The Kim Heechul China Travelogue
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior.
Pairings: Hanchul with minor kangteuk, kyumin, Yewook
Summary: Kim Heechul’s epic undercover mission to China. In which Kim Heechul flies coach, gets lost in translation, wins a beauty pageant, and stumbles unceremoniously into the love of his life with no less than a hundred costume changes.
Rating: PG-13
Status: 3.5
Will be in Our Maj, Heechul’s, point of view. For the most part.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 2.5 Part 3
Part 3.5
Back in Korea
SME Practice Room
While everyone was figuring out a way to execute the choreography for their comeback without falling all over the place, Siwon snuck out to make a call.
“Zhou Mi here, wassup?”
“Mi, I really hope you’re with Heechul right now.” Siwon said.
“Why would I be with Heechul when I’m having my hair colored, dummy? It’s this new shade of-“
“What?” Siwon demanded, his eyebrows hitting the ceiling. “The plan, Zhou Mi, the plan!”
Silence.
“You were supposed to pick Heechul up at the airport an hour ago!” Siwon added.
“Well I’ll be damned, that was today?” Zhou Mi asked. “Oh shit that means I was supposed to color my hair tomorrow. Ah fuc--”
“Zhou Mi!” Siwon yelled, feeling hysterical.
“Don’t worry, my friend. After Ms. Cheng here finishes up, I’ll-“
“Zhou Mi!”
“What? You can’t mean now? My hai-“
“ZHOU MI!” Siwon yelled.
“All right already!”
Beep.
Sungmin and Kyuhyun arrived just in time to find Siwon staring at his phone.
“Hey, what’s up with you?” Sungmin asked.
“You know how Zhou Mi was supposed to pick Heechul up at the airport?” Siwon asked his face pale.
“Yeah, it was really nice of him,” Kyuhyun replied instantly. “Right, Sungmin? I told you he’s pretty awesome, didn’t I?”
In response, Sungmin pretended to be interested in the wallpaper.
“Well, he kind of forgot.” Siwon added.
“WHAT?” Sungmin demanded forgetting all about the stupid wallpaper.
“I’m sure there’s a pretty good explanation for this.” Kyuhyun said calmly.
“He was coloring his hair.” Siwon gritted out.
Sungmin turned to Kyuhyun. “And you were saying?”
Kyuhyun cleared his throat. “That’s not important. The question here really is how we’re going to explain this to Kangin and Leeteuk.” Siwon and Sungmin stared at him in horror. Tell Kangin and Leeteuk that Heechul was lost somewhere in China? Was he suicidal?
“Do you value your life, boy?” Siwon asked advancing on Kyuhyun.
“I’ll have you know that I’m quite fond of your life, Cho Kyuhyun.” Sungmin announced also advancing on Kyuhyun, effectively trapping the boy into a corner.
“All right, all right,” Kyuhyun surrendered waving his arms wildly. His sweet Sungmin had that crazed look about him again. “What do we do then?”
---
SME Practice Room
Two hours and five injured members later (They really had to figure out a way to do the jumping part without anyone getting maimed and so forth), Sungmin, Kyuhyun, and Siwon convened in a corner while the others were busy trying to revive Yesung who was rather violently socked in the face after some over excited jumping on Shindong’s part.
Once all three boys got settled in their corner, there was silence.
Then the proverbial dam burst.
“-OHMYGODOHMYGOD. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMO--”
“-FREAKING SWEAR LEETEUK KNOWS-“
“-UCK’S SAKE, KEEP IT TOGETHE-“
“--CAN’T TELL THE-“
“-SHIT I HAVE TO TELL THEM. I’M GOING TO EXPLO-“
“-WORRIED ABOUT TEUK? HEENIM’S FREAKING LOST IN FREAKING CHINA-“
“-SHITSHITSHITSHIIII-“
“WHAT??” This came from Eunhyuk and Donghae who had been listening in on their rant fest. They were now gaping at the deranged and gasping trio of Sungmin, Kyuhyun, and Siwon.
A few seconds passed before Sungmin recovered and yelled, “GET THEM!” whereby Kyuhyun and Siwon proceeded to tackle their two helpless members.
---
SME Supply Closet
If anyone was wondering what a crazed looking Kyuhyun and Siwon were up to dragging a kicking and screaming Eunhyuk and Donghae inside a cramped supply closet followed by a shifty-eyed Sungmin, they didn’t bother with asking, chalking it up to the usual Super Junior antics.
“Oh my gosh, Hyuk. I told you they’ve been brainwashed by aliens.” Donghae whispered furiously to Eunhyuk as they were dumped inside.
“Now is not the time, Hae.” Eunhyuk whispered back.
“Stop whispering!” Sungmin yelled from his dubious position on Kyuhyun’s lap.
“Stop yelling at us or we’ll tell Kangin and Leeteuk that you lost Heechul hyung!” Eunhyuk yelled back.
“Tell Kangin and Leeteuk and both your parents will receive a very interesting set of pictures taken in that hotel in Malaysia!” Kyuhyun shot back.
Donghae gasped and Eunhyuk immediately clammed up.
“Oh and by the way, Zhou Mi was the one who forgot to pick Heechul up and consequently lost him.” Siwon added. “And the reason why we haven’t told Kangin and Leeteuk this is because Kangin would likely have our heads if he can’t have Zhou Mi’s and Leeteuk would have an aneurysm.”
“Which would still end up with Kangin having our heads,” Kyuhyun finished.
Eunhyuk and Donghae stared at them. They did have a point there. “So what do we do now?”
---
Super Junior Dorm
Earlier that day, all of the members were kidnapped one by one and brought to the supply closet turned Super Junior Crisis Center for briefing of the HEECHUL IS MISSING DAMMIT situation except for Leeteuk and Kangin who were instead fooled into thinking they’d won a free massage at the spa so that they’d be out of everyone’s hair. Currently, everyone was gathered in Sungmin’s room supposedly to plan their next course of action.
But mostly it was to stare intently at Siwon’s phone and wait for it to ring.
“Any moment now…” Shindong muttered.
“Dammit Shindong, did you just fart?” Yesung cried out.
“Clearly staring at this thing isn’t working.” Ryeowook said.
“Maybe I should pray over it again.” Siwon suggested.
“For the last time, Siwon, it’s a phone not a dying person.” Sungmin said dryly.
“It could be an alien device.” Donghae chimed in.
“Are we doing this again?” Eunhyuk asked him tiredly.
“Kibum says he believes me.” Donghae pouted.
“That’s what makes him a good actor.” Eunhyuk muttered and Donghae whacked him with a pillow. Eunhyuk threw a pillow back at him but it ended up on Kyuhyun’s face instigating some kind of pillow war and amid all the cottony violence, the phone started ringing.
There was a pause before someone screamed “HOLY CRAP WHERE’S THE PHONE?” and then there was panicked chaos.
“I got it! I got it!” Donghae yelled victoriously before answering it. “Zhou Mi, its Donghae! Did you find Heenim?”
There was a long, long pause. “We-ell…good news is I found his luggage.” Zhou Mi replied.
“And?” Donghae urged not liking where this was going.
“Well, he wasn’t with his luggage. His luggage was abandoned somewhere in the airport.” Zhou Mi continued reluctantly.
“WHAT?” Donghae demanded.
“You guys have got to stop with the screaming already, yeah? Just breathe. Thanks to my botched hair job, no one recognizes me anymore so I’ve been roaming the streets freely. I’ll find him, I swear, but if I don’t, you’re free to kill me,” Pause. “Well, not really. Toodles!”
Beep.
Donghae hesitantly turned to see six scary faces looming above him. He gulped before stammering his way to an explanation of the situation. After making Donghae cry with their interrogation, everyone had only one question on their minds.
“WHERE IN GOD’S NAME IS HEECHUL?” cried Shindong.
“Language,” Siwon warned.
“We’re fucked. We can’t keep this from Leeteuk and Kangin any longer.” Sungmin said.
“Are you volunteering?” Ryeowook asked.
“I volunteer Siwon. He can run the fastest.” Yesung suggested. At this, Siwon’s started gesturing violently.
“Wait, I’ve got an idea.” Kyuhyun piped up, his eyes gleaming.
---
Later that night, Leeteuk and Kangin would arrive in an eerily quiet dormitory. They searched the rooms, the bathroom, and the living room but everyone was suspiciously missing. When they came to the kitchen, they found a huge pink letter on the countertop. What the hell were his members up to now, Leeteuk had to wonder.
Our non-violent and understanding beloved Kangin and Leeteuk,
We regret to inform you that we have changed residences temporarily for reasons that will soon become glaringly obvious.
1. Zhou Mi, our supposed accomplice in China, failed to pick up Heechul at the airport.
2. He was coloring his hair if you’re interested.
3. If Leeteuk hasn’t fainted yet, then we’re pleased to inform you that his luggage was found.
4. If Leeteuk hasn’t fainted yet, he will. HE WASN’T WITH HIS LUGGAGE.
5. Kangin, Ryeowook requests that you spare his china in the event that you indulge in a fit (which you will, who are you kidding?).
Are you thinking of wringing our necks? Has Leeteuk started hyperventilating? THAT is why we’ve taken to hiding out like a bunch of criminals. We’ll be back to discuss Heenim’s situation when the both of you have sufficiently calmed down and have lost all traces of homicidal thought so let’s say, a week?
Who knows, maybe Heechul will surprise us all and turn up with a weary and disturbed Geng on his arm.
Love always,
Siwon, Sungmin, Shindong, Donghae, Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk, Yesung, Ryeowook
PS: Really, this is all Zhou Mi’s fault.
PPS: If you’re thinking of maiming anyone, MAIM HIM.
---
Yay super sized Korea chapter! *CONFETTI AND PARTY POPPERS*
Sorry for not being a good updater. :) I started this other fic and before I knew it, a 200-item Pharma exam sprung out of nowhere and the rest was history. Please don't brick me.
This is different from usual, yeah? Lemme know what you think, bbs! ^^
NEXT UP: WHERE IN THE WORLD IS KIM HEECHUL?
Pairings: Hanchul with minor kangteuk, kyumin, Yewook
Summary: Kim Heechul’s epic undercover mission to China. In which Kim Heechul flies coach, gets lost in translation, wins a beauty pageant, and stumbles unceremoniously into the love of his life with no less than a hundred costume changes.
Rating: PG-13
Status: 3.5
Will be in Our Maj, Heechul’s, point of view. For the most part.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 2.5 Part 3
Part 3.5
Back in Korea
SME Practice Room
While everyone was figuring out a way to execute the choreography for their comeback without falling all over the place, Siwon snuck out to make a call.
“Zhou Mi here, wassup?”
“Mi, I really hope you’re with Heechul right now.” Siwon said.
“Why would I be with Heechul when I’m having my hair colored, dummy? It’s this new shade of-“
“What?” Siwon demanded, his eyebrows hitting the ceiling. “The plan, Zhou Mi, the plan!”
Silence.
“You were supposed to pick Heechul up at the airport an hour ago!” Siwon added.
“Well I’ll be damned, that was today?” Zhou Mi asked. “Oh shit that means I was supposed to color my hair tomorrow. Ah fuc--”
“Zhou Mi!” Siwon yelled, feeling hysterical.
“Don’t worry, my friend. After Ms. Cheng here finishes up, I’ll-“
“Zhou Mi!”
“What? You can’t mean now? My hai-“
“ZHOU MI!” Siwon yelled.
“All right already!”
Beep.
Sungmin and Kyuhyun arrived just in time to find Siwon staring at his phone.
“Hey, what’s up with you?” Sungmin asked.
“You know how Zhou Mi was supposed to pick Heechul up at the airport?” Siwon asked his face pale.
“Yeah, it was really nice of him,” Kyuhyun replied instantly. “Right, Sungmin? I told you he’s pretty awesome, didn’t I?”
In response, Sungmin pretended to be interested in the wallpaper.
“Well, he kind of forgot.” Siwon added.
“WHAT?” Sungmin demanded forgetting all about the stupid wallpaper.
“I’m sure there’s a pretty good explanation for this.” Kyuhyun said calmly.
“He was coloring his hair.” Siwon gritted out.
Sungmin turned to Kyuhyun. “And you were saying?”
Kyuhyun cleared his throat. “That’s not important. The question here really is how we’re going to explain this to Kangin and Leeteuk.” Siwon and Sungmin stared at him in horror. Tell Kangin and Leeteuk that Heechul was lost somewhere in China? Was he suicidal?
“Do you value your life, boy?” Siwon asked advancing on Kyuhyun.
“I’ll have you know that I’m quite fond of your life, Cho Kyuhyun.” Sungmin announced also advancing on Kyuhyun, effectively trapping the boy into a corner.
“All right, all right,” Kyuhyun surrendered waving his arms wildly. His sweet Sungmin had that crazed look about him again. “What do we do then?”
---
SME Practice Room
Two hours and five injured members later (They really had to figure out a way to do the jumping part without anyone getting maimed and so forth), Sungmin, Kyuhyun, and Siwon convened in a corner while the others were busy trying to revive Yesung who was rather violently socked in the face after some over excited jumping on Shindong’s part.
Once all three boys got settled in their corner, there was silence.
Then the proverbial dam burst.
“-OHMYGODOHMYGOD. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMO--”
“-FREAKING SWEAR LEETEUK KNOWS-“
“-UCK’S SAKE, KEEP IT TOGETHE-“
“--CAN’T TELL THE-“
“-SHIT I HAVE TO TELL THEM. I’M GOING TO EXPLO-“
“-WORRIED ABOUT TEUK? HEENIM’S FREAKING LOST IN FREAKING CHINA-“
“-SHITSHITSHITSHIIII-“
“WHAT??” This came from Eunhyuk and Donghae who had been listening in on their rant fest. They were now gaping at the deranged and gasping trio of Sungmin, Kyuhyun, and Siwon.
A few seconds passed before Sungmin recovered and yelled, “GET THEM!” whereby Kyuhyun and Siwon proceeded to tackle their two helpless members.
---
SME Supply Closet
If anyone was wondering what a crazed looking Kyuhyun and Siwon were up to dragging a kicking and screaming Eunhyuk and Donghae inside a cramped supply closet followed by a shifty-eyed Sungmin, they didn’t bother with asking, chalking it up to the usual Super Junior antics.
“Oh my gosh, Hyuk. I told you they’ve been brainwashed by aliens.” Donghae whispered furiously to Eunhyuk as they were dumped inside.
“Now is not the time, Hae.” Eunhyuk whispered back.
“Stop whispering!” Sungmin yelled from his dubious position on Kyuhyun’s lap.
“Stop yelling at us or we’ll tell Kangin and Leeteuk that you lost Heechul hyung!” Eunhyuk yelled back.
“Tell Kangin and Leeteuk and both your parents will receive a very interesting set of pictures taken in that hotel in Malaysia!” Kyuhyun shot back.
Donghae gasped and Eunhyuk immediately clammed up.
“Oh and by the way, Zhou Mi was the one who forgot to pick Heechul up and consequently lost him.” Siwon added. “And the reason why we haven’t told Kangin and Leeteuk this is because Kangin would likely have our heads if he can’t have Zhou Mi’s and Leeteuk would have an aneurysm.”
“Which would still end up with Kangin having our heads,” Kyuhyun finished.
Eunhyuk and Donghae stared at them. They did have a point there. “So what do we do now?”
---
Super Junior Dorm
Earlier that day, all of the members were kidnapped one by one and brought to the supply closet turned Super Junior Crisis Center for briefing of the HEECHUL IS MISSING DAMMIT situation except for Leeteuk and Kangin who were instead fooled into thinking they’d won a free massage at the spa so that they’d be out of everyone’s hair. Currently, everyone was gathered in Sungmin’s room supposedly to plan their next course of action.
But mostly it was to stare intently at Siwon’s phone and wait for it to ring.
“Any moment now…” Shindong muttered.
“Dammit Shindong, did you just fart?” Yesung cried out.
“Clearly staring at this thing isn’t working.” Ryeowook said.
“Maybe I should pray over it again.” Siwon suggested.
“For the last time, Siwon, it’s a phone not a dying person.” Sungmin said dryly.
“It could be an alien device.” Donghae chimed in.
“Are we doing this again?” Eunhyuk asked him tiredly.
“Kibum says he believes me.” Donghae pouted.
“That’s what makes him a good actor.” Eunhyuk muttered and Donghae whacked him with a pillow. Eunhyuk threw a pillow back at him but it ended up on Kyuhyun’s face instigating some kind of pillow war and amid all the cottony violence, the phone started ringing.
There was a pause before someone screamed “HOLY CRAP WHERE’S THE PHONE?” and then there was panicked chaos.
“I got it! I got it!” Donghae yelled victoriously before answering it. “Zhou Mi, its Donghae! Did you find Heenim?”
There was a long, long pause. “We-ell…good news is I found his luggage.” Zhou Mi replied.
“And?” Donghae urged not liking where this was going.
“Well, he wasn’t with his luggage. His luggage was abandoned somewhere in the airport.” Zhou Mi continued reluctantly.
“WHAT?” Donghae demanded.
“You guys have got to stop with the screaming already, yeah? Just breathe. Thanks to my botched hair job, no one recognizes me anymore so I’ve been roaming the streets freely. I’ll find him, I swear, but if I don’t, you’re free to kill me,” Pause. “Well, not really. Toodles!”
Beep.
Donghae hesitantly turned to see six scary faces looming above him. He gulped before stammering his way to an explanation of the situation. After making Donghae cry with their interrogation, everyone had only one question on their minds.
“WHERE IN GOD’S NAME IS HEECHUL?” cried Shindong.
“Language,” Siwon warned.
“We’re fucked. We can’t keep this from Leeteuk and Kangin any longer.” Sungmin said.
“Are you volunteering?” Ryeowook asked.
“I volunteer Siwon. He can run the fastest.” Yesung suggested. At this, Siwon’s started gesturing violently.
“Wait, I’ve got an idea.” Kyuhyun piped up, his eyes gleaming.
---
Later that night, Leeteuk and Kangin would arrive in an eerily quiet dormitory. They searched the rooms, the bathroom, and the living room but everyone was suspiciously missing. When they came to the kitchen, they found a huge pink letter on the countertop. What the hell were his members up to now, Leeteuk had to wonder.
Our non-violent and understanding beloved Kangin and Leeteuk,
We regret to inform you that we have changed residences temporarily for reasons that will soon become glaringly obvious.
1. Zhou Mi, our supposed accomplice in China, failed to pick up Heechul at the airport.
2. He was coloring his hair if you’re interested.
3. If Leeteuk hasn’t fainted yet, then we’re pleased to inform you that his luggage was found.
4. If Leeteuk hasn’t fainted yet, he will. HE WASN’T WITH HIS LUGGAGE.
5. Kangin, Ryeowook requests that you spare his china in the event that you indulge in a fit (which you will, who are you kidding?).
Are you thinking of wringing our necks? Has Leeteuk started hyperventilating? THAT is why we’ve taken to hiding out like a bunch of criminals. We’ll be back to discuss Heenim’s situation when the both of you have sufficiently calmed down and have lost all traces of homicidal thought so let’s say, a week?
Who knows, maybe Heechul will surprise us all and turn up with a weary and disturbed Geng on his arm.
Love always,
Siwon, Sungmin, Shindong, Donghae, Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk, Yesung, Ryeowook
PS: Really, this is all Zhou Mi’s fault.
PPS: If you’re thinking of maiming anyone, MAIM HIM.
---
Yay super sized Korea chapter! *CONFETTI AND PARTY POPPERS*
Sorry for not being a good updater. :) I started this other fic and before I knew it, a 200-item Pharma exam sprung out of nowhere and the rest was history. Please don't brick me.
This is different from usual, yeah? Lemme know what you think, bbs! ^^
NEXT UP: WHERE IN THE WORLD IS KIM HEECHUL?