Human Qualities - Parks and Rec - 2/?
Title: Human Qualities
Author: modernxxmyth
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 in future parts)
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Ben/Leslie, April/Andy, Ben/April friendship
Warnings: Language?
Notes: All I can really say is I'M SO SORRY. I know I posted one chapter and got all excited about posting more and promised 55k words, WHICH I STILL INTEND TO DELIVER ON, I SWEAR! But then classes started up again, and I got busy with school work + getting sucked into a netlfix hole, and I just sort of dropped off the face of fandom. Which I'm very sorry about. But I'm kicking my butt back into gear and editing this massive story once more! Very sorry about my absence - I'll try to do better!
Word Count: ~2,100 in this part
Summary: Set after 4.01 I Am Leslie Knope. After the break-up, Ben decides he'll never be able to move on from Leslie if he stays in Pawnee and chooses to move back to Indianapolis. (P.S. Don't worry, they're still endgame.)
Chapter One.
Chapter Two
That weekend, Ben made the drive up to Indy to apartment hunt. He used to have a reasonably nice apartment in Indianapolis back when he was living there at least some months out of the year, but now that he was planning on settling down in Indy for good (or at least for an extended period of time), he wanted a nicer place. Especially because it was actually going to be lived in, rather than a pit stop in between trips.
The air in Indy was crisper, the sky (somehow) less polluted. He supposed it was the lack of a Sweetums factory. No pink sunsets. But Ben had had some good times here in Indy back in his pre-Pawnee days. He'd been happy, hadn't he? At least reasonably so? He hadn't been hurting for anything. He'd been…content. But then again, before he was sent to Pawnee, he hadn't known just what he was missing.
He hadn't known how special…Pawnee was.
And, really, he hadn't known joy.
Not real joy.
Not since he was a young boy, all ambition and laughter and wonder. Not since before Ice Town.
Pawnee…Leslie had made him enjoy things again. She'd made him enjoy life. Not just tolerate it.
Would he just be tolerating life from now on? Was he simply just going to have to learn how to live his life as he had before her?
Ben shook his head and pulled away from the thoughts. He needed to get a fucking grip.
She was just a woman.
One hell of a woman, he told himself, but still: just a woman.
He would get over it. He just had to give himself a chance to move on. Give himself over to his work. Make new friends. Re-invest in HBO. Work on his fanfiction.
He could be happy again. He just had to let himself.
Turns out he was kind of an idiot for thinking it might be that easy.
Ben checked out a couple places in the area and settled on a one bedroom with a view in the central part of the city. It was about ten minutes from work and surrounded by a decent amount of activity without getting too overwhelmed. The place was nice enough. He briefly wondered if he even had enough stuff to fill it. He had a bed and some belongings back in Pawnee, and he even had a storage unit here in Indianapolis with some stuff he kept hoarded while he was on the road.
If he remembered correctly, that left him with a bed, a La-Z-Boy recliner, a coffee table, a nightstand, and maybe a few pots and pans if he was lucky. He sighed. Looks like he'd have a lot of shopping to do once he moved.
He signed a lease that day, lips pressed thinly together, jaw set and squared.
He wondered if he was running away.
He wondered if he was making the right choice.
He wondered if he was fighting the inevitable.
He wondered a lot of things.
Mostly, he wondered what the hell he was going to do without Leslie Knope.
He hated himself for thinking it.
He wondered if she hated him.
If she was going to hate him for leaving.
If she thought he was giving up.
He wondered if she was angry. If she was hurt.
He wondered how she felt about the break-up.
If the campaign was still enough.
He was sure that it was.
Ben handed the lease over to the guy behind the desk who gave him a big, cheesy grin and a handshake, welcoming him to the building.
He'd be moving in at the end of next week
Suddenly, he was fucking terrified.
* * *
"Hey April, could you help me with this box?" Ben asked, working on packing up his stuff a couple days later.
"No," she replied, not looking up from her cell phone.
"Why not?"
"I'm busy."
"Yeah, you look really busy over there. Who are you even texting?"
Ben's phone vibrated in his pocket.
* * *
SMS Text Message
To: Ben Wyatt
From: April Ludgate
This is stupid.
* * *
Ben frowned.
He turned back to face her, but she'd left the hallway, plopped down on the couch, and started flipping through the channels on the TV.
"Seriously?" he muttered to himself.
Thankfully, Andy was home a few minutes later, ready to help, with a huge grin on his face.
"Dude, I love packing!" Andy told him. "It's so much fun! Do you have packing peanuts?"
Ben nodded and gestured towards a bag in the corner of his room.
"SCORE!" Andy shouted, running over to the bag and jumping on top of it.
Ben's eyes widened. "Are you okay?"
Andy was rubbing his elbow, which he had rammed quite violently into the wall.
"Fine, dude. You should've gotten more packing peanuts, though. That kind of hurt."
"Well I'm sorry that I didn't know you were going to want to jump into a pile of them. I should have expected it," Ben said dryly.
"Yeah," Andy agreed, nodding his head seriously. "But it's okay, man, no worries, these will still be fun. You have packing tape too, right? What about bubble wrap? OH DUDE, YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE BUBBLE WRAP, RIGHT?"
Ben sighed and ran a weary hand over his face. "Yes, I have bubble wrap. But I need it to pack with."
"Yeah, yeah, of course," Andy replied, "but you can at least spare like…half the sheets right? Because packing just isn't the same without bubble wrap to pop."
"You can have one sheet."
"Sweet, dude! Thanks," Andy grinned as Ben regretfully handed him a sheet of bubble wrap.
While Ben started packing away his DVD and Bluray collection, Andy started jumping on his sheet of bubble wrap.
"We should have sex on that," April said from the doorway.
"Oh my god, honey, that's such a good idea," Andy agreed, grabbing his bubble wrap and chasing after his wife, who was smirking at Ben from the doorway.
They left, and Ben clenched his fists.
April was clearly passive aggressively trying to stop Ben from packing. Not just in her usual 'I'm just doing this to annoy you' way, but really. It felt a bit like her twisted way of trying to get him to stay.
He thought for a moment that maybe he should be touched, but in reality, she was just pissing him the hell off.
* * *
"You're going to miss me, aren't you?" Ben asked April knowingly the next morning, while she was grabbing some breakfast and he was sipping on his coffee.
"No," she replied easily.
"Uh huh," said Ben. "Except you are."
"Am not."
"I don't believe you."
"And I don't care."
"Sure you don't," he acquiesced, clearly not believing her. "Do you want a ride to work?"
April stared him down for a minute, obviously wanting to say no, then muttered, "Fine. Andy will be ready in a minute."
It went on like that for the next several days.
* * *
On Wednesday, Ben ran into Leslie at the office.
"Hey," he said to her when he found her sitting by the wallflower mural.
"Hi," she whispered with a muted smile.
He paused, not knowing if he should move on or talk to her for a few minutes. He was moving in four days, and now he was finding it difficult to think about not seeing her anymore. Not seeing her shiny hair, her twinkling eyes, her delicate frame. There was a sudden lump in his throat, and he swallowed hard, trying to relieve the tension.
"So, um," Leslie began, "Your goodbye party is on Friday. Tom invited me. Do you want me to go? Or would that be too…weird?"
Ben blinked back his surprise. He hadn't even thought of that. In fact, he'd nearly forgotten about the party Tom had decided to throw him altogether.
"Oh, um…Friday, right. The party. Um…you can come if you - if you want to. Whatever you want is fine."
"Do you want me there, Ben?"
He closed his eyes for a fraction of second when he heard her use his name.
"I…" he sighed. "I want you to go if you want to go. But I think the party would be much better if you were there."
He had a hint of a smile on his face as he said it.
Leslie's eyes softened, and she blushed. "Okay. I'll see you there."
Ben put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, a small smile still tugging at his lips.
"Yeah," he agreed, "See you there."
He made to walk away, when Leslie's voice rang out: "You leave on Sunday, right?"
Ben didn't meet her eyes. He didn't even turn around, too scared to look at her. "Yeah."
He heard a sharp intake of breath come from her direction, but she said nothing.
Ben closed his eyes, took a deep breath, steadied himself, and walked away, doing everything in his power to keep her from steeling his resolve.
Nothing but silence met him as his heels scuffed the floor as he walked away.
* * *
Friday dawned, and Ben grimaced the second he awoke. He was not particularly looking forward to the day ahead of him - April's continuous bitching and whining about his leaving, Tom trying to give him fashion tips, and his going away party at the Snakehole Lounge.
The whole day at work, Tom kept popping into his office telling him to 'lose the plaid tonight' and to 'buy some new shoes because the ugly hunks of leather on his feet look like an overdone steak.'
He figured he'd go to the party in what he already had on. Maybe add his tan windbreaker into the equation.
He didn't tell Tom that, of course. He just nodded in agreement and shooed him away.
Mostly, all Ben could think about was (unsurprisingly) Leslie.
Tonight would quite possibly be the last time he was in Leslie's presence.
God. How was he supposed to process that? He was leaving the woman he loved behind.
It's not like that, he told himself. You guys broke up. Her career is too important to her. You don't owe it to her to stay here.
But god, he really didn't know how to deal with the idea of not seeing her again.
Maybe he would see her again, though. She'd wanted to stay friends. He'd agreed. Indy wasn't that far away. Just a few hours. It's not like he was going overseas. One day, when they were both ready, they could see each other again, as friends.
It didn't have to be the complete end.
But, still. If by chance they never reached that place…if they could never get quite comfortable in a friendship…If you can't get over her, the voice in his head told him, then this could be the last time he truly laid his eyes on Leslie Knope.
It was a damn good thing this party was at the Snakehole Lounge because he was going to need a very strong drink.
* * *
Ben's phone rang just as he was tucking into his dinner, around 7 PM that evening, a solid two hours before he needed to leave the house to hit the Snakehole Lounge.
"Hello?" he answered.
"What are you wearing?"
Ben coughed. "…Tom?" he ventured carefully.
"Nerd! Answer the question."
"Uh…what I was wearing in the office?"
"I mean tonight, dummy, at the party."
Ben cleared his throat. "Um…what I was wearing in the office?"
Tom was silent. Ben could nearly hear his heart breaking.
"We've talked about this, Benjamin. That's just unacceptable."
"Okay," Ben agreed, not really caring.
"You're already trying to kill this thing, aren't you?" Tom asked. "Beeeeen," he whined, "This could be an exciting opportunity for my company! Stop trying to bring it down before it can even begin!"
"Wait," Ben furrowed his brows in confusion, "This things is being hosted by your company? Entertainment 720?"
"Duh! Why else do you think I'd be throwing you this thing?"
"Well, I don't know…maybe because you were trying to be a good friend?"
Tom sighed into the receiver loudly, and Ben had to pull the phone away from his ear slightly.
"Well, that too!" Tom replied.
Ben rolled his eyes. "Always nice to know you're going to be missed," he said dryly.
"Dude, I'm gonna seriously miss you. Who else am I going to make fun of? Who else am I going to teach to dress well?"
This got a low chuckle out of Ben. "I'll be sure to open all your emails you forward from Brooks Brothers Boys while in Indy, alright?"
"Thank you, finally."
"I'll see you later tonight, alright?" said Ben.
Just as he was going to hang up, finger on the button, he heard Tom shout, "WEAR A SUIT!"
He grinned and hung up.
Author: modernxxmyth
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 in future parts)
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Ben/Leslie, April/Andy, Ben/April friendship
Warnings: Language?
Notes: All I can really say is I'M SO SORRY. I know I posted one chapter and got all excited about posting more and promised 55k words, WHICH I STILL INTEND TO DELIVER ON, I SWEAR! But then classes started up again, and I got busy with school work + getting sucked into a netlfix hole, and I just sort of dropped off the face of fandom. Which I'm very sorry about. But I'm kicking my butt back into gear and editing this massive story once more! Very sorry about my absence - I'll try to do better!
Word Count: ~2,100 in this part
Summary: Set after 4.01 I Am Leslie Knope. After the break-up, Ben decides he'll never be able to move on from Leslie if he stays in Pawnee and chooses to move back to Indianapolis. (P.S. Don't worry, they're still endgame.)
Chapter One.
Chapter Two
That weekend, Ben made the drive up to Indy to apartment hunt. He used to have a reasonably nice apartment in Indianapolis back when he was living there at least some months out of the year, but now that he was planning on settling down in Indy for good (or at least for an extended period of time), he wanted a nicer place. Especially because it was actually going to be lived in, rather than a pit stop in between trips.
The air in Indy was crisper, the sky (somehow) less polluted. He supposed it was the lack of a Sweetums factory. No pink sunsets. But Ben had had some good times here in Indy back in his pre-Pawnee days. He'd been happy, hadn't he? At least reasonably so? He hadn't been hurting for anything. He'd been…content. But then again, before he was sent to Pawnee, he hadn't known just what he was missing.
He hadn't known how special…Pawnee was.
And, really, he hadn't known joy.
Not real joy.
Not since he was a young boy, all ambition and laughter and wonder. Not since before Ice Town.
Pawnee…Leslie had made him enjoy things again. She'd made him enjoy life. Not just tolerate it.
Would he just be tolerating life from now on? Was he simply just going to have to learn how to live his life as he had before her?
Ben shook his head and pulled away from the thoughts. He needed to get a fucking grip.
She was just a woman.
One hell of a woman, he told himself, but still: just a woman.
He would get over it. He just had to give himself a chance to move on. Give himself over to his work. Make new friends. Re-invest in HBO. Work on his fanfiction.
He could be happy again. He just had to let himself.
Turns out he was kind of an idiot for thinking it might be that easy.
Ben checked out a couple places in the area and settled on a one bedroom with a view in the central part of the city. It was about ten minutes from work and surrounded by a decent amount of activity without getting too overwhelmed. The place was nice enough. He briefly wondered if he even had enough stuff to fill it. He had a bed and some belongings back in Pawnee, and he even had a storage unit here in Indianapolis with some stuff he kept hoarded while he was on the road.
If he remembered correctly, that left him with a bed, a La-Z-Boy recliner, a coffee table, a nightstand, and maybe a few pots and pans if he was lucky. He sighed. Looks like he'd have a lot of shopping to do once he moved.
He signed a lease that day, lips pressed thinly together, jaw set and squared.
He wondered if he was running away.
He wondered if he was making the right choice.
He wondered if he was fighting the inevitable.
He wondered a lot of things.
Mostly, he wondered what the hell he was going to do without Leslie Knope.
He hated himself for thinking it.
He wondered if she hated him.
If she was going to hate him for leaving.
If she thought he was giving up.
He wondered if she was angry. If she was hurt.
He wondered how she felt about the break-up.
If the campaign was still enough.
He was sure that it was.
Ben handed the lease over to the guy behind the desk who gave him a big, cheesy grin and a handshake, welcoming him to the building.
He'd be moving in at the end of next week
Suddenly, he was fucking terrified.
* * *
"Hey April, could you help me with this box?" Ben asked, working on packing up his stuff a couple days later.
"No," she replied, not looking up from her cell phone.
"Why not?"
"I'm busy."
"Yeah, you look really busy over there. Who are you even texting?"
Ben's phone vibrated in his pocket.
* * *
SMS Text Message
To: Ben Wyatt
From: April Ludgate
This is stupid.
* * *
Ben frowned.
He turned back to face her, but she'd left the hallway, plopped down on the couch, and started flipping through the channels on the TV.
"Seriously?" he muttered to himself.
Thankfully, Andy was home a few minutes later, ready to help, with a huge grin on his face.
"Dude, I love packing!" Andy told him. "It's so much fun! Do you have packing peanuts?"
Ben nodded and gestured towards a bag in the corner of his room.
"SCORE!" Andy shouted, running over to the bag and jumping on top of it.
Ben's eyes widened. "Are you okay?"
Andy was rubbing his elbow, which he had rammed quite violently into the wall.
"Fine, dude. You should've gotten more packing peanuts, though. That kind of hurt."
"Well I'm sorry that I didn't know you were going to want to jump into a pile of them. I should have expected it," Ben said dryly.
"Yeah," Andy agreed, nodding his head seriously. "But it's okay, man, no worries, these will still be fun. You have packing tape too, right? What about bubble wrap? OH DUDE, YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE BUBBLE WRAP, RIGHT?"
Ben sighed and ran a weary hand over his face. "Yes, I have bubble wrap. But I need it to pack with."
"Yeah, yeah, of course," Andy replied, "but you can at least spare like…half the sheets right? Because packing just isn't the same without bubble wrap to pop."
"You can have one sheet."
"Sweet, dude! Thanks," Andy grinned as Ben regretfully handed him a sheet of bubble wrap.
While Ben started packing away his DVD and Bluray collection, Andy started jumping on his sheet of bubble wrap.
"We should have sex on that," April said from the doorway.
"Oh my god, honey, that's such a good idea," Andy agreed, grabbing his bubble wrap and chasing after his wife, who was smirking at Ben from the doorway.
They left, and Ben clenched his fists.
April was clearly passive aggressively trying to stop Ben from packing. Not just in her usual 'I'm just doing this to annoy you' way, but really. It felt a bit like her twisted way of trying to get him to stay.
He thought for a moment that maybe he should be touched, but in reality, she was just pissing him the hell off.
* * *
"You're going to miss me, aren't you?" Ben asked April knowingly the next morning, while she was grabbing some breakfast and he was sipping on his coffee.
"No," she replied easily.
"Uh huh," said Ben. "Except you are."
"Am not."
"I don't believe you."
"And I don't care."
"Sure you don't," he acquiesced, clearly not believing her. "Do you want a ride to work?"
April stared him down for a minute, obviously wanting to say no, then muttered, "Fine. Andy will be ready in a minute."
It went on like that for the next several days.
* * *
On Wednesday, Ben ran into Leslie at the office.
"Hey," he said to her when he found her sitting by the wallflower mural.
"Hi," she whispered with a muted smile.
He paused, not knowing if he should move on or talk to her for a few minutes. He was moving in four days, and now he was finding it difficult to think about not seeing her anymore. Not seeing her shiny hair, her twinkling eyes, her delicate frame. There was a sudden lump in his throat, and he swallowed hard, trying to relieve the tension.
"So, um," Leslie began, "Your goodbye party is on Friday. Tom invited me. Do you want me to go? Or would that be too…weird?"
Ben blinked back his surprise. He hadn't even thought of that. In fact, he'd nearly forgotten about the party Tom had decided to throw him altogether.
"Oh, um…Friday, right. The party. Um…you can come if you - if you want to. Whatever you want is fine."
"Do you want me there, Ben?"
He closed his eyes for a fraction of second when he heard her use his name.
"I…" he sighed. "I want you to go if you want to go. But I think the party would be much better if you were there."
He had a hint of a smile on his face as he said it.
Leslie's eyes softened, and she blushed. "Okay. I'll see you there."
Ben put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, a small smile still tugging at his lips.
"Yeah," he agreed, "See you there."
He made to walk away, when Leslie's voice rang out: "You leave on Sunday, right?"
Ben didn't meet her eyes. He didn't even turn around, too scared to look at her. "Yeah."
He heard a sharp intake of breath come from her direction, but she said nothing.
Ben closed his eyes, took a deep breath, steadied himself, and walked away, doing everything in his power to keep her from steeling his resolve.
Nothing but silence met him as his heels scuffed the floor as he walked away.
* * *
Friday dawned, and Ben grimaced the second he awoke. He was not particularly looking forward to the day ahead of him - April's continuous bitching and whining about his leaving, Tom trying to give him fashion tips, and his going away party at the Snakehole Lounge.
The whole day at work, Tom kept popping into his office telling him to 'lose the plaid tonight' and to 'buy some new shoes because the ugly hunks of leather on his feet look like an overdone steak.'
He figured he'd go to the party in what he already had on. Maybe add his tan windbreaker into the equation.
He didn't tell Tom that, of course. He just nodded in agreement and shooed him away.
Mostly, all Ben could think about was (unsurprisingly) Leslie.
Tonight would quite possibly be the last time he was in Leslie's presence.
God. How was he supposed to process that? He was leaving the woman he loved behind.
It's not like that, he told himself. You guys broke up. Her career is too important to her. You don't owe it to her to stay here.
But god, he really didn't know how to deal with the idea of not seeing her again.
Maybe he would see her again, though. She'd wanted to stay friends. He'd agreed. Indy wasn't that far away. Just a few hours. It's not like he was going overseas. One day, when they were both ready, they could see each other again, as friends.
It didn't have to be the complete end.
But, still. If by chance they never reached that place…if they could never get quite comfortable in a friendship…If you can't get over her, the voice in his head told him, then this could be the last time he truly laid his eyes on Leslie Knope.
It was a damn good thing this party was at the Snakehole Lounge because he was going to need a very strong drink.
* * *
Ben's phone rang just as he was tucking into his dinner, around 7 PM that evening, a solid two hours before he needed to leave the house to hit the Snakehole Lounge.
"Hello?" he answered.
"What are you wearing?"
Ben coughed. "…Tom?" he ventured carefully.
"Nerd! Answer the question."
"Uh…what I was wearing in the office?"
"I mean tonight, dummy, at the party."
Ben cleared his throat. "Um…what I was wearing in the office?"
Tom was silent. Ben could nearly hear his heart breaking.
"We've talked about this, Benjamin. That's just unacceptable."
"Okay," Ben agreed, not really caring.
"You're already trying to kill this thing, aren't you?" Tom asked. "Beeeeen," he whined, "This could be an exciting opportunity for my company! Stop trying to bring it down before it can even begin!"
"Wait," Ben furrowed his brows in confusion, "This things is being hosted by your company? Entertainment 720?"
"Duh! Why else do you think I'd be throwing you this thing?"
"Well, I don't know…maybe because you were trying to be a good friend?"
Tom sighed into the receiver loudly, and Ben had to pull the phone away from his ear slightly.
"Well, that too!" Tom replied.
Ben rolled his eyes. "Always nice to know you're going to be missed," he said dryly.
"Dude, I'm gonna seriously miss you. Who else am I going to make fun of? Who else am I going to teach to dress well?"
This got a low chuckle out of Ben. "I'll be sure to open all your emails you forward from Brooks Brothers Boys while in Indy, alright?"
"Thank you, finally."
"I'll see you later tonight, alright?" said Ben.
Just as he was going to hang up, finger on the button, he heard Tom shout, "WEAR A SUIT!"
He grinned and hung up.