why the long face, mr. horse?
I stepped on the scale yesterday with clothes on and after i have eaten and i was 88 pounds...... my scale is off I'm sure of that but still
I didn't know wether to feel scared, sorry for myself, or accomplished. I do know that i refused to step on this scale this morning jsut in case i fluctuated. Food doesn't appeal to me anymore. I don't know if it's my meds. Maybe the fact that I spend a ton of time out of the house now. I just get nauseoius when i eat. and full quick. but I still have yet to be happy with my image. I guess a few pounds lost on me shows. cause i got a few comments at work. which is freaking embarrassing. and my mom of course says stuff. saying how frail I'm looking. And I refuse to go into the pizza place next to my work ever again because the rude lady that works there said yet another one of her snide food remarks.
Me: Yes, can i please have the cold veggie pocket please? no dressing, wheat and this fresca.
Her: oh your finally getting something diffferent?
Me: (lieing through my teeth) i always get the salad to go along with my dinner back at work"
her: ohhh...
then i take a seat while its being made and i here her talking to the nice boy that works there " if she keeps it up shes gunna dissapear..." doesnt she get bored of this stuff?" then he says "oh leave her alone shes a vegetarian" which was nice of him but still fucking lady. i hope she fucks her self in the head with a meatball sub. I'm serious!
me and nick had a little tiff this morning. that freaked me out too. made me think about how much of a fuck up i really am. I can never have a relationship ever again. and made me hate guys period and become a lesbian and move to san fransisco. and want to die all in about 10 minutes. while waiting for the cab. then the jerk that i was yelling back at him starts crying. I'm a hypocrit. trying to act all tough just to cave in. I sometiems hate giving in to crying cause i feel as though the other person won or soemthing. but he ran downstairs and took the cab to my house with me and we talked some of it out.
I'm am still not healed from mat. and he's not healed from his ex.
So im confused as to is this going to even work out? should we step back?all this bullshit running through my head.
well im gunna go ahead and lay on the bed with mac and rain.
I didn't know wether to feel scared, sorry for myself, or accomplished. I do know that i refused to step on this scale this morning jsut in case i fluctuated. Food doesn't appeal to me anymore. I don't know if it's my meds. Maybe the fact that I spend a ton of time out of the house now. I just get nauseoius when i eat. and full quick. but I still have yet to be happy with my image. I guess a few pounds lost on me shows. cause i got a few comments at work. which is freaking embarrassing. and my mom of course says stuff. saying how frail I'm looking. And I refuse to go into the pizza place next to my work ever again because the rude lady that works there said yet another one of her snide food remarks.
Me: Yes, can i please have the cold veggie pocket please? no dressing, wheat and this fresca.
Her: oh your finally getting something diffferent?
Me: (lieing through my teeth) i always get the salad to go along with my dinner back at work"
her: ohhh...
then i take a seat while its being made and i here her talking to the nice boy that works there " if she keeps it up shes gunna dissapear..." doesnt she get bored of this stuff?" then he says "oh leave her alone shes a vegetarian" which was nice of him but still fucking lady. i hope she fucks her self in the head with a meatball sub. I'm serious!
me and nick had a little tiff this morning. that freaked me out too. made me think about how much of a fuck up i really am. I can never have a relationship ever again. and made me hate guys period and become a lesbian and move to san fransisco. and want to die all in about 10 minutes. while waiting for the cab. then the jerk that i was yelling back at him starts crying. I'm a hypocrit. trying to act all tough just to cave in. I sometiems hate giving in to crying cause i feel as though the other person won or soemthing. but he ran downstairs and took the cab to my house with me and we talked some of it out.
I'm am still not healed from mat. and he's not healed from his ex.
So im confused as to is this going to even work out? should we step back?all this bullshit running through my head.
well im gunna go ahead and lay on the bed with mac and rain.