ONTD April Reading Challenge: Eli Roth Has Cybersex With Blueberries
Happy April 1st! This is not a joke, though -- for the April reading challenge, we are continuing 2022's theme of books based on legendary ONTD posts by reading books based on the legendary Eli Roth post where he discovered ONTD and had virtual sex with it. I actually can't find the original post, but this link keeps coming up.
Blueberry Girl
Neil Gaiman
Neil Gaiman's children's book, which was inspired by his friend Tori Amos's daughter, got pretty mediocre reviews. So, in two ways, it is perfect for Eli: mediocre and very devoted to blueberry girls.
Mein Trump
By Harry Bearjew
I can think of no better book for this month's challenge than the erotic political time-travel romance Mein Trump. In it, Donald Trump travels backward in time and falls in love with one Adolf Hitler. Eli Roth played "Bear Jew" in the World War II movie Inglourious Basterds, so there you go.
The House With A Clock In Its Walls
By John Bellairs
A classic mystery featuring illustrations by the legendary Edward Gorey, it is about a boy who learns his uncle's mysterious home is inhabited by an evil warlock. Eli Roth directed the film adaptation, which got pretty shitty reviews, but the book is 🔥 .
Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror
By Steve Alten
Did you perhaps not watch Eli's now-classic 2018 cinema masterpiece The Meg? Why not read its inspiration, which is also about a megalodon that miraculously managed to survive global warming, human hunting, and all other odds to exist in the Mariana Trench?
Grimm's Fairy Tales
By The Brothers Grimm
Eli starred as a character named Grimm in the movie Cabin Fever. Honor his cinematic shape-shifting by reading this set of classic fairy tales that are every bit as dark and disturbing as Eli's sex life.
David Hockney: A Life
By Catherine Cusset
The artist David Hockney is best known for his paintings of swimming pools. Eli Roth is best known for posing in a swimming pool. Honor this union of rich white men and pools by reading up on some of Hockney's art.
Any Phillip Roth Novel
By Phillip Roth
Just as Eli Roth was once a pretty big deal as a director, so too was Phillip Roth a big deal as a novelist. Time, however, has eroded his reputation due to his long history of sexism. Howver, OP finds that many of his novels are still excellent -- just like how one can still find some enjoyment in the existence of Eli Roth, no matter how outdated a relic he may seem.
January: ONTD University Is Back In Sesh
February: Armie Hammer's Sex Kitten Texts
March: Heidi Montag Crying On A Chair
Source: my disturbed brain.