Human Qualities - Parks and Rec - 1/?
Title: Human Qualities
Author: modernxxmyth
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 in future parts)
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Ben/Leslie, April/Andy, Ben/April friendship
Warnings: None
Notes: This is my story from NaNoWriMo! I finished, and it's currently sitting at about 52k. I still need to write the epilogue, so I'm guessing it'll end up around 55,000 words when it's all said and done.
Word Count: ~5,300 in this part
Summary: Set after 4.01 I Am Leslie Knope. After the break-up, Ben decides he'll never be able to move on from Leslie if he stays in Pawnee and chooses to move back to Indianapolis. (P.S. Don't worry, they're still endgame.)
Chapter One
Ben gave Leslie the campaign pin and smiled at her, and just like that, it was over.
They were over.
It was hard to believe.
He cried in his car.
It wasn't pretty.
He didn't even make it out of the parking lot before he made a choked noise and a few tears started spilling down his cheeks.
He felt like an idiot.
He knew he had needed to break up with Leslie. He knew it had been coming for a while. But fuck if it didn't hurt like hell already, anyway.
But then he saw Tom coming out of the building, and he stuck his keys in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot as quickly as he could, sending out a silent prayer that he wasn't seen.
First things first, Ben really needed a beer. Or six. He picked up a case on his way home, glancing in the mirror to make sure he didn't look like he'd just been crying like a pathetic idiot before going inside, and he cracked a beer the moment he walked in the door. April and Andy weren't home, thank god, so Ben took a moment to lean his head against the wall and breathe deeply.
He and Leslie were through.
It took some serious adjusting to get used to.
When they were together, he'd always known they were running on borrowed time. That the so-called 'bubble' couldn't last forever and that somehow, someway, it would get well and properly popped. Either Chris would find out, and they'd be fired, or they'd eventually have to call it quits if they weren't able to figure something out.
Well, there was nothing to figure out the moment William Barnes and Elizabeth approached Leslie about something that was clearly not the lady's yacht club.
Leslie was running for office.
God, he was happy for her. He really was.
But that was it for them, then.
It was Leslie's dream to hold public office. He couldn't hold that against her. He didn't hold that against her. He understood what it was like to have your whole life up for examination.
Sneaking around in secret wasn't safe enough anymore. The public would scrutinize every detail of her life.
It wasn't just their jobs they were risking, it was Leslie's dreams.
Ben took a long drink from his beer and flipped on the television, hoping for a distraction.
It was still set to The History Channel from when Leslie had snuck over the night before. Andy and April had been out late partying and had crashed Derek and some guy named Gay Ben's place, according to the slurred voicemail he'd received. He'd have to ask April about that one later.
The voicemail had gone as follows:
"Hey loser, it's your roommate. Just thought I'd tell you that me and Andy are crashing at Derek and Ben's - well, Gay Ben, I guess, that's weird, but yeah we're sleeping at Derek and Gay Ben's place because it's right down the block from the bar, so. Yeah. Thought I'd tell you before you go and blow up my phone with concerned texts or whatever. Oh, and we're out of chocolate milk. Don't forget to buy some more. I don't care what you say, mixing chocolate syrup and regular milk doesn't taste the same."
And then she'd abruptly hung up.
Ben had shaken his head in confusion and invited Leslie over for what was apparently the last time.
Not that they'd managed to spend all too much time together at his place when they were dating. He'd never told Andy and April that he was dating Leslie - too much risk. He knew April would probably keep quiet, but Andy was never very good with secrets, even if he had the best of intentions.
Ben took another long swallow of his beer and flipped through the channels, not wanting the reminder of his last night with Leslie. Back to the Future was on. That got a slight smile out of him. It had always been one of his favorite movies, ever since he was a kid.
He settled into the couch with a case of beer by his side and proceeded to get to the drinking.
Ben was polishing off his fourth bottle when April came home, eyebrows raised at the sight of him.
"You look like shit," she told him as she dropped her keys in her bag and plopped down on the couch next to him, grabbing one of his beers and popping it open.
"That's my beer," Ben said, a note of irritation in his voice.
"Did you buy chocolate milk?"
"No."
"Then I'm drinking your beer."
Ben rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I bought a case."
April raised an eyebrow. "What happened to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're four Miller Light's in, and that'd be normal for me or Andy, but you're getting drunk and sad on the couch by yourself, which I've never seen you do before. So what happened?"
Ben's eyebrows furrowed.
"Not that I really care," April added, "but depressed people make really crappy roommates, so. Spill. Get un-sad. Have another beer."
She handed him one.
"I was…I was seeing this woman recently, and we…broke up today."
"Wait, Leslie dumped you?"
"You knew?" he exclaimed, abruptly sitting up straight.
"Of course I knew, dumb ass. I'm not an idiot. You're never home, and you two are all giggly every time you see each other. It's annoying. You're like a couple of lesbian school girls."
Ben frowned. "Well, she didn't exactly dump me."
"Did you dump her? Why would you do that? Don't make me kick your ass. Or murder you. Orin knows a guy who can hide the body."
Ben blinked and considered for a moment exactly how serious she might be.
"Leslie's running for City Council."
"Oh," was all April said.
She took a swig of her beer.
Then she added, "Fuck."
"Yeah," Ben agreed. "Fuck."
They sat in companionable silence, drinking and staring at the TV until Ben spoke up again.
"Does Andy know?"
April shook her head. "No. You were keeping it a secret - or trying to, anyway - for a reason. I figured if you wanted him to know, he'd know."
Ben nodded.
When the credits started rolling, April asked for twenty dollars for pizza.
Drunk Ben was feeling far too uncaring to protest and handed the cash over, requesting pepperoni.
She got sausage instead.
But she got thin crust instead of regular, and thin crust was Ben's favorite, and he knew that April knew that, so even with her attempts to irritate him, he knew she was trying to do a nice thing.
Andy came home half-way through the pizza, guitar in hand, raving about the new song he'd been practicing with his band. He waved quickly at Ben, grabbed April's hand, and dragged her off to their room, very obviously for sex.
Ben cracked another beer and stared at whatever was on the TV, doing everything in his power not to think about how in love he was with Leslie Knope.
* * *
He dreamed about her, though.
His dreams were full of her smile like sunshine and her yellow hair and her passion.
He woke up feeling lonelier than ever.
Ben was used to waking up alone, really. He was. He'd spent half his life on the road, bouncing from town to town and woman to woman. He was used to be being on his own.
But since he'd been in Pawnee and since he and Leslie had started seeing each other in secret, he'd allowed himself to get comfortable. To get used to waking up with her by his side. To get used to her.
It had been a mistake.
Ben could feel the loneliness seeping in much more than any days on the road very quickly.
He swallowed hard, shook himself, went to the bathroom, and splashed some cold water on his face.
It was just a break-up.
Just any other break-up.
He'd be fine.
Right?
Plot twist: He was wrong.
Very wrong.
Ben Wyatt was about to be fucked up six ways to Sunday.
* * *
Ben woke up the next day with a bit of a hangover.
Scratch that, a lot of a hangover.
He didn't throw up in the shower this time, thank god, but he was already perfectly miserable before he checked his schedule while making himself a cup of coffee and blanched.
He had a meeting with Leslie, Chris, and Ron today.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
He rushed to get ready, already running behind and moving sluggishly because of his hangover.
He was ten minutes late to the meeting, and he felt like a professional asshole.
"Sorry, car trouble," he explained, lying through his teeth, as he entered the room.
Ron was looking surly.
Leslie was smiling serenely at him.
He didn't smile back. He did his best not to even meet her gaze. He couldn't.
He felt like shit and didn't have any idea how he was supposed to feel about her at this given moment.
Chris put a hand on his shoulder.
"It is a bit unprofessional, Ben, but I do understand that all of us have car trouble sometimes. Let's begin!"
The meeting lasted about half an hour, and Ben kept fidgeting uncomfortably and tapping his pen with nervousness.
"Stop that tapping, son," Ron spoke up, "or I leave you to the wolves."
Ben coughed and dropped his pen.
"Sorry," he muttered.
He chanced a glance at Leslie.
Her eyes looked dull, like the usual brightness and energy and excitement were missing.
She swallowed. There were no traces of the smile she'd had on her face when he first arrived.
He looked away.
When they got to discussing Ramsett Park, the liveliness was back in Leslie's eyes, and her smile seemed very genuine.
Ben still kind of felt like throwing up. He wasn't quite sure if it was the hangover or if it was the break-up, but he figured it was a little bit of both.
How the hell was he supposed to see her like this all the time when they'd just broken up, and he was still ridiculously, crazy in love with her?
What was he supposed to do?
Seeing the woman of his dreams, day in and day out, knowing exactly what it was like to be with her, and not getting the chance anymore?
He suddenly wished he had some Bailey's for his coffee.
His stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought of alcohol.
Yeah, maybe not.
As soon as the meeting was finished, Leslie spoke up, "Ben, could I talk to you for a minute?"
He frowned. Was she serious?
"Um, yeah, sure," he replied, a confused frown on his face.
She pulled him aside as Ron and Chris left, and spoke in a hushed tone.
"Are you okay?" she asked, looking worried.
Ben cleared his throat. "Uh, what do you mean?"
"I mean you look like crap. I'm just worried about you. Are you okay?"
He ran a hand through his hair and breathed out. She seriously wanted to know how he was? They had broken up mere hours ago.
"I'm fine, Leslie, just had a long night."
She nodded. "Do you want to have lunch with me in the courtyard today?"
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?" she asked in an overly-chipper voice. "I mean, I know that we…that we broke up, but we can still be friends, right? Like we were before?"
Not like they were before, he thought.
He'd spent their entire friendship slowly but surely falling in love with her. How was he supposed to be her friend if that's what it was for him? No longer sleeping with her didn't change the way he felt.
He sighed.
"Look, Leslie…I…I do want to be your friend. I do. I just…can't. Not right now. Not today. It's still too fresh. I haven't adjusted yet. I can't just eat lunch with you like I don't…like I'm not…just…not right now, okay? I'm sorry."
"It's fine," she replied quietly. "I understand."
"I just don't know how I'm supposed to get over you if I spend all my time with you."
"I don't want you to get over me," she whispered, more to herself than to him.
He raised his eyebrows.
Leslie blinked, seeming to just realize what had slipped out of her mouth.
"Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't mean to say that. That was unfair of me."
"It was," he agreed. "But it's fine."
He glanced at his watch. "Um, well, I have to get going. I've got some work to do, so, I guess…I'll just…see you around?"
Leslie swallowed hard. "Yeah. See you."
Ben was too afraid to glance back as he walked away.
He let out a shaky breath and ran a hand over his face when he reached the hallway.
"Hey roomie!" Andy shouted from the shoeshine stand upon seeing him.
"Hey, Andy."
"Are you hungover? April wasn't, but she can drink more than you. Even though she's tiny. She told me it's because she's Puerto Rican. It's awesome."
"I've had better mornings," Ben admitted.
Andy gestured behind himself. "Do you want to buy some peptobismol? April told me to charge fifty bucks for it, but since you and I are buddies, I'll give you a good deal. Like half off or something."
Ben gave him a tight smile. "No, I'm good. Thanks, though."
"No problem. Hey, did you remember to pick up chocolate milk?"
Ben had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "No. I'll get some on my way home, alright?"
"Cool, thanks man."
He wandered back to his office, thanking his lucky stars that Chris wasn't in the room, and put his head on his desk, finally able to take a moment to collect himself.
How the hell was he going to keep this up?
* * *
The rest of the week was awkward.
Ben and Leslie avoided each other, a fact that Tom actually pointed out and that Ben just sort of shrugged off, telling him they were both busy people.
Ron certainly must've known.
And April just kept giving him these annoying, knowing looks. There was nothing akin to pity in her gaze. Just a penetrative stare, like she couldn't be fooled.
Ben was starting to wonder when the hell April got to know him so well and why he thought he really understood her, too, somehow.
That, on it's own, was a little unnerving.
He started eating a lot at Sue's Salads.
It was pretty much the only place in Pawnee he felt like he wouldn't run into Leslie.
At least, Ben supposed, now that he wasn't dating Leslie, he could be better about eating healthy again. Less J.J.'s and less dessert.
Chris would be pleased with him if he had any idea there had been a change to his diet in the first place.
He was sitting in a corner of Sue's Salads by himself, picking at a cobb salad while pouring over a new Reagan biography he'd bought, when Leslie walked in, flagged by her campaign advisors.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he muttered to himself.
He bent his head down and stared at the book, using all his might not to stare at Leslie.
She saw him, of course. It wasn't a particularly large establishment, and it was the middle of the afternoon.
"Ben!" she exclaimed with a beaming smile.
Leslie glanced at her campaign advisors and cleared her throat, trying to tone down her excitement.
"Hey, Leslie," he said. "What on earth are you doing here?"
She laughed a little breathlessly. "Campaign stuff. Talking with small business owners."
Ben nodded. "Makes sense."
She glanced at her campaign advisors again. "I should, uh…Tanya's expecting to talk to me, so, um…"
"Oh, yeah, of course," Ben replied. "Uh, good luck?"
Leslie gave him a tight smile. "Thanks."
She scooted off to talk to Tanya, and Ben finished his salad quickly, cleaned up after himself, and headed back to the office.
Was this what is was going to be like with Leslie from now on? Always like this? Awkward and professional overkill and lack of eye contact?
Now that they were over, it was starting to feel like what they had was tainted. He had been (and still was) crazy in love with Leslie Knope. He'd loved what they had during their few months together. It was the greatest thing that he'd ever had, if he was perfectly honest with himself. Leslie made him happier than he had actually ever thought was possible for him. She brought him out of his shell. She'd broken down his walls and gotten to know the real Ben Wyatt - something no one else had ever truly succeeded in. And that was gone now, leaving him even more closed off than ever.
He felt a bit like he'd given a little piece of himself to Leslie that he was never going to get back. And she didn't even know she had it.
* * *
It had been 3 weeks, 5 days, and a couple hours since Leslie and Ben had broken up when Ben composed a new email to his former boss in Indianapolis.
Hey Tim-
I'm looking into possibly getting a new job, maybe back in Indianapolis again. Just wondering if you have any openings. Get back to me when you can.
Thanks,
Ben
He sighed and closed his laptop. Pursing his lips, he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and plopped down on the couch, closing his eyes.
April walked in moments later and eyed him carefully.
"You're not fun when you're moping," she told him, grabbing the beer out of his hand and taking a sip, then handing it back.
"Making fun of you isn't as fun when you look like you're going to walk into traffic," she explained.
Ben rolled his eyes and took a few gulps from the bottle.
"Sorry I'm ruining your fun," he smirked.
She grabbed the beer out of his hand again and polished off the bottle.
Ben broke the silence after a few minutes. "I'm thinking about moving back to Indianapolis."
April frowned. "That's stupid."
"I honestly just don't know if I can be here anymore, April. Leslie is everywhere, all the time. She is Pawnee. How am I supposed to try and get over her or move on if I can't escape her?"
"You're even more of an idiot than I thought if you really believe that moving to Indianapolis is going to help you escape her," she told him. "It's Leslie," she emphasized, like that explained it all. In a way, he supposed, it did.
"Well, it'll certainly be easier there than it is here," he told her.
April pursed her lips. "It's still a stupid idea. Besides, you're not allowed to move. You signed a lease."
"No I didn't."
"Okay, but you pay a bunch of our rent, you owe it to us to stay. Think of the state the house will be in if you move out. Andy and I might die. And then you'll get charged with manslaughter because it was your fault. You know what happens to guys like you in prison, Ben? I can tell you in great detail."
"Dear lord. Please don't."
She just stared at him.
"Do you need me to teach you how to make a shank? I hear the riots in there are brutal."
"Jesus Christ, April."
That got a thin smile out of her.
"I'm just here to help," she told him in a dull tone.
"Uh huh."
"Don't move," she told him quietly. "Andy will miss you."
Ben smiled at that. "Nothing's set in stone yet. But…I'd miss Andy, too."
Both of them knew what they really meant.
He'd miss Andy, too, obviously. He really would. But they both knew they were talking about their weird friendship they'd developed the past couple months.
"Plus, if you move, then the only Ben here will be Gay Ben, and I hate him."
"Okay, seriously, who the hell is Gay Ben?"
"He's my ex-boyfriend Derek's boyfriend. You met him. He was at the wedding."
"Oh," he nodded. "Right, that guy. I was too busy being chased around the house by Orin."
"All he wanted to do was tell you how you were going to die," she told him.
"And I clearly didn't want to know!"
"It's murder, by the way."
Ben let out a spluttering cough. "Great."
"Maybe you'll get lucky, and I'll be the one to do it."
"You know, you're a terrifying friend to have," Ben told her.
"Shut up," April smiled.
Ben laughed.
"You're still going to do our taxes for us, right?"
* * *
Ben's old boss Tim emailed him back the next morning.
Hey Ben,
Great to hear from you, man! I'm sorry to hear things in Pawnee don't seem to be working out. We've got a few job openings over here, if you're interested. Were you looking to get back on the road or stay put? Give me a call sometime soon. Maybe we can set something up.
-Tim
Well then.
He had options.
Ben sent off a quick email, telling him he'd be in touch in a few days, that he wanted to take the weekend to mull things over.
Did he really want to move? He'd finally settled in here. He'd finally found a place he felt at home. But how much of that had been Pawnee, and how much of that had been Leslie? Because it'd been a month since the break-up, and Ben wasn't happy. He didn't feel at home.
What was left for him here, really?
He had a few friends, sure. He had April and Andy and Chris and maybe Tom, sort of. But Leslie had known Andy and April much longer than he had, and he was pretty sure he knew where their allegiance was, even with April's friendship.
Chris was the only person in Pawnee he knew would stay on his side, but…it was Chris. He had no idea what had been going on with Ben and Leslie in recent months, and Ben couldn't tell him now. Even if he did move to Indianapolis, they'd still need to keep the news of their prior relationship a secret. She was running for City Council. A scandal that's ended is still a scandal and would always remain so in Pawnee.
He wondered for a moment how Leslie would react to the idea of Ben moving.
He honestly had no idea how she would feel. Not good, he expected. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt her, but…they weren't together anymore. And it's not like they ever saw each other and said more than a few words to one another, anyway. Maybe a little distance would be good for their friendship.
Ben didn't know what else to do.
Staying in Pawnee…working at City Hall…watching Leslie happily make her dreams come true without him…it was breaking him a little bit. A lot, actually.
He missed her like crazy.
He missed her like crazy, and she was a ten minute drive away.
It was completely fucked, really.
God, he missed her, though. Truly missed her - what they had. It had been special. It had been real. Honestly, Ben had thought that Leslie Knope was it for him. That she was The One, his forever girl, his soulmate, whatever the hell you want to call it, however cliche and pathetic that made him sound.
He'd wanted to spend his life with her.
He, of course, never made that clear to her, but why would he? He had known from the start that he was getting ahead of himself. They'd only dated for a few months. But he hadn't been able to help it - he fell for her, and he pictured a future with her. He'd never been quite sure how they were going to get there, if they were going to get there. When they were sneaking around, things were exciting and complicated, but despite the craziness of the situation, it had felt so real to Ben. The most real thing in his life.
But if there was one thing Ben knew about Leslie Knope, it was that she loved her career. Desperately. And that was fine. Wonderful, even. Her passion and dedication were some of the things he dearly loved about her. So he knew he would have to step aside when she started making campaign speeches in her sleep. Specific ones. He'd known it was over right then and there, laying in bed with her. It broke his heart. But that was just the nature of the game that they'd decided to play.
It was making him a little crazy.
For his own sanity, he honestly didn't think he could do it anymore.
He was going to move to Indianapolis.
He'd call Tim tomorrow to set something up.
He just needed to get out of Pawnee.
He needed to find a way to move on.
And that wasn't going to happen if he was constantly in the presence of Leslie.
Now he just had to figure out what in the hell he was going to tell her.
* * *
SMS Text Message
To: Leslie Knope
From: Ben Wyatt
Need to talk to you. Have any free time on Monday?
SMS Text Message
To: Ben Wyatt
From: Leslie Knope
Sure! How's 12? My office?
SMS Text Message
To: Leslie Knope
From: Ben Wyatt
That'll work. See you then.
SMS Text Message
To: Ben Wyatt
From: Leslie Knope
Looking forward to it :)
* * *
Ben was dreading talking to Leslie more than anything.
It was going to be an extremely difficult conversation to have.
How was he supposed to talk to her and look her in the eye and tell her he was leaving when all he wanted to do every single moment of every single day was kiss her? When he was still so in love with her? When he hadn't moved on, not for a second.
What was he supposed to say?
Ben knocked on the door to her office at 11:59 AM, thankful that Tom wasn't around.
Leslie looked up from her work and smiled brilliantly at him through the glass window. She gestured for him to come inside.
Ben entered her office, closing the door behind him, and sat down in the chair opposite her desk.
"Hey," he said with a sad smile.
"Hey yourself," Leslie replied, a nervous laugh in her voice. "So what's this meeting about?"
"I have to…I have to tell you something."
Leslie blinked several times and a serious expression settled on her face. "What is it?"
Ben swallowed hard. "I'm moving back to Indianapolis."
Her eyes widened and breathing hitched. She whispered, "When?"
"I'm not sure," he replied, looking down at his feet. "Soon, though. I handed in my two weeks notice to Chris this morning. I'm apartment hunting in Indy this weekend."
Leslie took a long, deep breath. "Um…wow, well, okay. What are you…what are you going to do for a job?"
"My old office has a few positions open. My old boss, Tim, is going to help me out."
She nodded. "I just," her voice broke, "um, I just need to know…why?"
Ben met her gaze, but said nothing. He knew his face was telling her exactly why.
"So you're really moving just to get away from me?" her voice had an edge of sharpness to it.
"Leslie," he sighed, "It's not like that."
"How is that not what it's like?" she asked.
"I just…you know, you and Pawnee, they go hand in hand for me. I loved Pawnee because I got to share it with you. But this, seeing each other everyday like we're just old colleagues, like what we had never happened, it's driving me crazy. I can't…I can't get over you like this. And I need to get over you because I can't have you, and I don't want to torture myself over it anymore. I don't think I know how to be in Pawnee anymore if I can't be with you. So I'm going back to Indianapolis. For my sake."
Leslie blinked back a few tears and sniffed. "I understand," she murmured.
Ben gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry."
"Can we be friends?" Leslie asked suddenly.
"What?"
"Can we be friends, with you in Indy, can we be friends? I just…I can't picture not talking to you anymore. I know we haven't talked much lately, but…at least here and there. I just…I guess I just want to know that I'm not going to completely lose you."
"Yeah," he said gruffly. "Yeah, we can be friends."
The corners of Leslie's lips tugged upward. "Okay. Good. Friends."
"It'll have to…I think we should take the friendship slow at first. But I don't want to stop knowing you."
Leslie nodded. "Okay."
"Okay."
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Ben cleared his throat, "Um, yeah, so I guess I better…yeah, I should get back to work."
"Me too."
He left Leslie's office and forced himself not to look back.
* * *
"Did you make Leslie cry?"
Ben's head snapped up, diverting his attention from the political biography he was reading from his spot on his couch.
"What?" he asked.
"Did you make Leslie cry?" April repeated, crossing her arms and leaning up against the wall nearest to him. She did not look happy.
"I don't, I mean…"
"I caught her crying in the bathroom this afternoon. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but it was obvious. She's only ever gotten really sad like that over you. Did you tell her you were moving?"
Ben scratched his head. "Yeah."
"Well maybe instead of being an asshole, you could just stay here instead of making Leslie cry."
And then Ben just sort of exploded.
"Well, if I have to stay in Pawnee, I'm going to be the one crying! I can't do this anymore, April! Being around her all the time and not being with her? It kills me. How the fuck am I supposed to get over her in this kind of environment? I feel like I've lost a piece of myself, okay? Like she took it with her when we broke up, and I can't get it back. It's not like some fucking t-shirt or toothbrush or CD or something that she can throw in a box and give to me over amicable post-break up coffee. I can't get that piece of me back, and it feels too raw and too painful and too exposed having to watch it leave with her every day at the end of the work day. So I need to leave. I need to get out and go somewhere where the wound can heal. I feel like I need to be reshaped, like I need to let some scar tissue heal the missing piece. And I can't do that here. And I need to do that. Because I can't be like this anymore. I just can't."
Ben stood up and walked away, retreating to his room and locking the door behind him.
"That was a really shitty metaphor!" April called after him.
* * *
Ben's phone starting ringing about ten minutes after his confrontation with April.
"Hello?"
"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE LEAVING PAWNEE?"
"…Tom?"
"YES, IT'S TOM! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MOVING BACK TO INDIANAPOLIS WITHOUT TELLING ME?"
"Uh, well, I just gave my notice today…I hadn't really planned on making an announcement…"
"Why the hell are you leaving, dude? I thought you liked it here!"
"It's just time for me to move on," Ben explained.
"Well, clearly I'm going to have to throw you a goodbye party at the Snakehole Lounge."
"I really don't think that will be necessary."
"Are you kidding me? Yes it is. But this party is going to be cool, you got that? No nerd stuff."
"Great," he said dryly.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch," Tom said, "I'll make sure they have plenty of Miller Light for you."
Ben snorted. "Alright, whatever."
"I would also like to make it clear," Tom began, "that while I may be throwing this dope party in your honor, I still do not approve of or condone your
decision to leave Pawnee. What about Leslie, man?"
"What…" Ben cleared his throat, "What about Leslie?"
"I thought you guys were friends! In fact, I thought you were going to make little nerd babies together to spawn a new generation of geek!"
"That's…no. We're friends. That's it. I can still be her friend from Indy."
"Whatever, man. This is clearly a betrayal. But the party is next Friday. I've already decided. So you should probably go shopping because I am five thousand percent positive that anything you have to wear in your closet is not acceptable to be worn in public, let alone at a party in your honor. Got it?"
"Got it," Ben replied grudgingly.
"Alright, I'll talk to you later, man. I gotta hit up Jean-Ralphio and start talking about getting DJ Bluntz for this. Later, nerd."
Ben rolled his eyes and hung up.