i know you're gunna read this
getting over you is hard. every fucking song that was ours makes me weak. the scent of you is still on the hat you gave me. yet i can't part with it. I still have all the letters you have written me. I'm sick with the loss of you it seems. I do want to move on though. and realise we weren't meant to be forever. I'm always tempted to reread your letters and look at our pictures.
being with nick now i'm taking things slow. I'm very uncomfortable around him and aweward. I'm not sure if i could LOVE. Or if me and you were ever in love.
I can't move so fast at all with another person. It's gunna take quite a while i feel. I'm not so into change. but i guess a change for the better?
i jsut wanna be trusted and be able to do what i want and hang out with whome i want.
on another note. the medication I am on seems to suppress my appetite a lot. which is great! but not at the same time. I told my doctor and he said it does sort of act as an anorectic to some patients....not as though i need to lose more weight. i'm 91 pounds right now. and still not happy with myself. I do get full quicker. seems anorexia has taken over a lot. the last tiem i purged was about a week ago and only on 1 cup of cereal. The last time i actually binged on a ton of food was like a year ago,
fuck me
I need to get to 75.
till I D I S A P P E A R
I'm also on ativan too now which is great. I have been having major panic attacks lately and i need them to carry with me everywhere in case that attack creeps up on me.
so now im chillin out on this beautfiul day i may take a walk later with mac (my dog) and im drinking a ton of coffee. iced n fact.
well gotsta go bleach my hair now.
toodles.
being with nick now i'm taking things slow. I'm very uncomfortable around him and aweward. I'm not sure if i could LOVE. Or if me and you were ever in love.
I can't move so fast at all with another person. It's gunna take quite a while i feel. I'm not so into change. but i guess a change for the better?
i jsut wanna be trusted and be able to do what i want and hang out with whome i want.
on another note. the medication I am on seems to suppress my appetite a lot. which is great! but not at the same time. I told my doctor and he said it does sort of act as an anorectic to some patients....not as though i need to lose more weight. i'm 91 pounds right now. and still not happy with myself. I do get full quicker. seems anorexia has taken over a lot. the last tiem i purged was about a week ago and only on 1 cup of cereal. The last time i actually binged on a ton of food was like a year ago,
fuck me
I need to get to 75.
till I D I S A P P E A R
I'm also on ativan too now which is great. I have been having major panic attacks lately and i need them to carry with me everywhere in case that attack creeps up on me.
so now im chillin out on this beautfiul day i may take a walk later with mac (my dog) and im drinking a ton of coffee. iced n fact.
well gotsta go bleach my hair now.
toodles.