Rush what, he says. Of course he would. I knew he wasn't ready. Wes isn't even thinking about marriage. He probably thinks I wouldn't want to. I'd give Wes anything though, and that would be such a tiny thing to give, even though it would be big for him. Huge even, I'd wager. I wonder if it would make him feel more at ease about us, if it might give his mind a break, wondering all the time if he's not supposed to be with me
( ... )
The boy looks very sleepy. In fact I'm surprised he's still clutching my finger. When it comes to that he does resemble his father, always trying to hold on tight, even when your body is about to give up on you. And good how hard is it going to be whenever we go anywhere with Connor and-and-- people say what they usually do around babies
( ... )
Blinking as Lorne readies the bed for Connor, I look over at Wes and see him blinking and gaping too. I marvel at Lorne's ease with parenthood along with Wes, wondering where these skills came from. It takes me a moment to move so that we can put Connor to bed. A little noise escapes him at the loss of Wes' finger, I think and I freeze for a second before laying him gently in his makeshift little bed
( ... )
He twitched, Angel I mean, the moment Lorne suggested he leave Connor alone. I could see it from the corner of my eyes. That was going to be troublesome. Of course I'm well aware that most new parents are weary of leaving their children with anyone, but they usually had nine months to work themselves into such a state. Angel had exactly a few hours. Less then a day. And already he was feeling so very protective toward the child. Yes, I felt the need to protect Connor as well, but I trusted Lorne to look after the boy. Especially since he'd already shown to be so much better at this then either Angel or myself
( ... )
Something about having the two of us alone makes me feel 100% better about everything. If I listen just right, I could still hear Connor and Lorne while Wes and I are in the next room. And having Wes with me? Always better. We both simply stand there in the other room for a few moments, neither of us really ready? or maybe not up to having this discussion, but I can see Wes wanting to push our way through it, get this solved, get us all safe
( ... )
Good bloody god, I'm just waiting for all of this to catch up with me and making me trip. Have me tumbling down a path that'll only lead to - hopefully - my own destruction. I don't mean to say that I want that, but if it's only my own and no one else’s - Angel and Connor's being in the forefront of my mind - then I might be able to live with it. That what I'm waiting for. The world as I've come to know it and started to love to come crumbling down
( ... )
The moment my arms are around him, I can feel him, see him visibly relax. It makes me relax too. We're going to do this, and we're going to be able to handle this. Having only moments to come to grips with being a parent is exhausting and impossible for anyone, but I think we're going to make it, whatever happens. Whatever doubts creep in, whatever problems come up. I think we're going to make it.
The look on Wes' face tells me that I'm not wrong, that he has faith in us, this, me, that we can handle this. And we've got friends to help us even if I'm never the best about letting them do that. As is obvious from what just happen. But I'm glad they're there and I'm glad Wes is here. Right here. In my arms
( ... )
My brain will turn off, is what I'm thinking only moments before his lips touch mine. Of course deep down I knew that when I asked him to kiss me, and maybe that's why I asked. There's just so much to think about. For Connor, or Angel, for the others. So many things we'll need to take into account to ensure the safety of everyone here, not just Connor. That maybe, just maybe I wanted to stop thinking for a little while. Not feel as though the sole responsibility rests on my shoulders
( ... )
His tongue sneaks out to lick his lips and I smile. This is good. I like seeing him without so much worry in his eyes. I know it's still there - I *know* I'm not that good that I can actually get rid of his worry with just some kisses - but at least it's fuzzier and he looks better for it. If I could, we'd make love right now so that I could really turn off his brain and then think about things on my own while he got some rest. But it's not the time, and we should talk together, I think
( ... )
Oh. More kissing. And touching even. Now if only we could keep on doing this, that would be-- very irresponsible I guess. My brain-activity certainly turned down a notch or two as he keeps brushing his lips over mine. My mouth, my cheek, my face. Hands holding on tightly to my waist while my own are gripping his shoulder the way I used to do. When I felt so insecure about what we had that I had to literally hold onto him
( ... )
He doesn't fight me or try to get away as I walk us back to the armchair, but there is a frown I notice that flits across his face. Didn't want to stop either, I'm guessing. Which is why I'm not letting him out of my hands any time soon. I don't want to stop touching him and it seems like he doesn't want it to stop either
( ... )
The frown deepens somewhat when he maneuvers me to sit on his lap. It's only the knowledge that he does this to feel comforted himself that stops me from getting off and sitting down elsewhere. Not that I don't like sitting in his lap, but not under these circumstances. It makes me feel as though I'm weak, and small and not at all on equal footing. Which is my own fault for feeling that way I suppose so I don't mention it, but I'm not utterly comfortable either
( ... )
I smile back at him, reaching up to brush fingers over his cheek. He's so adorable when he looks at me so softly like that. "Maybe we could find a woman who just died recently? Someone without any family for Wolfram and Hart to find and have them want her child. We could look through the obituaries, find a young woman and that way no one could refute that his mother existed?" I suggest, not even sure if that would work either. "Or make someone up," I add
( ... )
That frown is not about to leave my face any time soon is it? Either it be of worry or because I'm thinking to hard. I'm not sure if finding someone in the obituaries will work. You never know what sort of secrets someone carries with them. If anyone could find out Wolfram and Hart can. Not to destroy any relation ship obviously, but it could hurt us none the less
( ... )
I nod as he says we should make someone up so that we can control everything. It makes sense. Though...part of me wants to suggest we give the mother Darla's name somewhere, even her middle name or something. I know, I know it's stupid, and it will only upset Wes, but she did carry the boy to term, and she brought him to us. I think some part of her wanted to get him back here to me. She could have gone to Wolfram and Hart, gotten them to take the kid out, or someone, anyone else. I know she tried to kill him, and she would have too if she'd survived, but that one little moment when her face softened while she looked at that ultrasound... It seems like Connor should know who she was even if she- I don't know, it's probably best that there's no trace back to her. No link to anything possibly supernatural that might give away Connor's true origins
( ... )
"Good," I repeat dumbly, feeling very much exhausted. I can't hear Lorne or Connor in the other room, but I've no doubt Angel can. Probably listening like a hawk for any sounds from the boy that may seem he's in distress. Considering he nor I know what babies are supposed to sound like, I'm thinking any sound in the near future might have us running. That probably wont be very good either
( ... )
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
The look on Wes' face tells me that I'm not wrong, that he has faith in us, this, me, that we can handle this. And we've got friends to help us even if I'm never the best about letting them do that. As is obvious from what just happen. But I'm glad they're there and I'm glad Wes is here. Right here. In my arms ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment