Sometimes I reach a state where I feel I've given up. It's not an ultimate act of giving up on life, but it has a smaller yet similar feeling of being trapped, with nothing to look forward to. No hope, no inspiration. So sense of worth in the past, present, or future. Just muddling through, endlessly. Why strive anymore ( Read more... )

It was around half past 5AM here when I started writing this. I felt better then than I did the other day, but now the sleep deficit is hitting me ( Read more... )

Late last week, they started me loading the trucks. It's a basic thing everyone gets to try out, but they had prioritized keeping me on the top belt, picking off packages. I figure now that things have gotten lighter, they can train me to do more stuff ( Read more... )

Challenges: irritable/upset/anxious most of the day; exhausted right after exercise; no progress on overdue paper; struggling with what paper should even be like; ate all the lumpia; small panic attacks wrt financial stuff; too tired to call up Bev or Will; woke up after sad dream

Accomplishments: sorted through paper inbox; woke up at 830; ( Read more... )

Ken Mogi posted something absolutely brilliant today:
I think there are two kinds of stupidities. In one, you try to protect yourself. By looking down on others, for example. In the other, you don’t protect yourself. You just do whatever urges you, and get hurt, ridiculed, and quite often misunderstood. It is the second type of stupidity that I ( Read more... )

雪絵さんのために：

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「MINDSHIFT」の詞 （リンク）

success,depress,ambition
progress,regress,recognition

目覚めとともに気づいた 見るもの触れるもの 感じていたこの世界 全てが幻だと

※ 外の世界、忘れ、捨てて、旅して 心の世界、感じ、求め、旅する

星空見上げれば 遥かな光瞬いて 君の愛思い出す  信じた心闇とかす

※ 何を求め、走り、続け、旅して 答え求め、入り、続け、旅する

※ 外の世界、忘れ、捨てて、旅して 心の世界、感じ、求め、旅する

全ての世界、いつか、求め、旅して 手に入る世界、きっと、見つけ、旅する

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「WORLD ORDER」の詞 （リンク）

世界のベール押し開き ( Read more... )

I've been wanting a better way to monitor mood and track things that helped or worsened anxiety/depression. There are questionaires one can fill out, but the ones I've seen talk about the goings on of the past week. There are times when my mood varies wildly, and I need to evaluate it on a daily, or even hourly basis ( Read more... )

Sweet

Your LiveJournal paid account for user "olifhar" has expired.

You can continue to use the site, but the features of your paid account
will be deactivated.
Yay! I'm actually happy about this ( Read more... )

Here is something that sometimes happens.

1. I read a blog post containing someone else's insightful observations, inspirational story, or fun-filled experience.
2. While reading, I find myself becoming very upset about my own lack of wit, or the lack of fun or impressiveness in my life. In other words, I find myself jealous and upset.
3. Either I begin self ( Read more... )

( Read more... )