Jinx nodded almost solemnly to his words. "Thanks..." was all she could mutter. After pulling the keys from her motorcycle and shoving them in her pocket, she slowly made her way toward the front door, not making eye contact. The grass along the walk began to whither and die, making her stop and take a deep breath. Her automatic reaction to the terrible luck that followed her was normally "I'll pay for that," but for now she said nothing. The glow of her eyes ceased and she went inside.
Automatically, she slipped out of her shoes in the doorway, then walked into the kitchen. From the fridge, she removed two beer bottles. After setting them down on the counter, she reached into a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. With the same autopilot, she opened up both the bottles and handed one to Shunsui, still not looking him in the eye.
Slowly, she took a drink from the bottle. It was long and she drank down nearly half the beer. And replacing it on the counter, she let out another breath. Moving to a part of the kitchen where there was the least glass, she crossed her arms over her stomach and leaned against the fridge. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have reacted like that. It was a good idea at the time because, well... Soiree was gonna die. And... I'm sorry I don't care about other people like you do. I didn't mean for anyone to die, I just can't care what happens to them." Biting her lip, she was staring into emptiness, her words seemingly directed to an entity that did not exist in their world. "I can't care... like you care. I can't watch out for everyone because I'm not a good person like that. And now... now I know it was wrong. Now I know that I should think things through better and... and... you were right, Shunsui."
She slipped down the fridge and came to sit on the floor, putting her head in her hands. "I fucked up pretty big... but next time I'll do better. Stark told me to take a vacation, so that's what I'm doing but I've never been on vacation before and I've never had nothing to do but I have plenty to do and I want to move on and I really need to--" finally, she took a breath, realizing her Italian was moving much faster than the Japanese man could probably comprehend. "--talk... with you..."
Shunsui sipped his bear and listened carefully, biting his tongue when he needed to. Jinx didn't deserve to be lectured, nor did she deserve Shunsui's ego.
He also had to struggle to follow her as she continued, but he caught the important words.
"I'm sorry I was so condescending, Jinx. I dont have the right to yell at you like I'm your father" He added, shaking his head. He had a pretty good foothold in the wrong too. He had to stop acting like he was right all the time. "But- I'm ready to listen to what you want to talk to me about"
Jinx scoffed, shaking her head, "No one has the right to yell at me like they're my father." She kept herself from adding, I kill them if they do. Thinking upon that for a moment, she took out her switchblade and began to fidget with it. Flipping the blade out, putting it back in, spinning it around in her deft fingertips. And finally she stood, putting the blade away and practicing that calm breathing thing. To be in the same room with him after not seeing him for weeks... after their fight... it was just so strange. She rarely had to deal with something like this. Usually, when the man pissed her off, he died. There were very few exceptions. Sadly enough, this felt borderline.
Almost shaking in her steps, she came back to the counter and downed the rest of her beer. If there was one thing Jinx could do and do right, it was drinking. When she set the empty bottle back down on, she finally made eye contact with Shunsui. It made her freeze, made a lump form instantly in her throat, and a familiar sound came about the room as the bottle in her hands cracked and broke. It was some sort of miracle it did not slice open her hand. Sighing, giving him a sad little smile, she began to clean up the glass without hesitation. "God... Shunsui... how did we ever last this long? I'm like... like pure chaos, and you're..." eloquence escaped her, "...you're like not chaos."
She scooped the glass into her bare hands, then let it fall from her palm into the trashcan. In the process, she sliced her finger open and winced. Bringing it to her mouth, she began to suck on her fingertip, trying to stop the bleeding with pressure from her tongue. Jinx felt pathetic. She felt like a liar. As she stood there before him, there were bruises on her neck from obvious activities involving the man she called her brother. With the tip of her index finger still between her lips, she looked at Shunsui and sighed.
Shunsui sighed. He should step up and make things easier for Jinx.
He knew. He really wasn't stupid- he'd seen Jinx and Alba, he'd spoken to Alba online and it didn't take a fool to see her life had changed without Shunsui.
"I think for the time, we needed each other, but since then both our needs have changed. I know you've found someone else.... and I know he understands you more than I could in a hundred years" Shunsui said, trying to choose his words to match what he felt. "I dont want you to feel bad about doing the right thing for yourself- you don't have to worry about me" He said, smiling for her.
It hurt inside, but Shunsui was a large man with a high constitution score. He could suffer the pain for now, because he knew this was for the better end.
When he began to speak, she took her finger out of her mouth and let her eyes drift away from him. He was right in his first sentence, but when he began to say the second, her catlike eyes seemed to grow twice their size and her slit pupils shrank. "Shunsui, I--" she began, then ceased her words to let him continue. And when he told her he did not want her to feel bad about it, she only felt worse. This was Jinx's first actual breakup, after all. And Shunsui was going to be alive to tell the tale.
"....his name's Alba," she finally sighed, crossing her arms over her stomach. "He's my brother." Quickly, she corrected herself, "He's like my brother!" And once more she stumbled over her words. "But not like my brother because he was a telekinetic mute and now he's--" She cut herself off for the better, closed her eyes and collected her words. "I... I think I've always felt this way. I just... I was so stupid with Gin... and then when Gin abandoned me you were the first person who cared about whether I lived or died... and I've never fucked a guy without killing him before you, sans Tommy but Tommy was just a stupid kid and his gay brother set us up and--" Once again, she realized how her words had picked up speed, her thick Italian accent slurring words together.
"I care about you so much, Shu... I love you... but it's different. I'm so sorry." And once more, her words choking in her throat, she had to look away from him. Tightly, she hugged herself, knowing that asking him to hug her would be horribly inappropriate.
"Sometimes, it's hard to tell when people are meant to be your friends and not your lovers, ecspically when you're attracted to them anyway" Shunsui said, putting an arm around her anyway.
God knows he knew about crushing on your best friends.
"I care about you too, Jinx. I think I should have admitted to myself that I really wanted to protect you can care for you rather than be your lover. I'm sorry too, but I hope this doesn't mean we can't still be close. Who else would drink with me? Jushirou falls asleep too quickly" He added, with a little smirk. He wanted her to know he wasnt mad, and that he didnt hate her under any circumstance.
When he put an arm around her, she did not hesitate. That was an invitation. Immediately, she threw her arms around his middle and hugged him tightly, burying her face in the familiar feeling of his chest. She took in his scent and cling to him, afraid that if she let him go, he would leave her entirely. His words to her after that moment were all half muffled as she pressed herself so close to him.
"I want you in my life," she told him in a mumble. And after that, she paused for a long while to control herself from trying to reestablish their relationship. She needed him to be happy and she wanted to continue to be with him. And if those two did not fit together, she would have an incredibly difficult time making the right decision. But Shunsui and Jinx... they were never meant to be lovers. Their generation gap proved that.
Finally, she spoke coherently, a bit more control, but still embracing him. "I don't think Jushirou is going to be too happy that I may not be staying here anymore... and I don't think I can stay with the Meira twins for the rest of my life... can I keep my housekey?"
Shunsui hugged her tight, smoothing down her hair. As long as Jinx was well, that was all Shunsui could ask for. If it took someone else to do that, then he would let that happen, but he wouldn't walk away. He would still be there for her as well.
"Of course, I know Jushirou would say you were always welcome here" Shunsui replied for the other man, but he doubted Ukitake would have said anything different. "I also think he'll understand as well" He nodded with sage wisdom.
"You honestly can't be taking this so well," she told him, sighing, still not letting go of their embrace. "Whenever something good happens for me, something really bad has to happen. It's my curse. And I don't think I've ever been happier so that means someone else has to get it really bad." Sadly enough, that was the truth. It was all probability, something she had a very strong control over. If Jinx wanted to, she could win the lottery. But that also meant that the stock market would have to crash. It was her world and she very accustomed to it.
"Maybe it's the Monacello family," she rationalized. "Alba is a Consigliere for them and our relationship... or maybe it was Soiree's fight... god, whoever took Franky is going to get it..." Finally, she loosened her grip on Shunsui and looked up at him. "So... you're not mad at me?"
Automatically, she slipped out of her shoes in the doorway, then walked into the kitchen. From the fridge, she removed two beer bottles. After setting them down on the counter, she reached into a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. With the same autopilot, she opened up both the bottles and handed one to Shunsui, still not looking him in the eye.
Slowly, she took a drink from the bottle. It was long and she drank down nearly half the beer. And replacing it on the counter, she let out another breath. Moving to a part of the kitchen where there was the least glass, she crossed her arms over her stomach and leaned against the fridge. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have reacted like that. It was a good idea at the time because, well... Soiree was gonna die. And... I'm sorry I don't care about other people like you do. I didn't mean for anyone to die, I just can't care what happens to them." Biting her lip, she was staring into emptiness, her words seemingly directed to an entity that did not exist in their world. "I can't care... like you care. I can't watch out for everyone because I'm not a good person like that. And now... now I know it was wrong. Now I know that I should think things through better and... and... you were right, Shunsui."
She slipped down the fridge and came to sit on the floor, putting her head in her hands. "I fucked up pretty big... but next time I'll do better. Stark told me to take a vacation, so that's what I'm doing but I've never been on vacation before and I've never had nothing to do but I have plenty to do and I want to move on and I really need to--" finally, she took a breath, realizing her Italian was moving much faster than the Japanese man could probably comprehend. "--talk... with you..."
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He also had to struggle to follow her as she continued, but he caught the important words.
"I'm sorry I was so condescending, Jinx. I dont have the right to yell at you like I'm your father" He added, shaking his head. He had a pretty good foothold in the wrong too. He had to stop acting like he was right all the time. "But- I'm ready to listen to what you want to talk to me about"
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Almost shaking in her steps, she came back to the counter and downed the rest of her beer. If there was one thing Jinx could do and do right, it was drinking. When she set the empty bottle back down on, she finally made eye contact with Shunsui. It made her freeze, made a lump form instantly in her throat, and a familiar sound came about the room as the bottle in her hands cracked and broke. It was some sort of miracle it did not slice open her hand. Sighing, giving him a sad little smile, she began to clean up the glass without hesitation. "God... Shunsui... how did we ever last this long? I'm like... like pure chaos, and you're..." eloquence escaped her, "...you're like not chaos."
She scooped the glass into her bare hands, then let it fall from her palm into the trashcan. In the process, she sliced her finger open and winced. Bringing it to her mouth, she began to suck on her fingertip, trying to stop the bleeding with pressure from her tongue. Jinx felt pathetic. She felt like a liar. As she stood there before him, there were bruises on her neck from obvious activities involving the man she called her brother. With the tip of her index finger still between her lips, she looked at Shunsui and sighed.
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He knew. He really wasn't stupid- he'd seen Jinx and Alba, he'd spoken to Alba online and it didn't take a fool to see her life had changed without Shunsui.
"I think for the time, we needed each other, but since then both our needs have changed. I know you've found someone else.... and I know he understands you more than I could in a hundred years" Shunsui said, trying to choose his words to match what he felt. "I dont want you to feel bad about doing the right thing for yourself- you don't have to worry about me" He said, smiling for her.
It hurt inside, but Shunsui was a large man with a high constitution score. He could suffer the pain for now, because he knew this was for the better end.
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"....his name's Alba," she finally sighed, crossing her arms over her stomach. "He's my brother." Quickly, she corrected herself, "He's like my brother!" And once more she stumbled over her words. "But not like my brother because he was a telekinetic mute and now he's--" She cut herself off for the better, closed her eyes and collected her words. "I... I think I've always felt this way. I just... I was so stupid with Gin... and then when Gin abandoned me you were the first person who cared about whether I lived or died... and I've never fucked a guy without killing him before you, sans Tommy but Tommy was just a stupid kid and his gay brother set us up and--" Once again, she realized how her words had picked up speed, her thick Italian accent slurring words together.
"I care about you so much, Shu... I love you... but it's different. I'm so sorry." And once more, her words choking in her throat, she had to look away from him. Tightly, she hugged herself, knowing that asking him to hug her would be horribly inappropriate.
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God knows he knew about crushing on your best friends.
"I care about you too, Jinx. I think I should have admitted to myself that I really wanted to protect you can care for you rather than be your lover. I'm sorry too, but I hope this doesn't mean we can't still be close. Who else would drink with me? Jushirou falls asleep too quickly" He added, with a little smirk. He wanted her to know he wasnt mad, and that he didnt hate her under any circumstance.
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"I want you in my life," she told him in a mumble. And after that, she paused for a long while to control herself from trying to reestablish their relationship. She needed him to be happy and she wanted to continue to be with him. And if those two did not fit together, she would have an incredibly difficult time making the right decision. But Shunsui and Jinx... they were never meant to be lovers. Their generation gap proved that.
Finally, she spoke coherently, a bit more control, but still embracing him. "I don't think Jushirou is going to be too happy that I may not be staying here anymore... and I don't think I can stay with the Meira twins for the rest of my life... can I keep my housekey?"
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"Of course, I know Jushirou would say you were always welcome here" Shunsui replied for the other man, but he doubted Ukitake would have said anything different. "I also think he'll understand as well" He nodded with sage wisdom.
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"Maybe it's the Monacello family," she rationalized. "Alba is a Consigliere for them and our relationship... or maybe it was Soiree's fight... god, whoever took Franky is going to get it..." Finally, she loosened her grip on Shunsui and looked up at him. "So... you're not mad at me?"
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