from . . . lauren!
hey guys, this is kristins floor friend lauren. well i love your site, and since my numero uno favorite pastime in life is discussing filhy or random things, i think i could definitely contribute. Kristin made me do my homework and read archives before posting, which was a definite good idea, how else would I know about your history? your fun times? your collections of hated words? (please add pustule, behemoth and speculum- shudder! wait i take back behemoth...reminds me of harry and the hendersons) anyway, im impressed. and because im impressed, i feel the need to let you know about my qualifications for posting.
it guess it all started when my mom bought me a book when i was in 4th grade that both slightly traumatized (it goes where!!!) yet seduced me into morphing (thats a fave word) , or perhaps, in better wording - finally showing my true colors- as a bonafide perv. this was often misguided and awkward pervdom, as i found when i became 'the girl who humped the bus seat in 5th grade' which followed me well into high school (get over it people, it was a dare- so what if i had the idea and did it myself when the daree [word for recipient of the dare?] didn't do it right? i HAD to show her what it was supposed to look like! it was vital for her growth...says me.) so soon i become a fan of secret masturbation i vehemently denied and judy blume-which totally go together. read deenie everyone, and meet lauren, age 12. (random knowledge- i suspect ive always been manifested into books or vice versa- im so very much bridget jones now, in all her awkward glory, and lauren age 5-9 was completely ramona the pest in every way- i used to read that and completely identify with the "injustices" in her life, a sympathy i was horrified with later when i read it as a teenager and realized i was once satan.) hmm.
later (age 13-14?) i had two horrible kissing experiences that left me wondering if it was always that bad and wishing i was gay cuz i was done kissing guys-although, side note, i now know it can be even worse with girls, and theyre for sure more pissy about being told they suck ass at it. This first included my first boyfriend, who later broke up with me because he knew i wouldn't have sex- hello, 7th grade, people!! then in nine grade i was literally traumatized by my first real make out session, which involve him holding me down on a bed, his tongue whipping like a helicopter down my throat, and his teeth clamping onto the side of my mouth, this is honestly the reason why to this day i can't kiss with much tongue..then i found el wonderfulo kissero in my first real boyfriend, we'll just call him roy since thats his actual name, and pervert genie lauren could finally be rubbed and released from the bottle previously opened only against her jacuzzi jets. okay, and the bathtub faucet, well a few more places, but on with the story... and when he broke my heart two years later i emerged as samantha from sex and the city (definitely only in my head) trying the detached random hookup scene. which has its merits but leaves much to be desired in the satisfaction department, especially if you're very guarded with your poonanny, as i am. no need for a chastity belt here. i had the hardcore penisphobia going for me, and now the hatred of shaving, both of which keep you fairly chaste, i must say.
finally, as the most educated and sex obsessed virgin in my high school, i probably gave more sex advice than Dr. Ruth (does old lady sex advice disturb anyone else? perhaps only me...) and i've had my share of humiliating yet hilarious moments, including passing out during a pep rally from being hit by an elbow from an cheer stunt gone awry, being felt on for the first time by a guy, who later stupidly told me he thought i had been asleep, (his ass got dumped), in 8th grade being pantsed in front of 200 students while wearing granny panties the second day ever of my period. or perhaps having my sex ed teacher read a note aloud from a friend containing tidbits i had shared about my period that day (embarrassing for 8th grade), or perhaps my dad walking downstairs in the middle of the night to find his youngest straight-A daughter preparing to give fellatio -fun word- to a guy he'd never met and didn't know was there. whoops. i dont think he really saw anything, pm was on my side. i still shudder.. anyway, sorry to bore you with all that, i was having fun.
anyway, i guess you can tell from the story that i am definitely with the yay masturbation position and honestly believe it is the reason i stayed a virgin til i was 18.5, who needs guys? just kidding, definitely better with some emotion involved. it was worth the loss of my title for the experience with a great guy.
i do have a question to pose though, how do you all feel about anal sex, or fondlage of the asshole in general? haven't tried it- im a little afraid of all that is rectal intrusive, and cannot imagine the joy i feel from pooping morphing into something that would feel good sexually...but some girls enjoy. discuss... thanks for bearing with me!! p.s. i promise i won't write this much next time!
it guess it all started when my mom bought me a book when i was in 4th grade that both slightly traumatized (it goes where!!!) yet seduced me into morphing (thats a fave word) , or perhaps, in better wording - finally showing my true colors- as a bonafide perv. this was often misguided and awkward pervdom, as i found when i became 'the girl who humped the bus seat in 5th grade' which followed me well into high school (get over it people, it was a dare- so what if i had the idea and did it myself when the daree [word for recipient of the dare?] didn't do it right? i HAD to show her what it was supposed to look like! it was vital for her growth...says me.) so soon i become a fan of secret masturbation i vehemently denied and judy blume-which totally go together. read deenie everyone, and meet lauren, age 12. (random knowledge- i suspect ive always been manifested into books or vice versa- im so very much bridget jones now, in all her awkward glory, and lauren age 5-9 was completely ramona the pest in every way- i used to read that and completely identify with the "injustices" in her life, a sympathy i was horrified with later when i read it as a teenager and realized i was once satan.) hmm.
later (age 13-14?) i had two horrible kissing experiences that left me wondering if it was always that bad and wishing i was gay cuz i was done kissing guys-although, side note, i now know it can be even worse with girls, and theyre for sure more pissy about being told they suck ass at it. This first included my first boyfriend, who later broke up with me because he knew i wouldn't have sex- hello, 7th grade, people!! then in nine grade i was literally traumatized by my first real make out session, which involve him holding me down on a bed, his tongue whipping like a helicopter down my throat, and his teeth clamping onto the side of my mouth, this is honestly the reason why to this day i can't kiss with much tongue..then i found el wonderfulo kissero in my first real boyfriend, we'll just call him roy since thats his actual name, and pervert genie lauren could finally be rubbed and released from the bottle previously opened only against her jacuzzi jets. okay, and the bathtub faucet, well a few more places, but on with the story... and when he broke my heart two years later i emerged as samantha from sex and the city (definitely only in my head) trying the detached random hookup scene. which has its merits but leaves much to be desired in the satisfaction department, especially if you're very guarded with your poonanny, as i am. no need for a chastity belt here. i had the hardcore penisphobia going for me, and now the hatred of shaving, both of which keep you fairly chaste, i must say.
finally, as the most educated and sex obsessed virgin in my high school, i probably gave more sex advice than Dr. Ruth (does old lady sex advice disturb anyone else? perhaps only me...) and i've had my share of humiliating yet hilarious moments, including passing out during a pep rally from being hit by an elbow from an cheer stunt gone awry, being felt on for the first time by a guy, who later stupidly told me he thought i had been asleep, (his ass got dumped), in 8th grade being pantsed in front of 200 students while wearing granny panties the second day ever of my period. or perhaps having my sex ed teacher read a note aloud from a friend containing tidbits i had shared about my period that day (embarrassing for 8th grade), or perhaps my dad walking downstairs in the middle of the night to find his youngest straight-A daughter preparing to give fellatio -fun word- to a guy he'd never met and didn't know was there. whoops. i dont think he really saw anything, pm was on my side. i still shudder.. anyway, sorry to bore you with all that, i was having fun.
anyway, i guess you can tell from the story that i am definitely with the yay masturbation position and honestly believe it is the reason i stayed a virgin til i was 18.5, who needs guys? just kidding, definitely better with some emotion involved. it was worth the loss of my title for the experience with a great guy.
i do have a question to pose though, how do you all feel about anal sex, or fondlage of the asshole in general? haven't tried it- im a little afraid of all that is rectal intrusive, and cannot imagine the joy i feel from pooping morphing into something that would feel good sexually...but some girls enjoy. discuss... thanks for bearing with me!! p.s. i promise i won't write this much next time!