On the Edge
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: Direct continuation of “You’re Welcome, Goddady Jake.” Leah reveals to Jacob what she said to Bella and Jacob tells her about trying to imprint. Leah’s reaction surprises him. Jake POV.
A/N: To catch up, Bella named her baby Edward Jacob, and this is right after Leah and Jake left the birth scene. I will continue this as well, but I need an overall title for the series. Suggestions, anyone? I also was dying to know what Leah said to Bella, so this is my take on it. Feedback is always appreciated!
Disclaimer: Characters and series belong to Stephenie Meyer. I wish they belonged to me…..
"You're Welcome, Goddaddy Jake" --- oscargirl08.livejournal.com/26320.html
Maybe I’m just a coward, but I didn’t want to see Sam, Quil, Embry or Dad. I needed to be alone. Let my thoughts sort out…because I had just seen the love of my life having the C-section from Hell. I just stood there and watched Edward pull the baby out of her stomach and murmur, “Edward Jacob.” Maybe I imagined the hitch in his voice, ‘cause I was already out the door. Edward Jacob?! What was Bella thinking?
He’s really not that bad, Jake, I heard Seth bargain. You should come back. You know Bella will want to see you later.
Yeah right. I ran to my home, ignoring Seth who kept thinking about how much the demon child looked like Edward. I got to the back door of my house, phased, crouched over, and braced myself to literally swing up the stairs, when Rebecca called from the living room.
“Streaking again, baby brother?”
“Umm…yeah.”
There was silence from the living room, and all I could do was stand in the freaking nude, crouched there, hoping she wouldn’t come give me a hug. Then she called out.
“I missed you. You were gone for two weeks.”
“I had things to do. And you’re at college-who are you to talk?” Me and my big mouth. I could have just said, ‘Uh huh’ and gone up the stairs. Now I had to wait for a response.
“I, uh, just…Rachel and….” She let the next name slide out her mouth like she tasted something bad, “Quil….and Dad’s so damn happy because of it…..I got lonely. I miss you, runt. That’s all. ” I could hear her get off the couch, knowing she was about to come to the stairs…to hug me. Great.
“Why don’t you miss me later when I have clothes on?”
She stopped. “Oh. Yeah, that probably would be best.” She sat back down. And I sprinted up the stairs to my room. I threw on some sweats, a wifebeater, and quietly slid back down the stairs and out the door.
I didn’t know where I was going to go to get this alone time, and I couldn’t argue that the best place to have alone time would have been in my own room. But nowadays my room felt fake, like a joke. Everything that made me was supposed to be represented in that box, but I think what made me who I was the cliffside. Because of how deep it was? Nah. Maybe because it never falls to the whims of the water below it, or maybe because you’re right on the edge; something really special like that. I just knew I had to get there.
I strolled past the trees that separated me from edge of the forest and saw Leah. She was swinging her legs over the edge, leaning backwards, her back toward me. She had her head high, like she was at alert; yet, her hands on either side of her showed that she was just relaxing.
So much for trying to be alone at the cliff. I thought about going back home, but I figured I’d sit where I was and wait for her to turn around and snap at me. Then I could say something that would piss her off, and she would run away, leaving the cliffedge altogether. Leah was so predictable. I smirked and leaned against a tree. Why else would I need to come here?
Oh, Bella. It’s where she jumped off. Which made him come back, which …oh no.
The flood of thoughts came back to me. I thought of her face when she first came to my house. How I had changed that. She said I was her sun and I made her better. But she chose him still. She nearly died right in front of me, and I could do was watch her day after day. And then she had vomited…all…that blood. Her eyes rolling back in her head like the horror movies. And then, Edward Jacob. That thing being named after me and Edward. Like it was no problem that Edward got Bella, and I got the honor of the thing being named after me. I loved Bella, but maybe Leah was right. Or maybe Bella was just thoughtless. Didn’t matter anymore. She was gone now.
I began to cry! Silently, tears rolled down my cheeks and hit the dirt. They sizzled in the September air. I didn’t care to wipe them away; I just lowered my head in shame. I was crying over a girl! A girl! Bella was the only person who could ever, would ever bring me to tears. But I didn’t just cry because I lost her, I cried because I loved her, and I wasn’t good enough. I cried because she was going to be a mother and a vampire-I gave her the perfect life because I stepped back. She was going to be eternally happy without me.
“Do you want to know what I said to Bella?”
“No.” I stopped crying and just stared at the ground. If I wiped my tears away, Leah would have known they were there.
“I’m going to tell you anyway.” She put her back to the same tree I leaned against and sighed. “If you must know, I saw your getaway in the leeches’ Aston Martin Vanquish? Being in your head….god.” She gave a low whistle. “And I thought to myself, ‘This idiot decides to take a joyride while I’m on patrol for some smelly vampires and Mrs. Cullen? Oh no. Not this one!’ I decided I was going to go home and have some real food…or get some food from anywhere! But then I realized that you wouldn’t have left your drug without a damn good reason. I went back to the doorway of their house and just stuck my head in-oh my god, how can you stand the smell-and I see Edward bending over Bella with his ear to her stomach, Bella craning her neck up looking at Edward, and the blonde on her tiptoes staring at Bella’s stomach. Then I understood why you left.”
She paused, and I looked up. The tears were dry now, and I could see that Leah was looking over the edge of the cliff, clearly wrapped up in another memory as she kept talking about one of the worst days of my life.“For me, it felt like someone was stomping on my stomach.”
“What?”
“Stomping on my stomach…..when I saw Emily and Sam laughing over the wedding plans for the first time, it felt like someone was stomping on my stomach. You?”
I hesitated, then answered. “Being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades.”
“Ouch.”
“Right. Lame, huh?” I laughed to myself.
“No. That’s more poetic. Anyway,” she continued, “Edward, I guess, knew I was there and detached himself from the little princess to come address me.” Every word out her mouth was dripping with sarcasm. I could tell Leah was getting worked up. “I asked him why you split. In my head, you know. He says it’s because you needed to ‘get away.’ Parasite. I asked him if I could speak to Bella.”
“You asked?”
She looked down at me, insulted. “Very politely, if you must inquire. Give me my gold star later, Alpha. I deserve it.”
I chuckled and dropped my head in my hands. “Just keep going.”
“So he gave me some parasite clothes, I phased, and then I put them on….” She stopped, mid-sentence, reliving it. Her face turned into a scowl. “YUCK! You owe me one, Black!”
“I owe you nothing, Clearwater,” I said through my hands. “No one asked you to go in there.”
“Whatever. When I came back from changing, I see the exact same thing: the happy family. I walked up to Bella, who reeked too, and said something along the lines of ‘Jump off a cliff, Bella. Wait, you already did.” She threw her head back and laughed. I jumped up and stared at Leah, thinking she wanted to “commit suicide” and “trip” over the cliff.
“I’m joking, you idiot!” She stopped laughing and returned my challenge, staring at me right back. “Sit down.”
I slid back down the tree. “Bitch,” I muttered.
“Creative. You’re a real Shakespeare.” She retorted smoothly. “Then she looked up at me with her little doe eyes, and I simply asked her, ‘Missing someone?’”
“What did she say?” I sat up, hanging on every word she said, like a puppy. Haha, that was new.
“She said,” She pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and breathed, “‘Oh, Jake! Where is he?’ And then she looked at Edward and said,” Impersonating Bella again, “‘He’s my sun.’”
“And?”
“And I went off. I don’t know, like I really care about how you feel around that leech-lover, or how she feels about you for that matter,” she paused. “But she needed to know. I told her something like…” For a brief second, I could see her body tension change. And I could tell that she was practically reliving the moment, and Bella was right in front of her.
“You have no clue, do you? You just sit here, with your “husband” and “family.”Jacob comes in to see you and you don’t even realize that you are killing him every time he comes in here! You think you can have everything, Bella Swan? That you can pick and choose what you have in life and you don’t affect others? You’re wrong! I have to listen to his thoughts, and all he does is think about you! And you’ve made your choice! Why can’t you let him move on? Let him choose for once! Force him to choose! But you continue to ask for him! You ask for him! Do you ever think he would tell you no? You ever think about how anyone else feels? Do you know how hard it is to let go of the person you love? It’s painful! You want to die because you know that they will be happier without you! But you make it worse every time you smile at him! And….he takes it….all your bullshit, he takes it all with a smile! He puts on for you, Bella! Or are you too love-struck to notice? Do you know what he did for you? He broke away from his pack to protect you! For nothing in return! He broke away from his brothers to keep you safe, and you still make him suffer! Can’t you leave him alone? You’re so selfish; can’t you let him move on? You can’t have everything, Bella Swan. You can’t have Jacob. You don’t deserve him anyway.”
Leah exhaled and fell back against the tree, drained. I was shocked. Leah Clearwater, standing up for me, in a room full of vampires! All I could do was gape at her, my mouth hanging open. I blinked a couple of times, and managed to get out, “You said that to her?”
“Something like that.” She lowered her head. “I…uh…meant every word of it, but I didn’t mean it to come out like that. It was kind of inappropriate. I meant to have a…heh… ‘civilized’ talk with her.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever.”
“What happened after that?”
“Ah….Edward told me to get out and I turned on my heel and left. Then I phased, ripping the clothes to shreds.” Getting pleasure out of that memory, she laughed. “I was actually more worried about what you would say.”
“Why? You want my approval or something?”
“No, I just didn’t want to hear your mouth. I was surprised you didn’t jump on me. You were moving on.”
“Moving on? What do you know about that?”
“You didn’t say anything to me because you knew that whatever I said to her was true. A few months earlier I couldn’t even suggest that Bella was imperfect without having to hear you yelling in my head.”
“Maybe I am moving on.” It could be possible, because Leah was right. She’d chewed Bella out and I never had any revenge. I think that day I was just wiped out. “You wanna know where I went?”
“I guess.” She dropped down next to me and stretched out her legs, crossing them at the ankles. “Surprise me.”
“I went outside of Forks. I was trying to find someone to imprint on. Met this girl named Lizzie. She was okay, but no dice.”
Leah inhaled deeply, curled up into a ball, and began to shake her head back and forth. A small tremor went up the tree and I could hear the birds chirp and fly away. I rolled my eyes. I wished she get some control over herself and her phasing for once, because I was actually enjoying this moment. Selfish, I know, but I couldn’t think of what could make her angry enough to phase. I didn’t want to. Of course she was going to tell me though. Her shaking went down to a tremble and she growled, “You tried to find someone to imprint on? Why the hell would you do that?”
She was getting mad at me for trying to imprint? She’s crazy! “It was your idea! To take away the pain, remember?”
“It was, but I didn’t think you would go and try to do it! You’re so stupid!”
“It seemed to make sense to me.” I grumbled, “Nothing happened anyway. I didn’t imprint, and the pain is still here. So you can calm down now.”
“I thought we were in this together! But you were going to leave me too, weren’t you?” The tree began to shake again. I stood up and crouched in front of Leah, who had her eyes closed, head down, and shaking it left to right, like she was refusing to look at me. “I don’t care…I should know…..damn imprinting! I hate it!” She balled up her fist and slammed it into the tree. It rumbled and a branch fell down and hit the ground. So I just sat there, watching her tantrum, ‘cause what could I do? Leah was having a crisis just because I tried to imprint on a random girl. What was it to her?
I rolled my eyes, and said sarcastically, “I didn’t know what I did when I was being tortured meant so much to you, Leah.”
“You’re my Alpha, Jake! Your torture, my torture! What if you imprinted and left me? Just like-“
“Sam?”
She stopped and looked up at me. She stared into my eyes and I watched the anger ripple across her face. I knew what was coming. I could have stopped it, but I deserved it.
She reeled her hand back and slapped me across the face. This wasn’t like Bella’s “punch;” the air whistled as her hand sliced through it and, truth be told, I saw stars. When I turned my head back, she was gone. Looked like my original plan worked. Not like how I expected it, but I finally had my alone time at the cliff. Only I didn’t think of Bella, all I could think of was Leah, and how much kept confusing me more and more today.
To be continued…..