(no subject)
I miss being idle. I miss tv. I miss sitting. I miss everything staying grounded and stationary. I miss more than four hours of sleep. I miss people. I miss you. I’m working hard to keep everything from spinning out of control and/or falling to pieces. It’s worth it. When I don’t have time to be sad and once in awhile I feel some sort of zen euphoria and I type and I don’t know what I’m saying. When I sleep too well and when the alarm goes off I can’t comprehend why it would. When I feel like I took too much vicodin again and I want to run and run around sobbing telling everyone how much I love them and then collapse into an endless dreamless sleep. Moving faster and staying more grounded than ever. And when the rain falls hard and lake Michigan ripples and crashes three quarters of the way around and the purple smog of the Chicago skyline is behind and everything gets blacker and darker and lighthouses and buoys start to blink in the distance and I can’t move because I don’t want to and I can’t stop smiling. Why should I? And when I say fuck everything for two hours and I eat cookies and watch cartoons. Someday this won’t make any sense.