(no subject)
I randomly got an email from my livejournal account the other day, and I definitely need to be posting on here again.
It has been so long, but I am back to my old ways.
I recently had a baby, and she is my world. I wouldn't trade her for anything!!
My body is bigger than it's ever been. I have been starving myself trying to get it back, and it's taking forever.
It is starting to take over my life again, and I fear that it is getting in the way of me being the best Mother I can be.
I step on the scale about 10 times a day or more, even losing an ounce means everything to me. I have lost quite a bit of the weight, but sadly, I still have a long way to go.
I can't look at myself in the mirror without crying.
I refuse to leave the house because I am enormous.
I am not sleeping well, because I am starving.
Today my head is foggy. I am trying to fix it with glasses of diet pepsi, but so far, it hasn't helped at all.
My body just needs to get used to this again.
It all started with me counting calories, 800 a day, down to 500 a day, then 300 a day...
Eventually the thought of eating at all disgusted me.
My body is huge, and I don't need to be putting any food into it.
I'm terrified to.
I am so ashamed, that I don't even want to post my current weight.
However, like I said, I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything. I don't care if I weighed 50 pounds more than I do now from being pregnant with her... she was worth every pound.
But now there is no excuse for this excess fat hanging off of me.
In fact it's fucking disgusting.
So here comes the hard part... listing my current stats.
ch: 5'8
cw: 161
gw1: 150 by the 30th
gw2: 145 by the 7th
gw3: 140 by the 14th
gw4: 135 by the 21st
and my ultimate goal weight is 120... for now.
It has been so long, but I am back to my old ways.
I recently had a baby, and she is my world. I wouldn't trade her for anything!!
My body is bigger than it's ever been. I have been starving myself trying to get it back, and it's taking forever.
It is starting to take over my life again, and I fear that it is getting in the way of me being the best Mother I can be.
I step on the scale about 10 times a day or more, even losing an ounce means everything to me. I have lost quite a bit of the weight, but sadly, I still have a long way to go.
I can't look at myself in the mirror without crying.
I refuse to leave the house because I am enormous.
I am not sleeping well, because I am starving.
Today my head is foggy. I am trying to fix it with glasses of diet pepsi, but so far, it hasn't helped at all.
My body just needs to get used to this again.
It all started with me counting calories, 800 a day, down to 500 a day, then 300 a day...
Eventually the thought of eating at all disgusted me.
My body is huge, and I don't need to be putting any food into it.
I'm terrified to.
I am so ashamed, that I don't even want to post my current weight.
However, like I said, I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything. I don't care if I weighed 50 pounds more than I do now from being pregnant with her... she was worth every pound.
But now there is no excuse for this excess fat hanging off of me.
In fact it's fucking disgusting.
So here comes the hard part... listing my current stats.
ch: 5'8
cw: 161
gw1: 150 by the 30th
gw2: 145 by the 7th
gw3: 140 by the 14th
gw4: 135 by the 21st
and my ultimate goal weight is 120... for now.