Ditching
I'm thinking about getting out of here again.
Last summer, when I went to California, there was really nothing tying me to Saginaw, or Michigan at all, for that matter. Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly for me to go, almost as if it was destiny, as corny as that sounds. It's just how it happened.
Lately, I don't feel so attached to this place. One of my friends has been kind of flaky lately, which doesn't make me feel particularly high in the self-worth area. Another is bored a lot, so even though I enjoy her company, I feel more like it's out of convenience that we spend time together than anything else. My Dawson is the one person I feel really cares; he offered to stop by my old apartment to pick up some of my belongings on his way through Saginaw. He's been thoughtful and kind enough to lend his ear whenever I've needed it. But he's moving soon, and I won't have him anymore. All of the other people I'd considered my friends never even call, let alone call to hang out.
My mom is the one person who's truly reliable. Reasons for that are obvious. Yes, I'm incredibly grateful for her and her apartment, but sometimes I feel like more of a burden than a blessing.
On top of this, I'm starting to dislike my job again. I'm not sure why or what it is, but I feel like I'm working really hard (when I do work) and not being appreciated for it. Just last night I had so many tasks delegated to me and not a lot of time to do it. I got most of it done, but I felt like the other girls there had this sense of hostility and annoyance toward me the entire time. I'm not sure why...it's not like I was dinking around, I was working as efficiently as I knew how, and I thought I did a pretty good job of it. Not like I was talking...hardly anyone ever talks to me there. It really makes me miss the Saginaw store and the crew there.
I just don't really feel like I belong lately. It's a difficult thing to sort out for yourself...not feeling at home when you're home. Home has been such a fundamental part of me for so long--composed my entire core, thus existence--what do I do when I don't seem to fit here anymore? Where...and what...is my home? I've been missing 2003-04 more than ever.
The idea of getting away from all of this, meeting new people, getting a new and better job, being in a new environment, having a sense of solidity while in a setting that's temporary...
Alaska has never sounded better.
Last summer, when I went to California, there was really nothing tying me to Saginaw, or Michigan at all, for that matter. Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly for me to go, almost as if it was destiny, as corny as that sounds. It's just how it happened.
Lately, I don't feel so attached to this place. One of my friends has been kind of flaky lately, which doesn't make me feel particularly high in the self-worth area. Another is bored a lot, so even though I enjoy her company, I feel more like it's out of convenience that we spend time together than anything else. My Dawson is the one person I feel really cares; he offered to stop by my old apartment to pick up some of my belongings on his way through Saginaw. He's been thoughtful and kind enough to lend his ear whenever I've needed it. But he's moving soon, and I won't have him anymore. All of the other people I'd considered my friends never even call, let alone call to hang out.
My mom is the one person who's truly reliable. Reasons for that are obvious. Yes, I'm incredibly grateful for her and her apartment, but sometimes I feel like more of a burden than a blessing.
On top of this, I'm starting to dislike my job again. I'm not sure why or what it is, but I feel like I'm working really hard (when I do work) and not being appreciated for it. Just last night I had so many tasks delegated to me and not a lot of time to do it. I got most of it done, but I felt like the other girls there had this sense of hostility and annoyance toward me the entire time. I'm not sure why...it's not like I was dinking around, I was working as efficiently as I knew how, and I thought I did a pretty good job of it. Not like I was talking...hardly anyone ever talks to me there. It really makes me miss the Saginaw store and the crew there.
I just don't really feel like I belong lately. It's a difficult thing to sort out for yourself...not feeling at home when you're home. Home has been such a fundamental part of me for so long--composed my entire core, thus existence--what do I do when I don't seem to fit here anymore? Where...and what...is my home? I've been missing 2003-04 more than ever.
The idea of getting away from all of this, meeting new people, getting a new and better job, being in a new environment, having a sense of solidity while in a setting that's temporary...
Alaska has never sounded better.