Why Men Cheat?
Men cheat because...
They can
Dress it up any way you want to, but men don’t view sex the way you women do, plain and simple. For a lot of you, the act of intercourse is emotional-an act of love. That’s understandable, considering the sheer physics of the act; you have to lie back and allow a foreign object to enter your body. You’ve been taught all your life that you only let that kind of deeply intimate moment happen with someone who really means something to you.
By contrast, when it comes to men and sex, neither emotions nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. It’s easy-very easy-for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water, and act like what he just did never happened. Sex can be a purely physical act for us-love has absolutely nothing to do with it.
They think they can get away with it
Of course, men will consider the risks of getting caught cheating on his lady. But mostly, men initiate affairs pretty confident that they’re going to get away with it, and most certainly with all kinds of confidence that if they get caught, their denials will see them through.
Most men don’t consider getting caught a laughing matter. A man who cheats has most certainly calculated the collateral damage that would come from getting busted-potential loss of the woman he loves, his children, his home, and his peace of mind-and he recognizes that this would be a devastating blow to all the things that matter in his life. We all are quite familiar with the saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” and men understand its meaning much better than you do; we know the hell is coming and there will be plenty of scorn if we get busted.
And basically, we think we’re slick and we go to great lengths to hide our infidelity from you, always with this in mind: if you don’t know about it, it can’t hurt you.(!)
He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be
or found who he truly wants
You may think this is a cop-out, but it is the reality. It goes back to the way men judge themselves against each other: we are defined by who we are, what we do, and how much we make. And if we haven’t gotten to where we want and need to be, then we’re not going to be ready to figure out how settling down with one woman fits into our plans for becoming a truly independent, mature, well-off man.That guy is still trying to complete himself, and while he’s working toward that, he’s not organizing his life to include a committed relationship. He tells himself he simply doesn’t have time for it-it’s simply not a priority for him. And so creep he will.
The same can be true, even, of a man who is married with children. The man who is mature and has figured out who he is and is happy with what he does and how much he makes probably has his life ordered up correctly; he’s become the man he envisioned himself being and has put his priorities in this order: God, family, education, business, and then everything else. But if family isn’t second, it’s about to be a problem; he’s going to dedicate himself to whatever his priorities are, in the order in which he’s put them.
What's happening at home isn't "happening" like it used to
That’s right, I said it: it could have something to do with you. Your man may be walking around telling himself that your relationship just doesn’t have that spark anymore, that you don’t turn him on like you used to-that you don’t come on to him like you did when the two of you first fell in love. You know how it goes: the two of you get comfortable with each other, settle in, have some babies, buy a house, and then get bogged down in the bills and raising the kids and going to work and keeping up with the rat race that comes when you’re a family trying to make it. The next thing he knows, the woman who used to wear and do little things to keep it hot and spicy isn’t interested in doing that little thing she did when the two
of them first got together. In fact, the sex has become uninspired; she’s coming in from work, where she was dressed up in her nice skirt and heels and makeup and such, and she’s breaking down before she can get to the door good. And now, after a long day at work, and even more work when she gets home, she’s coming to bed in a head scarf and a T-shirt and is this close to hiring a firing squad to take you out for even looking at her with those bedroom eyes.
In other words, what’s back at the house has become hohum-routine. And this man is missing the spark that used to be there. You’ve changed. (He knows he’s changed, too, but we’re not talking about him, we’re talking about you.) Perhaps that comes, too, with a feeling that you don’t appreciate him like you used to. The thank-yous come less frequently, there’s a lot of arguing going on-turmoil seems to get up with you in
the morning and cuddle up with the two of you at night. And your home just isn’t feeling like what he signed up for. And if he can’t get what he signed up for back at the house, he’s more likely to go out and find it somewhere else, because guess what? He knows he can always go find it somewhere else...
But you can change it - by trying to create a little bit of that magic you had when your relationship was fresh and new. You might come home from work and instead of kicking off those heels, keep them on and whisper in his ear to meet you in the bedroom for a predinner snack. Or you might smile a little more, act a little bit more happy, be a tad bit more spontaneous- appreciate your man more, and show it, too.
Steve Harvey "Act Like A Lady - Think Like A Man"
They can
Dress it up any way you want to, but men don’t view sex the way you women do, plain and simple. For a lot of you, the act of intercourse is emotional-an act of love. That’s understandable, considering the sheer physics of the act; you have to lie back and allow a foreign object to enter your body. You’ve been taught all your life that you only let that kind of deeply intimate moment happen with someone who really means something to you.
By contrast, when it comes to men and sex, neither emotions nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. It’s easy-very easy-for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water, and act like what he just did never happened. Sex can be a purely physical act for us-love has absolutely nothing to do with it.
They think they can get away with it
Of course, men will consider the risks of getting caught cheating on his lady. But mostly, men initiate affairs pretty confident that they’re going to get away with it, and most certainly with all kinds of confidence that if they get caught, their denials will see them through.
Most men don’t consider getting caught a laughing matter. A man who cheats has most certainly calculated the collateral damage that would come from getting busted-potential loss of the woman he loves, his children, his home, and his peace of mind-and he recognizes that this would be a devastating blow to all the things that matter in his life. We all are quite familiar with the saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” and men understand its meaning much better than you do; we know the hell is coming and there will be plenty of scorn if we get busted.
And basically, we think we’re slick and we go to great lengths to hide our infidelity from you, always with this in mind: if you don’t know about it, it can’t hurt you.(!)
He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be
or found who he truly wants
You may think this is a cop-out, but it is the reality. It goes back to the way men judge themselves against each other: we are defined by who we are, what we do, and how much we make. And if we haven’t gotten to where we want and need to be, then we’re not going to be ready to figure out how settling down with one woman fits into our plans for becoming a truly independent, mature, well-off man.That guy is still trying to complete himself, and while he’s working toward that, he’s not organizing his life to include a committed relationship. He tells himself he simply doesn’t have time for it-it’s simply not a priority for him. And so creep he will.
The same can be true, even, of a man who is married with children. The man who is mature and has figured out who he is and is happy with what he does and how much he makes probably has his life ordered up correctly; he’s become the man he envisioned himself being and has put his priorities in this order: God, family, education, business, and then everything else. But if family isn’t second, it’s about to be a problem; he’s going to dedicate himself to whatever his priorities are, in the order in which he’s put them.
What's happening at home isn't "happening" like it used to
That’s right, I said it: it could have something to do with you. Your man may be walking around telling himself that your relationship just doesn’t have that spark anymore, that you don’t turn him on like you used to-that you don’t come on to him like you did when the two of you first fell in love. You know how it goes: the two of you get comfortable with each other, settle in, have some babies, buy a house, and then get bogged down in the bills and raising the kids and going to work and keeping up with the rat race that comes when you’re a family trying to make it. The next thing he knows, the woman who used to wear and do little things to keep it hot and spicy isn’t interested in doing that little thing she did when the two
of them first got together. In fact, the sex has become uninspired; she’s coming in from work, where she was dressed up in her nice skirt and heels and makeup and such, and she’s breaking down before she can get to the door good. And now, after a long day at work, and even more work when she gets home, she’s coming to bed in a head scarf and a T-shirt and is this close to hiring a firing squad to take you out for even looking at her with those bedroom eyes.
In other words, what’s back at the house has become hohum-routine. And this man is missing the spark that used to be there. You’ve changed. (He knows he’s changed, too, but we’re not talking about him, we’re talking about you.) Perhaps that comes, too, with a feeling that you don’t appreciate him like you used to. The thank-yous come less frequently, there’s a lot of arguing going on-turmoil seems to get up with you in
the morning and cuddle up with the two of you at night. And your home just isn’t feeling like what he signed up for. And if he can’t get what he signed up for back at the house, he’s more likely to go out and find it somewhere else, because guess what? He knows he can always go find it somewhere else...
But you can change it - by trying to create a little bit of that magic you had when your relationship was fresh and new. You might come home from work and instead of kicking off those heels, keep them on and whisper in his ear to meet you in the bedroom for a predinner snack. Or you might smile a little more, act a little bit more happy, be a tad bit more spontaneous- appreciate your man more, and show it, too.
Steve Harvey "Act Like A Lady - Think Like A Man"