"Breaking Dawn" has made me regret reading the "Twilight" series.
The title says it all. Normally, I can write a substantial review, but I really need a place to rant.
I'm home from college, saw the "Twilight" movie: 9/10 I think, read Eclipse in 2 days, and LOVED IT. And I read Breaking Dawn all day yesterday. I flew through book one, because I really just wanted to get to Jacob's narrative, and then, once that was over, I noticed my pace slowing. I started to get insanely bored and annoyed. I forced myself to finish the book so I could return it to my friend and scowl at her when I did.
Before I begin, I can't stand Bella. I think Edward is just her daddy, and I love Jacob Black. So now you know where I stand.
By the end of New Moon, I was Team Jacob, and honestly, once they got to Italy, I skipped to the epilogue to see the confrontation that I knew would be there. And I had a problem with Edward, who I once adored. She can't hug her friend? But, before reading Eclipse, I did finish New Moon entirely.
During Eclipse, I had a problem with Edward's abusive controlling tendencies, and then I had a problem with Bella's being okay with it. (I'm thinking he just took your engine apart to keep you hostage and you still let him stay? Druggie.) And then Edward apologizes before she can even express her anger, (which would bother me, personally) and never has any grudges or anything about it. And whenever I had to read through 8 pages of their goop I wanted to puke.
And then there was Jacob Black. I love him. He's my sanity in this little crazy love fest. Maybe he reminds me of me: sarcastic, determined, self-centered, flawed, a real friend. And there's his swag that just exudes from his lines. He's a teenage boy, he has fun, he knows when BS is BS and he's NOT PERFECT. Did I mention I love his swagger? I teased with my mom that he's the closest thing to a black kid in this whole series. When he told Bella he loved her and he was going to fight for her, I was like, "YES!" and whenever he hollered to a tortured Edward in his mind, I snickered, cause that's what you get, mind-reader.
Also, Jacob brought back the Edward I missed. Yes, Edward has his own swag, too. Jacob's is hotter though. Like the, "You will be running on three legs" threat. That was the bomb! And the whole tent/sleeping bag scene was wonderful! I had been waiting for a situation like this, where Edward could actually admit that yes, he was jealous, you icicle. And I know, what Jacob did to Bella wasn't appropriate, but she didn't have to fall for the kiss. Sorry, Bella.
I loved Eclipse. When Bella told Jacob that will choose Edward, and then drove by the side of the road, stopped her truck and just cried, that moment was so good. Until Edward shows up. Can she have some alone time for once? And then she apologizes to Edward later? If it bothered him, he could have LEFT. No, of course he wouldn't. Ugh. I can't stand them.
So now to Breaking Dawn. Here's my thoughts:
Book One
- Vampires can't have sex? So Bella ('s dumb ass) is going to go to Dartmouth and stay human so she can have sex? Sex she can't even remember? And I just wanted her to think, "Damn. That did hurt. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy for asking Edward to do this, but I still love him." EVEN THAT would be better than her just ignoring the fact she has bruises all over her!
- She cried for sex. You're fired. Have more dignity.
- HOW DID BELLA GET PREGNANT? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
- I guess I understand wanting to have a baby once it's already inside of you. I guess. And I actually understood her calling Rosalie, though she actually wanted children and didn't want to be a vampire. Kinda like a slap in the face if you ask me.
Book Two
- Did I mention I love Jacob Black pre-Renesmee?
- I enjoyed seeing his POV. I enjoyed being in the packs head and seeing what was going on there.
- His section was a nice break from Bella and if Bella told this section, I think I would've drowned in goop.
- Edward telling Jacob to offer his services to Bella? Gross, but I think this was the working of two desperate men who care about the same woman the same way. It makes sense. Still, I'm so glad Bella said no.
- Jacob became Alpha male. Yea, Jake!
- Jake and Leah's growing maturity and their relationship I really enjoyed. I wished she had imprinted on someone. I wanted someone for her. I wish they'd gotten together! Anything but Renesmee!!!!!!!!
- When Jacob took his private drive, I really felt for him. Really. I could imagine the torture on so many levels: Watching the woman you loved married and pregnant with another man's baby that is killing her from the inside out, and completely happy without you. That moment was good.
- WHAT DID LEAH SAY TO BELLA?? I WANT TO KNOW!! Maybe she said something about how you can't have things both ways, but I was impressed with Jacob when he didn't jump on Leah in return. Someone needed to say that to her.
- The birth scene was so nasty. Ugh.
- Seeing the imprinting happen was cool, but anybody but Renesmee! And then the book should have ended, or that would have been a good epilogue. BOOK OVER. No, it continues...
Book Three (Ugggh. Soooo many issues)
- The transformation was the best part of this book. She went through all the pain, but she became supernatural. Good Meyer. Now apply that to the rest if the novel: happiness with a price. Come on, Steph. Come on...
- I can't even break it down into bullets anymore!
All this talk about sacrifice and being scared and becoming a monster and not seeing her family is just thrown out the window! She wasn't supposed to have children. Well, not only does she get one, she gets the perfect child, who is beautiful, smart, and super powered, and will grow until she is 17 and stay that way for 150 years at least. So she doesn't have to worry about this child getting old, getting her heart broken (more on that later), kissing any boo boos, failing a class. She doesn't cry though the night, so Bella and Edward can just have sex all night. Yay. You think the presence of the baby means she'd have to put the desire on hold, but nope. No baby fat for Bella or Nessie, apparently. Did Renesmee even poop on herself, or throw up on anyone? She probably potty trained herself. She's the perfect baby for Bella's selfish butt. Just perfect.
Jacob. I'm so sorry Stephanie did this to you. She could have done so much more with your character. Alas, your soul mate is the daughter of the woman you once imagined naked and pregnant with your child. And now, Bella doesn't have to ever think about how she broke your heart. And she gets to have you all up in the family! Hey, she doesn't even have to raise Renesmee! You got that. She won't ever have to worry about her perfect daughter being hurt because you're there. And all the pain you felt for Bella is gone. So Bella still gets to have you in her life and never ever worry about how she made you feel. Just perfect. I thought she made the choice! And if I was Bella, I'd be weirded out.
Renesmee: My Jacob.
Bella: Funny, um, just two months ago, you he was my Jacob.
I'm so sorry Jacob. And then you lost everything that made you, you. You thought imprinting was dumb. You should have never imprinted and found true love the right way. You would have still been my anchor to sanity in this love fest. And when you first imprinted, I was happy. And then I thought about it. Ew. Not her.
Also, all that conflict about the packs breaking apart and it's all peachy keen now? Just perfect.
Edward, I hardly knew you. And Bella talking about killing people so nonchalantly? I also wished she would become a vampire and think Edward was just plain ol' good looking. Guess not.
Bella still gets to have a relationship with her father! I thought you were giving him up! Where’s this sacrifice that Eclipse was all about?
And then this battle! This HUGE battle. It was nothing but talking. FOR FIVE CHAPTERS! Bella just protected everyone with her shield because of her newborn anger. I would have preferred if Bella was getting the shit knocked out of her and she got the adrenaline to protect everyone. Or if Jacob was just there with his pack and then Sam's pack saved the day. There were just so many ways to do this! I even was singing "It's Going Down" even though I read spoilers and knew nothing would go down, it felt like it would. And it didn't. Bella didn't even break a sweat. The only loss was Irina, and Bella said it was her sacrifice (there’s that word again) that was the one sad part of her perfect day. Irina didn't sacrifice shit! She got burned for no reason. That's injustice!
And all this stuff about being a crazy newborn? Never happened, cause Bella just got it like that.
Renesmee Carlie is a DUMB ASS NAME. And she was going to name the baby Edward Jacob if it was a boy? Do you understand what kind of slap that would be in Jacob's face? Can you imagine, you immature, self-centered brat?
I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS BOOK. Give me the rights so I can rewrite it!! This has to be a joke? Do you need to go to storytelling class, Meyer? There's rising action, a climax, then the falling action! OMG. This book was horrible!!!!