this sucks..

[orangez14]

it's going to be a couple more weeks.

but it's not the worst thing
i've watched some tv show where it shows the weird diseases
and i realize.. i do have ALOT to be grateful for..

im very blessed

it hurts to think i migh tnot be able to drive to see lesean 5 mins down the road anymore
and im crazy for going to NY by myself
i keep having weird dreams
last night i had a very bad dream
over and over
i dont know if thats the answer to my prayer

but then i think how fun it would be
to go somewhere new
by myself
and get started completely on my own
how amazing
and uplifting that would be
such an accomplishment

but what if i get hurt.. or need help
the nearest person to me is 3 1/5 hours away
in a ver populated city
where i know nothing of the people or how to get around
and for a girl like me.. that's not safe.
i need someone to move with
its not even safe to show a house around here by yourself anymore
let alone live in staten island by yourself

sooo.. big damper
i need to re-think.

i've thought of an alternative..
it's not complete and i have to talk with someone 1st.