Elitist Rants of a Self-Absorbed Student
Break was lovely. I did almost nothing except read and watch TV. I did get my passport pictures taken, and they're pretty bad. Oh well.
I finally got to see 300. It was absolutely amazing. I loved it. I want to see it again.
We also went to see Peaceful Warrior because my mom got free tickets from Best Buy. I thought it was dumb. The sort of pop philosophy just to give Americans something to agree with and then move on with their lives, completely forgetting the lesson they were supposed to learn. "Live in the now." Okay, good message, but no one's really listening. Wes and I thought it was dumb, but Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa liked it. Oh, and I hate sitting next to Grandma in the theater. She does not know how to whisper. At one point she leaned over and said "Grandpa's phone has vibrated three times! We never get this many calls in the afternoon!" It would have been fine if she had whispered. But she didn't.
So, last night, on the drive home, I finally told my parents that I don't believe in God. I don't know if that was a good idea or not, but it's done now. Dad kept trying to convince me to go to church, and I didn't want to (no one ended up going).
"Tomorrow we should all go to church--even you, Laitoste."
"No. I'm not going to church."
"Why?"
"I don't like church."
"Why?"
Pause. What do I say? Brutal honesty is the way to go, right? Oh well. "Because I don't believe in God."
My brother made that obnoxions scoffing noise he makes whenever he thinks someone says something extraordinarily stupid. My mom said, "That's terrible" three times before my dad said, "No it isn't. Stop." Then Mom said, "What are they doing to you up there? You send your devout kids and then what happens?"
"Mom, if I had gone to a secular university, I'd probably still be Xian."
"Why?"
"I wouldn't have read the Bible."
"I'm going to write a letter to the dean, let him know what's going on."
"Yeah, okay, Mom."
"You're still going to church on Easter."
"I know."
Then I made some comments on the Eucharist and Luther and some other stuff, and we pulled into the garage. I headed down to my room to avoid any more fallout and/or yelling matches. I didn't hear anything. After a while, Mom came down and told me she and Dad were worried about me, but that was more because I spend most of my free time in the room, alone, on the Internet than because I'm an atheist.
I don't know what I expected as a reaction when I told them this. More inquiry, I guess, or more of a blow up. The first, I think, was wishful thinking, the second an irrational fear. Well, not so irrational considering my mother. Anyway, I figured this was as good a time as any and my mom had been talking all week of how she disliked organized religion and how she was getting less religious in her old age. I don't know what my dad's religious leanings are, and my brother's quietly faithful. He's probably pretty orthodox for a moderately liberal Protestant. I have hope for him, though. Anyway, now they know, so I feel a lot better, but still apprehensive. I don't know the full consequences of this conversation, and that scares me. We didn't talk about it at all after getting out of the truck. I don't know what that means. I need to stop thinking about it. Because THAT always works...