more of this sort of thing
I think I caught some virus last week because I began to feel a bit ropey but not too unwell. I went to see a movie last Tuesday and felt like I pissed off the entire theatre with my hacking cough (although there were only about eight people there and it was only Scott Pilgrim so, fuck it, it's not like I was ruining anything good.). Continued to feel a bit more out of breath than I normally do for the rest of the week and on Thursday I was encouraged by my psychologist to go to the clinic because I do have a serious problem with self-neglect. The doctors at the clinic wanted to admit me but I refused as I didn't feel unwell or that I needed to, since I've recovered from a few days of breathlessness in the past. Unfortunately by the time friday evening rolls around I'm suddenly feeling really unwell and sweating like hell. Saturday morning I was stupidly feverish, huddled up in bed fully dressed shivering myself into sleep, waking up about an hour later going GOD WHY AM I SO WARM? WHY AM I WEARING MY HOODIE IN BED?
I've not got better, I spent today in a kind of strange mix of half-sleep, waking up for about an hour every few hours and then collapsing into unconsciousness again. So yeah, I guess I was wrong. Yeah, so on top of feeling ill I feel stupid, too. But I just have to deal with it. I feel like shit all the time, its difficult to tell when general illness is something more. But to be honest there have been times when I have been as unwell as I am now and I've not gone in and I've been okay, I don't know whether its the fact I normally just battle on through it until it goes away but this time I've had my confidence to resist shit shattered by being told I need to be admitted on IV antibiotics.
One of my real personal pet-hates is when other people describe people with chronic illnesses or diseases as 'fighters'. I am not a fucking fighter, I have never fucking wanted a fight in my entire fucking life. I am certainly not fighting my own cystic fibrosis because I know damn well who will win (hint: not me). All I do is fucking resist whatever shit happens and wait for it to go away. I fucking hate being in hospital, to me it is the fucking last-hope option I take when there are literally no other options available.
Just fuck. Fuck fuck and an endless line of expletives.
Anyway, as last time, if you want near-constant updates on how stir-crazy I go then the Emergency Broadcasting System is located at http://twitter.com/orwellian_trash
I've not got better, I spent today in a kind of strange mix of half-sleep, waking up for about an hour every few hours and then collapsing into unconsciousness again. So yeah, I guess I was wrong. Yeah, so on top of feeling ill I feel stupid, too. But I just have to deal with it. I feel like shit all the time, its difficult to tell when general illness is something more. But to be honest there have been times when I have been as unwell as I am now and I've not gone in and I've been okay, I don't know whether its the fact I normally just battle on through it until it goes away but this time I've had my confidence to resist shit shattered by being told I need to be admitted on IV antibiotics.
One of my real personal pet-hates is when other people describe people with chronic illnesses or diseases as 'fighters'. I am not a fucking fighter, I have never fucking wanted a fight in my entire fucking life. I am certainly not fighting my own cystic fibrosis because I know damn well who will win (hint: not me). All I do is fucking resist whatever shit happens and wait for it to go away. I fucking hate being in hospital, to me it is the fucking last-hope option I take when there are literally no other options available.
Just fuck. Fuck fuck and an endless line of expletives.
Anyway, as last time, if you want near-constant updates on how stir-crazy I go then the Emergency Broadcasting System is located at http://twitter.com/orwellian_trash