my horoscope is trying to tell me something!!!!!!!!!
Career advancement and financial good fortune may come your way through travel, Erin, or perhaps through education. If what you're hoping for is contingent on one or both of these factors, don't waste time considering it. Go for it! Success is almost a sure thing for you right now - IF you make the most of whatever opportunities come your way, even if they seem disruptive. That won't last. Think about it!
if i knew what i wanted, i would go for it, and if i knew where i wanted to move, i would just move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reading my horoscope makes me more depressed about EVERYTHING.
i feel like so much is out of control in my life right now. the first week and a half of being out of work i was sick, but now that i'm feeling better, i've been looking for a new job and place to live, and i feel like there is nothing out there. if i could find an easy 9-5 job as a receptionist making decent money with beneits, i would. but i'm trying to listen to my head and my heart and its fucking hard. one is telling me to go one way while the other is telling me to stay and wait it out.
i've thought about leaving new england, and just starting over, but where the fuck would i go!? and would i be depressed there too?!
my mom has been so supportive, and she knows i'm still not 110% better and she knows returning to hell hold is not what i want. i seriously get panic attacks at work. i cry during most of my lunch break because i'm fucking miserable. or i go into the bathroom and text my mom or hana that i can't do this. the pressure is fucking crazy, and its just a bank job! and with no supervisor higher than me, its just me, so even if i do go from second supervisor to teller, my pay would decrease and i'm sure judy will tell me to still open the vault and such. so no thank you.
i shouldn't be this stressed about moving or a job change, i should be excited, but i'm not. and than i thought about taking a week off and going to arizona, just to get away. maybe i need to experience something else. or visit derek and phil sooner than i had planned. omfg i don't know. and this empty feeling inside of me just fucking sucks.
i was watching true life on mtv last night and i just got depressed. of course the show was on summer romance, and blah blah blah but STILL! they seemed to have someone there for them when they were down, and there i was, fucking lonely and bored as fuck, sitting, watching other people's love life on fucking MTV! and i'm sitting at home thinking, is he going to call me, or text me? does he miss the sound of my voice? he says he is pretty sure they are coming up saturday, and i was in shock. so i better feel good enough to go out and do something. but anyway! its like i wait around all day, thinking, is he going to call, because he has been. and we don't talk for long, but it still matters to me. and the other night , i missed his phone call because i was sleeping. i will tell myself not to text him to see if he will text me first. fucking lame, why do i feel that way!? if we're dating we shouldn't feel that way. but there is always this awckward stage for me when i first start dating someone. its like for the first few weeks, i feel like, he's not mine in some sence. so how should i act around him on saturday. he told me to act how i feel. well this is how i feel. when i see you for the first time, i want to jump into your arms and give you the biggest hug ever and kiss your cheek, since i know with having mono, kissing your lips is out of the question. and when we're together i want to hold your hand, and hug you and kiss you more. should i just do it, its like he gave me permission anyway. omg, what is wrong with me. see this my friends is anxiety, through typing. my brian pumps all these ideas, and thoughs in and out and than i freak out and peole wonder why i start to cry and have a panic attack, when its nothing. my mom, everyone, tells me to calm down, but i hate that i can't see him everyday or every week, because i can live with seeing him on the weekends, but its been two weeks, and that is a long fucking time!!!!!!!
i seriously had plans on sleeping in, but i had a dream about him, so i couldn't go back to bed, and now i'm starving for breakfast.....................
if i knew what i wanted, i would go for it, and if i knew where i wanted to move, i would just move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reading my horoscope makes me more depressed about EVERYTHING.
i feel like so much is out of control in my life right now. the first week and a half of being out of work i was sick, but now that i'm feeling better, i've been looking for a new job and place to live, and i feel like there is nothing out there. if i could find an easy 9-5 job as a receptionist making decent money with beneits, i would. but i'm trying to listen to my head and my heart and its fucking hard. one is telling me to go one way while the other is telling me to stay and wait it out.
i've thought about leaving new england, and just starting over, but where the fuck would i go!? and would i be depressed there too?!
my mom has been so supportive, and she knows i'm still not 110% better and she knows returning to hell hold is not what i want. i seriously get panic attacks at work. i cry during most of my lunch break because i'm fucking miserable. or i go into the bathroom and text my mom or hana that i can't do this. the pressure is fucking crazy, and its just a bank job! and with no supervisor higher than me, its just me, so even if i do go from second supervisor to teller, my pay would decrease and i'm sure judy will tell me to still open the vault and such. so no thank you.
i shouldn't be this stressed about moving or a job change, i should be excited, but i'm not. and than i thought about taking a week off and going to arizona, just to get away. maybe i need to experience something else. or visit derek and phil sooner than i had planned. omfg i don't know. and this empty feeling inside of me just fucking sucks.
i was watching true life on mtv last night and i just got depressed. of course the show was on summer romance, and blah blah blah but STILL! they seemed to have someone there for them when they were down, and there i was, fucking lonely and bored as fuck, sitting, watching other people's love life on fucking MTV! and i'm sitting at home thinking, is he going to call me, or text me? does he miss the sound of my voice? he says he is pretty sure they are coming up saturday, and i was in shock. so i better feel good enough to go out and do something. but anyway! its like i wait around all day, thinking, is he going to call, because he has been. and we don't talk for long, but it still matters to me. and the other night , i missed his phone call because i was sleeping. i will tell myself not to text him to see if he will text me first. fucking lame, why do i feel that way!? if we're dating we shouldn't feel that way. but there is always this awckward stage for me when i first start dating someone. its like for the first few weeks, i feel like, he's not mine in some sence. so how should i act around him on saturday. he told me to act how i feel. well this is how i feel. when i see you for the first time, i want to jump into your arms and give you the biggest hug ever and kiss your cheek, since i know with having mono, kissing your lips is out of the question. and when we're together i want to hold your hand, and hug you and kiss you more. should i just do it, its like he gave me permission anyway. omg, what is wrong with me. see this my friends is anxiety, through typing. my brian pumps all these ideas, and thoughs in and out and than i freak out and peole wonder why i start to cry and have a panic attack, when its nothing. my mom, everyone, tells me to calm down, but i hate that i can't see him everyday or every week, because i can live with seeing him on the weekends, but its been two weeks, and that is a long fucking time!!!!!!!
i seriously had plans on sleeping in, but i had a dream about him, so i couldn't go back to bed, and now i'm starving for breakfast.....................