Well I guess this is how it is

[ominousthomas]

I am officialy and utterly alone, without a single friend or friendly face to turn too. I wonder if this is how Craig felt in those last months in guess ill know soon enough. My last caring friend in the world Heidi is now banned from speaking, seeing, txting messaging or in any way contacting me or her fiancée will leave her, and since I know how that feels. I will not bother her, I guess I can't blame louis for how things are. But I don't kno what to do. I can't stand going to anymore meetings a day. I hate my socalled sober network of friends. I hate everything including myself. Only thing I still can't hate is bunny who I miss so badly thst evenuse pressing the missing it comes out in my night terrors. I got kicked out of impatient for the night terrors I wasndisturbing the other patients and was told I need to go to a private clinic I can't afford even with insurance. What I wouldn't give to sit and have tea and weed with bunny and pai in pais garden again, what I wouldn't give formheidi to atleast be allowed tomtalk to me via text. I'm not sure if this will be my last entries or not. My mother is leaving for South Carolina for a week or two soon and I'm going to take the oppertunity to check out without her finding me. I'm not sure how I'm going to make this work. I need to leave a note so someone cuts me down and finds me so my mother doesn't think I ran away and worry more than necesarry I wish she wouldn't go
I don't have anyone
But I've messed up her life enough she deserves to be anle to live the rest of her life without worrying about me. I can't take this trip from her, it's all she's been looking foreward to,
And I'll need someone to take care of Bella till she gets back,,or come up with the money for a kennel imwouldntmwant my mom to come homes to the dog having eaten my face like Schille but I cant live this way.