On the Enneagram, motivation, and self-improvement
Response to alifeinfocus
"How do you keep yourself motivated, if I may ask? You seem very passionate about your self-improvement project."
Heheh, that motivation's changing. My energy and motivation doesn't want to flow to me-focused self-improvement much anymore. That energy has been deteriorating steadily over the past year, despite my efforts to pep it up by writing about it. I elaborate this through my many posts in the last couple days.
I was most successful and motivated with self-improvement in late high school (~4 years ago), especially after a series of realizations... including a kind of 3-day to 2-week anxiety breakdown. Ultimately, the realization was that I was largely in a success-mindset, and feeling a natural draw instead to a self-improvement mindset (these are quite different). This describes the positive shift in Enneagram psychological health level 4 --> 3 for the type Three. Note that type Three is a qualitatively distinguishable archetype that all of us have to some degree, but for me it's the dominant life pattern.
For me to become healthier, that entails actually letting go of the obsession with self-improvement. But despite trying for something like 2-3 years, I haven't until recently had the accumulation of experiences (due to persistent efforts and intention-manifestation) that enables me to naturally shift again.
For the type 3 pattern (which is likely active in your case -- but I'm not sure I know you well enough to say), self-improvement is ultimately self-sabotaging because it's a behavior that seeks to reduce anxiety. For Threes, the anxiety is the fear of rejection, or that they would be rejected or rejectable. It's a derivative fear from the fear of being worthless, without value.
So we constantly improve in order to make ourselves good enough to keep around. The desire to "be all you can be" is actually fueled by the energy of fearing rejection or the feeling of being rejectable, while also satisfying some nobler intentions.
"Unfortunately", once you start becoming aware of this kind of energy, it becomes less and less effective. (Especially, in my case, when reality forces you to acknowledge that no amount of self-improvement projects will prevent you from being rejected... so the whole energy base for that motivation is crippled.) With the intention to grow, however, what naturally comes to fore after that is the direct fear of not having personal worth -- the second aspect of Branden's self-esteem definition. Warding off that fear directly is what provides energy for purposeful behaviors beyond me-focus. You want to "earn" your right to be happy.
The type 1 is second most likely to exhibit "self-improvement", but more in the sense of being conscientious, principled, ethical, and - particularly - impartial. Their emphasis is on fearing the loss of reason and responsibility due to feelings and impulses. Ultimately, they're warding off a fundamental fear of not being fundamentally Good -- of being corrupt, evil, defective, and imbalanced -- parallel to and different from the type 3's fundamental fear of not having real worth.
All that said, the drive to self-improvement is in the healthy range of behaviors. It contributes positively to oneself and society. But it's not sustainable without an input of a large amount of extra energy (motivation), driven by certain unconscious or subconscious fears. Or you could say that motivation is driven by desires ("be all I can be") to compensate for those fears ("not being [worth] enough for people").
To get motivated, let yourself be consumed by the appropriate fears and desires. That's where you'll get the energy.
Then, just be aware that the more you're consciously aware of the source of your motivation energy, the more the source script will dissipate under the reality-aligning effect of awareness... which can suck, or be positive for growth and allow for other motivations.
The other motivations will paradoxically take care of what you thought you needed to obsess over before. For instance, when I moved from a success-mindset to self-improvement mindset, I was afraid I would become less successful. Actually, I was just as successful as ever before -- PLUS also a happier and a better person at the same time!
~Odyssey
"How do you keep yourself motivated, if I may ask? You seem very passionate about your self-improvement project."
Heheh, that motivation's changing. My energy and motivation doesn't want to flow to me-focused self-improvement much anymore. That energy has been deteriorating steadily over the past year, despite my efforts to pep it up by writing about it. I elaborate this through my many posts in the last couple days.
I was most successful and motivated with self-improvement in late high school (~4 years ago), especially after a series of realizations... including a kind of 3-day to 2-week anxiety breakdown. Ultimately, the realization was that I was largely in a success-mindset, and feeling a natural draw instead to a self-improvement mindset (these are quite different). This describes the positive shift in Enneagram psychological health level 4 --> 3 for the type Three. Note that type Three is a qualitatively distinguishable archetype that all of us have to some degree, but for me it's the dominant life pattern.
For me to become healthier, that entails actually letting go of the obsession with self-improvement. But despite trying for something like 2-3 years, I haven't until recently had the accumulation of experiences (due to persistent efforts and intention-manifestation) that enables me to naturally shift again.
For the type 3 pattern (which is likely active in your case -- but I'm not sure I know you well enough to say), self-improvement is ultimately self-sabotaging because it's a behavior that seeks to reduce anxiety. For Threes, the anxiety is the fear of rejection, or that they would be rejected or rejectable. It's a derivative fear from the fear of being worthless, without value.
So we constantly improve in order to make ourselves good enough to keep around. The desire to "be all you can be" is actually fueled by the energy of fearing rejection or the feeling of being rejectable, while also satisfying some nobler intentions.
"Unfortunately", once you start becoming aware of this kind of energy, it becomes less and less effective. (Especially, in my case, when reality forces you to acknowledge that no amount of self-improvement projects will prevent you from being rejected... so the whole energy base for that motivation is crippled.) With the intention to grow, however, what naturally comes to fore after that is the direct fear of not having personal worth -- the second aspect of Branden's self-esteem definition. Warding off that fear directly is what provides energy for purposeful behaviors beyond me-focus. You want to "earn" your right to be happy.
The type 1 is second most likely to exhibit "self-improvement", but more in the sense of being conscientious, principled, ethical, and - particularly - impartial. Their emphasis is on fearing the loss of reason and responsibility due to feelings and impulses. Ultimately, they're warding off a fundamental fear of not being fundamentally Good -- of being corrupt, evil, defective, and imbalanced -- parallel to and different from the type 3's fundamental fear of not having real worth.
All that said, the drive to self-improvement is in the healthy range of behaviors. It contributes positively to oneself and society. But it's not sustainable without an input of a large amount of extra energy (motivation), driven by certain unconscious or subconscious fears. Or you could say that motivation is driven by desires ("be all I can be") to compensate for those fears ("not being [worth] enough for people").
To get motivated, let yourself be consumed by the appropriate fears and desires. That's where you'll get the energy.
Then, just be aware that the more you're consciously aware of the source of your motivation energy, the more the source script will dissipate under the reality-aligning effect of awareness... which can suck, or be positive for growth and allow for other motivations.
The other motivations will paradoxically take care of what you thought you needed to obsess over before. For instance, when I moved from a success-mindset to self-improvement mindset, I was afraid I would become less successful. Actually, I was just as successful as ever before -- PLUS also a happier and a better person at the same time!
~Odyssey