The Kim Heechul China Travelogue
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior.
Pairings: Hanchul
Summary: Kim Heechul’s epic undercover mission to China. In which Kim Heechul flies coach, gets lost in translation, wins a beauty pageant, and stumbles unceremoniously into the love of his life with no less than a hundred costume changes.
Will be in Our Maj, Heechul’s, point of view. For the most part.
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually get a kick out of shimmying in a mini skirt.
Those things are tight.
And drafty. True story.
However with the kind of plan we’re operating on-the desperate, hasty, not-exactly-moron-proof kind, certain extreme sacrifices had to be made. Such as my pants for a skirt, my shirt for a tank top, and my sneakers for I forgot the name but it’s damn uncomfortable is what it is.
“OKAY WHO JUST GRABBED MY ASS?” I demanded. No one replied as they were all rushing back and forth, carrying out their tasks for The Super Junior Super Plan. Although Siwon was looking all tomato red and suspicious while muttering about butts, skirts, and testing the fabric. I cocked my eyebrow. Weird boy is weird.
Leeteuk, Sungmin, and Donghae came up to inspect me.
“Something’s missing,” Sungmin mused. “I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
“What is it?” I asked worriedly, rushing off to the mirror. I primped, twirled, and preened. Nope. I was perfect.
“I can’t figure it out either,” Leeteuk said. “Is the make up too much?”
I gasped at him, feeling appalled.
I was promptly ignored.
“His boobs are too flat.”
“His top is too pink.”
“Maybe I should check his butt-er, skirt.” That came from Siwon.
“Hmm…his hair looks---wait,” Eunhyuk paused as something dawned on him. Hopefully a coherent thought. But that would be too much to ask.
I was wrong . In about five minutes, I was in a blond wig after a slightly violent scuffle. Eunhyuk limped away victorious.
“Now, Heechul, don’t be like that. Remember why we’re doing this.” Leeteuk told me as I pulled at my wig. I immediately put down my hands. “Damn that bastard. I’m going to freaking kill him for this stunt.” I hissed.
“Yeah, yeah whatever, hyung, let’s get you to China first,” Shindong said as he lugged my stuff about.
How do you fit ten people in a 6-seater automobile?
Easy.
You push, shove, and stretch yourself beyond normal human limits as if your life depended on it. I slapped Siwon’s hand which had been climbing dangerously high into the general area of my ass.
“Ow!”
“I told you, Siwon, I’m not sitting on your lap.” I told him firmly before adjusting myself into a more comfortable position, away from Shindong’s crotch. Disgusting. “You know when I said I wanted you to send me off, I meant it to happen in the driveway with much skinship and general fanfare. Donghae might even attach himself onto my leg in which case I would be forced to shake him off violently before I clamber into the car, roll up the windows, your tearful faces the last thing I see of Korea.”
“KANGIN!” Leeteuk screeched.
“Oh…uh…sorry, I dozed off for a while there,” Kangin rubbed his eyes before looking back at the road.
“HOLY FUCK! What the heck is he doing here?” I demanded before screeching. “And with his hands on the steering wheel no less!”
“He was the only one who could drive us there fast enough, apparently, since Her Royal Majesty insisted on getting TWELVE hours of sleep.” Ryeowook bitched, the poor soul who woke me up thus becoming the victim of an early morning fracas.
“Kibum’s a really good driver,” Donghae chimed in and everyone agreed heartily that Kibum was indeed the god of the steering wheel, the stallion of the road, etc, etc.
“So where is Kibum?” Yesung asked instigating another round of Where’s Kibum? I tried to find a face or limb attached to Yesung’s voice but couldn’t find one amidst the chaos of our various body parts.
“Oh, he’s acting.” Donghae finally replied and everyone quit their hollering to announce that of course dear Kibum should be acting since he was also a phenomenal actor, the master of the silver screen, etc, etc and shouldn’t be bothered to do menial tasks such as driving.
“And I can?” Kanging thundered from the driver’s seat.
“YES.” We replied unanimously.
“I can drive.” Leeteuk proclaimed proudly immediately causing all of us to burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?” Our leader demanded.
From the corner of my eye I saw Kyuhyun cackling maniacally while wiping tears from his eyes. “Oh god, that was good, hyung.” He said before exploding into laughter once again.
“Okay everyone, remember our plan. Be inconspicuous.” Kangin announced as he parked the car in the airport parking lot.
“Oh sure, because we were doing so well already what with ten members of a popular boy band shoved into this sorry excuse for a car.” I said loudly.
“Sock it, you idiot,” Leeteuk told me and I was surprised to note that he was wearing a wig.
Okay so according to Sungmin I was Jessica Kim, an American Korean girl, off to China for a vacation. I was a cold, haughty ice princess therefore I would not even attempt to speak, do imitations, laugh obnoxiously, flail, or even breathe. Kangin and Leeteuk were my dad and mom respectively but they were just here to send me off.
“Where did you get this?” I demanded of Sungmin indicating the passport and other papers in my hands. “Are you in some kind of mafia? Should I be concerned?”
Sungmin turned bright red before mumbling something about exes and favors. His favors, in particular. I would have inquired further but Kyuhyun seemed to be particularly interested in the topic so I left the two of them to duke it out.
“Okay, Heechul, we have to go now. The others stay in the car. ACT INCONSPICUOUS while Leeteuk and I see that Heechul actually gets in the plane. To China. Knowing him, he could end up anywhere.” Kangin announced already in full Appa attire with a full beard and a checkered monstrosity. I would normally fight him but he was actually kind of right.
We exchanged goodbyes with everyone handing me something they wanted HanGeng to get. It was honestly an extremely touching moment except. “You chose to give me all of this now?? Where the hell am I supposed to put it?” I exclaimed.
“WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” Sungmin yelled all of a sudden.
“WHAT’S MY PROBLEM? WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” Kyuhyun shot back.
“Guys…” Shindong started.
“WHY DOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A PROBLEM?” Sungmin yelled.
“BECAUSE,” Kyuhyun yelled back. Clever comeback, I noted.
“BECAUSE WHAT?” Sungmin replied just as cleverly.
And as the two huffed and puffed at each other’s faces, the rest of us watched on with bated breath while exchanging confuzzled glances. Except Appa Kangin. “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING INCONSPICUOUS?”
----
So this was just a preview. I think. Any thoughts? :D
Pairings: Hanchul
Summary: Kim Heechul’s epic undercover mission to China. In which Kim Heechul flies coach, gets lost in translation, wins a beauty pageant, and stumbles unceremoniously into the love of his life with no less than a hundred costume changes.
Will be in Our Maj, Heechul’s, point of view. For the most part.
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually get a kick out of shimmying in a mini skirt.
Those things are tight.
And drafty. True story.
However with the kind of plan we’re operating on-the desperate, hasty, not-exactly-moron-proof kind, certain extreme sacrifices had to be made. Such as my pants for a skirt, my shirt for a tank top, and my sneakers for I forgot the name but it’s damn uncomfortable is what it is.
“OKAY WHO JUST GRABBED MY ASS?” I demanded. No one replied as they were all rushing back and forth, carrying out their tasks for The Super Junior Super Plan. Although Siwon was looking all tomato red and suspicious while muttering about butts, skirts, and testing the fabric. I cocked my eyebrow. Weird boy is weird.
Leeteuk, Sungmin, and Donghae came up to inspect me.
“Something’s missing,” Sungmin mused. “I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
“What is it?” I asked worriedly, rushing off to the mirror. I primped, twirled, and preened. Nope. I was perfect.
“I can’t figure it out either,” Leeteuk said. “Is the make up too much?”
I gasped at him, feeling appalled.
I was promptly ignored.
“His boobs are too flat.”
“His top is too pink.”
“Maybe I should check his butt-er, skirt.” That came from Siwon.
“Hmm…his hair looks---wait,” Eunhyuk paused as something dawned on him. Hopefully a coherent thought. But that would be too much to ask.
I was wrong . In about five minutes, I was in a blond wig after a slightly violent scuffle. Eunhyuk limped away victorious.
“Now, Heechul, don’t be like that. Remember why we’re doing this.” Leeteuk told me as I pulled at my wig. I immediately put down my hands. “Damn that bastard. I’m going to freaking kill him for this stunt.” I hissed.
“Yeah, yeah whatever, hyung, let’s get you to China first,” Shindong said as he lugged my stuff about.
How do you fit ten people in a 6-seater automobile?
Easy.
You push, shove, and stretch yourself beyond normal human limits as if your life depended on it. I slapped Siwon’s hand which had been climbing dangerously high into the general area of my ass.
“Ow!”
“I told you, Siwon, I’m not sitting on your lap.” I told him firmly before adjusting myself into a more comfortable position, away from Shindong’s crotch. Disgusting. “You know when I said I wanted you to send me off, I meant it to happen in the driveway with much skinship and general fanfare. Donghae might even attach himself onto my leg in which case I would be forced to shake him off violently before I clamber into the car, roll up the windows, your tearful faces the last thing I see of Korea.”
“KANGIN!” Leeteuk screeched.
“Oh…uh…sorry, I dozed off for a while there,” Kangin rubbed his eyes before looking back at the road.
“HOLY FUCK! What the heck is he doing here?” I demanded before screeching. “And with his hands on the steering wheel no less!”
“He was the only one who could drive us there fast enough, apparently, since Her Royal Majesty insisted on getting TWELVE hours of sleep.” Ryeowook bitched, the poor soul who woke me up thus becoming the victim of an early morning fracas.
“Kibum’s a really good driver,” Donghae chimed in and everyone agreed heartily that Kibum was indeed the god of the steering wheel, the stallion of the road, etc, etc.
“So where is Kibum?” Yesung asked instigating another round of Where’s Kibum? I tried to find a face or limb attached to Yesung’s voice but couldn’t find one amidst the chaos of our various body parts.
“Oh, he’s acting.” Donghae finally replied and everyone quit their hollering to announce that of course dear Kibum should be acting since he was also a phenomenal actor, the master of the silver screen, etc, etc and shouldn’t be bothered to do menial tasks such as driving.
“And I can?” Kanging thundered from the driver’s seat.
“YES.” We replied unanimously.
“I can drive.” Leeteuk proclaimed proudly immediately causing all of us to burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?” Our leader demanded.
From the corner of my eye I saw Kyuhyun cackling maniacally while wiping tears from his eyes. “Oh god, that was good, hyung.” He said before exploding into laughter once again.
“Okay everyone, remember our plan. Be inconspicuous.” Kangin announced as he parked the car in the airport parking lot.
“Oh sure, because we were doing so well already what with ten members of a popular boy band shoved into this sorry excuse for a car.” I said loudly.
“Sock it, you idiot,” Leeteuk told me and I was surprised to note that he was wearing a wig.
Okay so according to Sungmin I was Jessica Kim, an American Korean girl, off to China for a vacation. I was a cold, haughty ice princess therefore I would not even attempt to speak, do imitations, laugh obnoxiously, flail, or even breathe. Kangin and Leeteuk were my dad and mom respectively but they were just here to send me off.
“Where did you get this?” I demanded of Sungmin indicating the passport and other papers in my hands. “Are you in some kind of mafia? Should I be concerned?”
Sungmin turned bright red before mumbling something about exes and favors. His favors, in particular. I would have inquired further but Kyuhyun seemed to be particularly interested in the topic so I left the two of them to duke it out.
“Okay, Heechul, we have to go now. The others stay in the car. ACT INCONSPICUOUS while Leeteuk and I see that Heechul actually gets in the plane. To China. Knowing him, he could end up anywhere.” Kangin announced already in full Appa attire with a full beard and a checkered monstrosity. I would normally fight him but he was actually kind of right.
We exchanged goodbyes with everyone handing me something they wanted HanGeng to get. It was honestly an extremely touching moment except. “You chose to give me all of this now?? Where the hell am I supposed to put it?” I exclaimed.
“WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” Sungmin yelled all of a sudden.
“WHAT’S MY PROBLEM? WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” Kyuhyun shot back.
“Guys…” Shindong started.
“WHY DOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A PROBLEM?” Sungmin yelled.
“BECAUSE,” Kyuhyun yelled back. Clever comeback, I noted.
“BECAUSE WHAT?” Sungmin replied just as cleverly.
And as the two huffed and puffed at each other’s faces, the rest of us watched on with bated breath while exchanging confuzzled glances. Except Appa Kangin. “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING INCONSPICUOUS?”
----
So this was just a preview. I think. Any thoughts? :D