i dont know why, i cant keep my eyes off of you...

[okah123]

zachary, dear zachary. the way i feel when im in your arms is something i cant describe. its a beauitiful feeling, you make me feel so comfortable with myself. though i cant help but feel like im making you nervous afterwards. when you stopped today, and said you couldnt do it...i thought i saw you then, the real you, what you wanted and didnt want

Comments

[ike__hanson]

Guess I should have expected that about Zac. I just.. it's weird seeing how close you've now got with him. I thought he'd be the one to never do that. Actually, I thought I never would have. Oh well. I guess thats what happens when you're in a fucked up family. Um. you guys both seem happy so.. congrats or something. I dunno. I have no clue what to say. I miss you Ave. Just to talk to and stuff. I know that you like Zac better and all, even Tay probably but it would be nice to see you still. If you want.. It's up to you.

*hangs his head wiping tears from his eyes* Tay's baby? Another one.. Another baby that I've wished was mine and it's his. Now you and Nikki are both having his child. God.. I never thought it would hurt like this. It's almost like it was the last chance to have something special.. Now he's taken it. What I thought was my baby was his, and his baby with Nikki is taking away any chance I could have had for her and I to have our first baby together. Fucking hell. I can't take him anymore. He's just fucking killing me. Ave, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry we didnt know sooner, then you wouldnt have had to deal with me all this time. I know I've just annoyed you more than I've helped you. Or at least thats how it seemed. Just felt like anytime I reached out I was doing the wrong thing for you. So I'm sorry. I fucked up. I shouldnt have gone that far with you, I shouldnt have tried keeping you in my house. I just wanted to treat you right but it upset you more. I havent done anything right by you so maybe this is better. I wish so badly that it was mine.. but it might be better for you. I'm sure you would despise having a child from me. Congrats Ave. You deserve to have better than me. And so I guess having Zac and Tay in your life is just that. Sorry I butted into it. I um.. I thought I could help, but only Tay and Zac seem to make you happy. I guess I'll see ya. Good luck with everything.

[okah123]

no need to congratulate me ike. i know whats going on is wrong by what we've been taught, but you know, sometimes true happiness comes from bending the rules, and even breaking them. i dont like anyone better ike, i love you all and id love to see you.

*bites her lip and looks down* im sorry isaac...i wish i could do something to change it. not so that i had never gotten pregnant in the first place, but so that it was yours. of course i wouldnt despise having a baby by you. you're wonderful isaac, yes you're a little tempermental sometimes, but you've been better. i love you man, and i never meant to hurt you so much. i caused all this damage ike. YOU gave into ME, it wasnt the other way around. i manipulated you, and you know it. at least around you i feel SAFE, unlike i do around tay...jesus i just dont know what to say about him anymore. he used to be so beautiful, and innocent, and then he walked in on me and dad...and it all went to shit. its not his fault. i cant talk about this anymore, i love you ike. remember that. take care.

[ike__hanson]

I know Avie. And I know that you're aware of what's happening. I'd just die if you ended up hurt from this hun. I completely understand that sometimes you need to bend and break the rules and just make your own. Just look out for yourself, you deserve that Ave. You dont need to say that you like us all the same, it's okay I know that I've been on the lower end as far as who you like. But I love you too hun, it would be amazing to see you. You can come over anytime. You're always welcome.

Ave there's no need for you to apologize. It wasn't your fault. I wish this baby was mine too hun. I just. I was getting so excited to see my little girl come into this world and take care of her with you.. then suddenly in an instant it was all gone finding out it was Tay's. But babe, never think that it's your fault. There's nothing that can be done. It's okay. Sorry about the temper thing, I dont do it on purpose it just comes out, and it's only because I love you. Ave please, you didn't hurt or damage me or anything. Really. I wouldnt say that I gave into you Ave. You didnt manipulate me. It felt great being with you and holding you. And it was wrong to feel that I know, but it wasnt your fault anymore than my own. I could have stopped if I wanted Ave. There was just something about you that I didnt want to stop. I am so ecstatic to hear you say that you feel safe with me. Really, I'm glad that I can make you feel that hun. Ave dont worry too much about Tay, there's time for him to turn around. He can get better Avie. I love you so much hun. You take care too, come see me sometime. I miss you.

[doinitwitrythem]

It's not like that...it's just..it's not. It's different Ike, everything about me and Avery is different. Not that you and Tay didn't mean anything to her, but the kind of relationship we have achieved is one of the most unique, and most healthy, etc. I don't mean to replace anybody Ike and that was never my intent. I don't want to fight anymore over who's in first and who comes in a close 2nd, etc. It's just not the man that I am. It seems to get the best of us and we dont appreciate what we have right in front of us.

I really am sorry about the baby not being yours Isaac, I could only imagine the dissapointment and especially seeings you have been there through out most this pregnancy but you know what? That's why this baby is more yours then his, you were there throughout the pregnancy, you bonded with the baby while in the womb, you appreciated it's existance while Tay had no idea it even existed and paid no mind to it and still pays no mind. Ike, you still have Nikki and this baby she is carrying and I could see you as a wonderful father, once again..you'll sadly be more of a father then Tay was/is. Ike please don't be so hard on urself buddy, give yourself a little more credit. I know that it's always been a compition between you and Taylor and I don't understand what kind of satisfaction he gets from it, in some ways he can be vindictive, but all in all he IS our brother. I love ya man.