Comments | okah123: i dont know why, i cant keep my eyes off of you...

okah123

i dont know why, i cant keep my eyes off of you...

Jun 13, 2005 21:50

zachary, dear zachary. the way i feel when im in your arms is something i cant describe. its a beauitiful feeling, you make me feel so comfortable with myself. though i cant help but feel like im making you nervous afterwards. when you stopped today, and said you couldnt do it...i thought i saw you then, the real you, what you wanted and didnt want ( Read more... )

Comments 15

doinitwitrythem June 14 2005, 05:51:01 UTC

I'm just so glad that I can make you feel that way because it's not like I have to go out of my way or that I don't get any enjoyment either, you know? I mean your smile is priceless, that smile is always in hiding, you once were tarnished but now your blosseming.Avery, you are like an angel that was being lowered down and your line broke,there for leaving you fallen and earth bound.You hold such grace though. I know you don't expect anything of me and I guess...I guess it feels nice.But I can't let everything out because I don't think anyone would be as accepting, I'm just...im not nearly as kept together as everyone seems to think I am, I even sometimes 2nd guess myself. =0(. It's like a beautiful mind.You could never be a waste of time Avery,time is a pleasure to have you, please...please don't ever deem yourself unworthy especially when it is with me being in comparision.*chuckles and turns beat red*, well I love you too ( ... )

okah123 June 14 2005, 21:17:10 UTC

awww well thanks zac. my smile? eh, it comes out rarely, but moreso when im around you. actually ive come to find i smile the most around you, like i used to do with taylor when he still loved me...*sigh*, but those days are gone now. dont ever second guess urself zac, your first instinct is awlays right, go with it.

yeah ive been waiting for her. hopefully she'll be okay. i wish it was ikes more than i wish it was taylors...i dont know what to do. something needs to be done about him. hes not been acting right. has anybody checked his meds recently? i think imma do that. i know i said id get over him and i am over him, i just...its gonna be hard, ya know? thanks for being there buddy. love you. *punches ur arm playfully like the baby sister she is and pulls u into a passionate kiss*

doinitwitrythem June 25 2005, 04:44:26 UTC

No need to thank me baby girl lol. Well I swear you shouldn't hide that smile as you have got nothing to hide, the angels sing when you smile, I can almost hear it now. It is a pleasure to know how much I can make you smile and in the way that I do because its important to me Ave's it really is.

I'm sure that she will be okay, she'll be strong, a stubborn fighter just like her mother...but just as beautiful as stern. I know Avery, I do, but for once in my life I am actually running out of idea's. =0(. This is just really hard. Nope, he won't let any of us near his meds, he says that we are fucking crazy and paranoid when we try to check. So please my dear be very careful as you are fragile and his touch is a bit rough lately. Love you too, owww *rubs his arm like it hurts* come here you little nuckle head *pulls you into a hug and gives you a big kiss*

tj_h June 14 2005, 06:01:44 UTC

Hang on hang on, HOW can it be mine? I wasn't sleepign with u around the time ike was.....ok now i'm confused

doinitwitrythem June 14 2005, 06:16:47 UTC

Jesus Taylor this is just sick, damn it dude please you got to put an end to all of this charade's. There's 3 children in question of being yours, 2 of which are for a fact and one being proccessed right now and your not doing anything,you either dont do a damn thing about it and just laugh while everyone else sweats it or you actually this time suprised me by going through the trouble of denying it. Geez Tay, listen to yourself, now you can't even remember? Taylor this has gotten too bad and is too out of hand do you want to live your life not knowing which memorys are the real ones or the one's you replaced with the one's you hallucinated up? I hate to see you go like this man...but Avery is so young, she don't need your denial, there's no telling how much damage you've done to her heart. Blood tests dont lie.

tj_h June 14 2005, 07:38:01 UTC

DENY IT?!?!?! I DON'T FUCKIGN REMEMBER IT AT ALL!!!!

okah123 June 14 2005, 21:07:33 UTC

you're fuckin dumb. you were sleeping with me right before ike was. the doctor says ive been pregnant for longer than i thought, and that i just wasnt showing.

_xonikkiox_ June 14 2005, 06:19:25 UTC

hmmm..thats is quite surprising. this is going to crush ike i think. he was so excited for this baby and everything. *sigh* but thats okay.. i guess i kind of feel bad for him.. because he thought he was going to have a baby and now hes not.. .damn i know if anything happened to my baby i'd be crushed but yeah... still good luck on devilary. <3 love you
<3
Jess

doinitwitrythem June 14 2005, 07:03:48 UTC

If anything I am sure that this is a blessing in disguse for you and Ike and is yet another present from god to help you guys to focus on whats most important and that is each other and this baby.It's better finding out now rather then after fathering her for so long, you know?

_xonikkiox_ June 14 2005, 07:23:23 UTC

yea.. i guess. but its still going to kill him. he was so looking forward to this. yeah but he stil hasnt came to terms with my pregnancy... and i think that baby was sort of an escape for him. but yeah. i guess your right. its better he finds out now than later.

okah123 June 15 2005, 00:36:06 UTC

*sigh* i know, its not what i wanted. i didnt wanna be pregnant at all, but at least when i thought it was ikes i had some assurance that id be taken care of and loved throughout this thing. taylor's a fuckin maniac, its so sad...he used to be my favorite brother ya know. now he's...he's not my brother at all.

ike__hanson June 14 2005, 08:12:19 UTC

Guess I should have expected that about Zac. I just.. it's weird seeing how close you've now got with him. I thought he'd be the one to never do that. Actually, I thought I never would have. Oh well. I guess thats what happens when you're in a fucked up family. Um. you guys both seem happy so.. congrats or something. I dunno. I have no clue what to say. I miss you Ave. Just to talk to and stuff. I know that you like Zac better and all, even Tay probably but it would be nice to see you still. If you want.. It's up to you ( ... )

okah123 June 15 2005, 00:41:21 UTC

no need to congratulate me ike. i know whats going on is wrong by what we've been taught, but you know, sometimes true happiness comes from bending the rules, and even breaking them. i dont like anyone better ike, i love you all and id love to see you.

*bites her lip and looks down* im sorry isaac...i wish i could do something to change it. not so that i had never gotten pregnant in the first place, but so that it was yours. of course i wouldnt despise having a baby by you. you're wonderful isaac, yes you're a little tempermental sometimes, but you've been better. i love you man, and i never meant to hurt you so much. i caused all this damage ike. YOU gave into ME, it wasnt the other way around. i manipulated you, and you know it. at least around you i feel SAFE, unlike i do around tay...jesus i just dont know what to say about him anymore. he used to be so beautiful, and innocent, and then he walked in on me and dad...and it all went to shit. its not his fault. i cant talk about this anymore, i love you ike. remember that. take care

ike__hanson June 16 2005, 19:33:48 UTC

I know Avie. And I know that you're aware of what's happening. I'd just die if you ended up hurt from this hun. I completely understand that sometimes you need to bend and break the rules and just make your own. Just look out for yourself, you deserve that Ave. You dont need to say that you like us all the same, it's okay I know that I've been on the lower end as far as who you like. But I love you too hun, it would be amazing to see you. You can come over anytime. You're always welcome ( ... )

doinitwitrythem June 25 2005, 04:52:19 UTC

It's not like that...it's just..it's not. It's different Ike, everything about me and Avery is different. Not that you and Tay didn't mean anything to her, but the kind of relationship we have achieved is one of the most unique, and most healthy, etc. I don't mean to replace anybody Ike and that was never my intent. I don't want to fight anymore over who's in first and who comes in a close 2nd, etc. It's just not the man that I am. It seems to get the best of us and we dont appreciate what we have right in front of us ( ... )