The Kinsey Scale
So, to take a break from writing depressing stuff, I wrote smut! Dub-con smut, since everyone was under the effects of a powder that made them want to have sex with each other. I feel a bit guilty that my writing is turning to dub-con more often, but I guess people can get into moods where they write certain types of fic for a period of time and then move on to other types. I'm going to go with that for now.
I was intrigued by the prompt, of labeling the producers on the Kinsey Scale, because we did learn a little about it in one of my psychology classes. I can't claim to fully understand all about human sexuality but I did my best to match the standards of the scale, even though I'm sure it's not this easy to actually rank people like this. Sexuality seems too fluid to me to be pinned down on a fixed scale, but I did my best to include everything the prompt wanted.
So anyway, I don't want to spoil which couples hook up in this fic, but there is het, slash, and femslash, a hook-up from a super beloved couple, a hook-up from a super beloved OT3, and couples I personally enjoy thrown in as well. If you choose to read it, I hope you enjoy!
Dr. Insano sat nestled safely on a tree branch in the backyard of the Nostalgia Critic’s house. He was perfectly hidden from the many producers who had gathered together for another crazy Critic scheme, yet had a clear look into the window of one of the guest bedrooms, which made the doctor rather proud of finding that spot in the first place.
He was also rather proud of his latest creation, a batch of powder which, when inhaled, greatly increased the sexual desire of a person while simultaneously lowering their inhibitions. Insano intended to test his powder by slipping it into the air-conditioning system of the Critic’s house, setting up hidden cameras in every room, and then observing the results. After all, why let a perfectly good batch of test subjects go to waste?
Insano was also hoping to learn more about human sexuality, which he’d been reading about over the past few months. While he was brilliant in most areas of science, Insano had to admit that his knowledge concerning sexuality was woefully lacking. He didn’t have many personal experiences to draw from, so he hoped by watching the producers own sexual encounters and ranking them on the Kinsey Scale, he could better understand the fools he would one day rule over.
It only took three minutes after the powder started fully circulating through the house for two people to find the guestroom. Insano checked his clipboard and identified Benzaie, who was carrying Marzgurl in his arms, as he walked almost drunkenly toward the bed. He laid her upon it before straddling her waist and bending down to kiss her.
“Oh Benzaie,” Marzgurl moaned as his hands made their way under her shirt to cup her breasts. “I always thought of you as a perverted gamer, but now I realize how very attractive you are.”
“I could say the same of you, mon cherie,” Benzaie murmured against her neck. “Your hair is looking especially purple today.”
“Take me now!” Insano had to put the binoculars down as they tore each other’s clothes off and engaged in the most heated wrestling match he’d ever seen.
“I never realized a study of sexuality would involve so much nudity,” he muttered as he felt his face start to heat up. “But no, I mustn’t look away from an experiment of this importance! I must record my observations.” Insano picked up his clipboard and jotted down what he could recall from the tryst before assigning numbers to the producers.
“I suppose that’s a 0 for both, since they have engaged in entirely heterosexual intercourse. Hmm, that’s a bit boring. I hope my next subjects provide some variety to this experiment.”
Insano’s hopes were met when, eight minutes later, a threesome arrived of Paw, who thrusted forcefully into Todd in the Shadows while kissing along his neck and back, and Pushing Up Roses, who thrusted into Paw using some sort of strap-on that made Insano blush to look at.
“Where would one purchase such a device?” He pondered this as Paw came, sinking his teeth into Todd’s neck to muffle his scream. Paw then lay back on the bed, panting heavily, while Roses scrambled over him and turned her attention to Todd, who eagerly reciprocated.
“Oh Todd!”
“Oh Lupa!”
Roses smacked him for this before crying out softly as she climaxed. A moment later Todd grunted as his own orgasm came, and then the three started cuddling each other like a pack of tired puppies.
“Well… I don’t really know what to make of that,” Insano admitted as he scribbled more notes upon his clipboard. “But I suppose this is sufficient data for classification. The Roses female seems to be a 0, the Todd male a 3, since he seemed satisfied with intercourse with both sexes, and the Paw male… eh, I’ll give him a 5.”
Insano finished marking down his results and shifted into a more comfortable position while wondering when his next subjects would arrive. He was startled from his thoughts by a scream, and scrambled for his binoculars, where he spied two young woman now occupying the bedroom.
“Wait… how did the other three vanish so quickly?” Insano adjusted his focus and looked more closely at one of the women, who was lying naked on the bed with her legs splayed open. “And isn’t that Marzgurl again? How quickly does this powder replenish their sexual appetites?”
“Oh… Hagan,” Marzgurl moaned to the other woman, who had her face buried deep between her legs. “You were right… women are better at pleasing women!”
“That’s what I’ve always said,” Diamanda Hagan said, pulling away long enough to kiss along the Marz’s thigh. “Once you’ve had clit, cock don’t mean shit.”
Marzgurl unleashed a sharp laugh, which turned into a shriek of desire when Hagan ran her tongue along her clitoris. Insano’s brow furrowed as he erased his previous ranking.
“So, it seems I do need several observations for each subject. I’m so glad I have those cameras recording everything for later study. All right, so the Marzgurl female’s ranking will now be a 1, since it sounds like this is her first time experiencing intercourse with another female. The Hagan female will receive a 6, since she seems to prefer intercourse exclusively with females.”
The door to the guestroom opened with a bang as Benzaie stumbled inside once again, this time with Angry Joe in his arms.
“You’re lighter than you look, mon cherie,” Benzaie purred before kissing Joe.
“Hey! This room is occupied!” Hagan hissed, glaring daggers at the men.
“Whoa, sorry to interrupt, ladies,” Joe said with an approving nod at the scene. “Say, why don’t we make this a real party and join you two?”
“No!”
“Okay!” Hagan looked hurt by Marzgurl’s quick agreement but then focused her anger back on the men.
“Get out now, or I’ll personally bite off your testicles and shove them down your throats!”
“Damn, that’s hot,” Joe moaned, squirming a little in Benzaie’s arms.
“I will take cool you off, then,” Benzaie promised as he carried Joe back outside. “Sorry to bother you two.” When the door was closed, Hagan returned to pleasuring Marzgurl, although her technique seemed to get a bit rougher, and involved nail-scratching on areas that made Insano wince.
“Sexuality can also be rather brutal,” he observed as made more notes. “So that Benzaie male was also classified too early, since it appears he may actually be a 3, and the Angry Joe male also seemed interested in encounters with both sexes, so he’ll also be deemed a 3.”
A lull followed this encounter, which allowed Insano the chance to snack on a granola bar he’d brought with him and take a drink of water. While Insano waited for the next subjects to arrive, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye and trained his binoculars on the Critic’s front porch. There he discovered Spoony and Linkara rolling around like dogs in heat. Insano rolled his eyes.
“Really, Spoony? You two don’t have enough intercourse when the hero sneaks into your room every few nights? Or when you sneak into his?” Insano really was shocked that neither of them had found the hidden cameras he’d installed into the ceilings of their bedrooms. “I hope you two weren’t planning on keeping that a secret. As much as you pretend to be 0s, you’re both classified as 1s.” Insano couldn’t help smiling as he wrote down their rankings.
When the bedroom door did open again, 11 minutes later, Insano was surprised to see only one male subject, and that he locked the door behind him before barricading it with a chair. Only seconds after his arrival, however, a pounding on the door followed.
“Sean! Hey! You have to let me it!”
“RolloT? Is that you?”
“Yes! Now please, let me in! Hurry!” Sean sighed and allowed his former co-host entry.
“I don’t know what the hell’s going on out there,” Sean admitted as he locked the door once again. “Everyone has gone fucking insane! And they’re all fucking each other too! I don’t know what’s wrong with them, but I think if we stay up here for a while, we can-”
Sean stopped when RolloT tried to jump up and kiss him. Then he pushed the shorter man away with a scowl.
‘What the fuck are you doing?”
“What? Nothing. You look really hot, by the way.”
“Damn it, RolloT! You know I’m straight!”
“Yeah, I know, I’m straight too!”
“But you just tried to kiss me.”
“Correct.”
“But I’m a guy.”
“You can kiss a few guys and still be straight, Sean.” Sean just stared at him before taking a few steps backwards.
“Ok, I’m just going to leave now.” Before he could, the door opened again as JewWario entered the room.
“Hey Sean! I was looking all over for you, buddy!”
“No!” Sean bolted out of the room and a few minutes later, Insano watched his car peel out of the Critic’s driveway.
“What’s up with him?” JewWario asked. RolloT responded by pouncing on the older gamer and pulling him onto the bed for a sexual act Insano later needed to look up to properly identify. Even then, he still had trouble understanding why the act was associated with the number 69.
“Another batch of important data for my study,” he declared while the two men pulled their clothes back on. “The Sean male receives a 0 rating, the RolloT male can have, oh, let’s say a 2, and the JewWario male receives a 6 at this point.” This was later revised to a 3 when Insano spotted JewWario stroking the PsychoNeko’s pussy until she screamed out his name so loudly, a flock of birds took flight in fear. He also spotted Benzaie, dressed in a grey hoodie, thrusting into the Nostalgia Chick while she screamed out Todd’s name.
“Tesla, that one seems to have had an extreme reaction to the powder,” Insano muttered as he recorded the Chick’s score of 0, and changed Benzaie’s to 2. “I probably should have run a few trials on its effects.”
Nine minutes later and the bedroom found itself occupied by two of the younger producers, whom Insano identified as Film Brain and Luke. Instead of tearing each other’s clothes off and diving under the covers, these two seemed content with sitting on the bed and talking.
“So, uh, it’s getting pretty weird down there, huh?” Luke said. He seemed to fidget quite a lot as he spoke, twirling several of his curls around one finger and tapping his foot against the floor like he was a human metronome.
“Y-yes, it does seem rather mad,” Film Brain replied with a nod that caused his bangs to bounce.
“Yeah, it’s crazy.” Luke rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath before blurting out, “S-so… whatdoyouthinkifwetrythat?” Film Brain blinked twice and smiled in polite confusion.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I just… I really like you,” Luke said, his cheeks slowly growing crimson with each word. “I’ve known I liked guys for a long time now, more than how I’d like girls, but when I met you, Film Brain… I never liked anyone as much as I like you.” He paused to swallow then, and clenched his hands into fists. “Would you ever even think about being with someone like me?” Luke closed his eyes then and seemed to brace himself for an inevitable rejection, but Film Brain reached out to unclench one hand before running his fingers along the back.
“I’ve actually thought about it quite a lot, Luke. I thought you’d noticed, once my animosity for you vanished and I realized what an amazing person you are. I would be honored to go out with someone like you.” Film Brain smiled as he watched Luke’s face light up.
“I can’t believe it was this easy.” Film Brain looked like he had a response, but Luke grabbed him them and kissed him passionately enough to make the Brit almost go limp in his arms. When Luke tried to move so they would be lying on the bed, however, Film Brain tensed and pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” Luke asked, his arousal clearly showing amidst his confusion. “I thought you said… am I going too fast?”
“I’m sorry.” Film Brain lowered his gaze so he spoke to the carpet. “I do like you, Luke, and I want to be with you, but… I just don’t… enjoy sex.”
“You-what?” Luke sat back up and stared at the other man with an expression of intense perplexion. “You don’t like sex?” Luke’s face fell and looked down at his hands. “Oh my God, you hate me.”
“No! No, I don’t!” Film Brain said quickly.
“I pushed too hard, too fast!”
“No, it’s not you! I just don’t have any desire to have sex with anyone!” Film Brain almost shouted before his face turned bright red.
“Why are you saying that?” Luke asked, looking genuinely hurt. “Are you trying to spare my feelings? Just admit it, you’re not interested in me like that.”
“But it’s not just you,” Film Brain insisted before he closed his eyes and sighed. He looked utterly defeated for a moment before saying slowly, “All right, fine, you’ve caught me. I just said that because… because you were moving too fast.”
“I knew it.” Luke looked crestfallen.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t like you,” Film Brain said, taking Luke’s hand again. “Because I do. I‘d just like to take things slowly. Is that all right?”
The disappointment was very evident on Luke’s face but he nodded and curled his fingers around Film Brain’s palm.
“Yeah, that’s all right. Who needs to rush things anyway?”
“Thanks, Luke.” Film Brain hesitated before leaning in to brush their lips together. Luke’s expression dissolved into one of happiness and the two left the bedroom still holding hands.
“I’m not entirely sure of what to make of that,” Insano said as he wrote notes on this latest scene. “It seems both of them were able to resist the effects of the powder much more than I’d anticipated. Oh sure, that Luke male eventually gave in to its effects, and I will assign him a 4 for his efforts, but the other male seemed to have no sexual desire at all, and even claimed that this was a common occurrence.” Insano chewed on the end of his pencil while he tried to think of which ranking to give Film Brain. “I suppose he shall have to remain number-less until more evidence is acquired.
The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, and after observing a great number of producers, Insano felt he’d gathered as much information as he could from this group.
“This honestly is more difficult than I’d imagined.” Insano looked down at the scribbles and eraser-marked paper that constituted his notes and felt disheartened. “Every time I seem to get a proper ranking for one of them, they’re likely to engage in another act and completely change the results. Oh, can’t there be more consistency when it comes to sexuality?”
“Hey! You!” Insano looked down to discover the Other Guy standing underneath his tree with crossed arms and an unhappy look. “You’re the reason I came home to find my brother plowing RinryGameGame and Oancitizen at the same time, aren’t you?”
“Really?” Insano asked as he hurried to record this data. “While the female being a 0 and the other male a 6 doesn’t surprise me, I did expect the Critic to land a bit higher on the scale than the 3 position.”
“Hey, Guy, you’re looking delicious today.”
“Benzaie, get back in the house before I turn the hose on you.” Insano watched the Frenchman shrug before returning indoors and shook his head.
“That subject is truly determined to remain a solid 3, isn’t he?”
“Insano, get down here now and fix this!”
“All right, I’m coming.” Insano tucked his things away into his coat and climbed to the ground. “Oh, sitting on a tree branch for several hours really isn’t a wise decision,” he admitted while rubbing his sore behind. “My posterior has never felt so tender.”
“Well maybe I can do something to make you feel better.” Insano started when the Other Guy suddenly embraced him and pulled him in for a kiss.
“Hey! W-what are you doing?” Insano yelped as hands slipped under the top of his scrubs and trailed along his torso. “How l-long were you inside that house?”
“Long enough to realize that you are looking hot right now,” the Other Guy said in between kissing along Insano’s neck. Insano shuddered and squirmed under his touches, but also found he was enjoying them immensely. “Come over here and heal me, doctor,” the Other Guy continued as he scooped Insano into his arms and carried him over to the back porch. “Paging Dr. Sex. Dr. Sex is needed right away.”
“Ohhhh, he’s here,” Insano sighed as those hands slipped down the bottom of his scrubs. He was still a scientist, and this was just another part of his experiment, one that would need to be replicated many times before conclusive information could be garnered about his personal ranking. Judging from the Other Guy’s expression as he thrusted deeply into Insano while kissing along his neck and chest, he was also prepared to donate his time and body to the pursuit of science. Multiple times.
I was intrigued by the prompt, of labeling the producers on the Kinsey Scale, because we did learn a little about it in one of my psychology classes. I can't claim to fully understand all about human sexuality but I did my best to match the standards of the scale, even though I'm sure it's not this easy to actually rank people like this. Sexuality seems too fluid to me to be pinned down on a fixed scale, but I did my best to include everything the prompt wanted.
So anyway, I don't want to spoil which couples hook up in this fic, but there is het, slash, and femslash, a hook-up from a super beloved couple, a hook-up from a super beloved OT3, and couples I personally enjoy thrown in as well. If you choose to read it, I hope you enjoy!
Dr. Insano sat nestled safely on a tree branch in the backyard of the Nostalgia Critic’s house. He was perfectly hidden from the many producers who had gathered together for another crazy Critic scheme, yet had a clear look into the window of one of the guest bedrooms, which made the doctor rather proud of finding that spot in the first place.
He was also rather proud of his latest creation, a batch of powder which, when inhaled, greatly increased the sexual desire of a person while simultaneously lowering their inhibitions. Insano intended to test his powder by slipping it into the air-conditioning system of the Critic’s house, setting up hidden cameras in every room, and then observing the results. After all, why let a perfectly good batch of test subjects go to waste?
Insano was also hoping to learn more about human sexuality, which he’d been reading about over the past few months. While he was brilliant in most areas of science, Insano had to admit that his knowledge concerning sexuality was woefully lacking. He didn’t have many personal experiences to draw from, so he hoped by watching the producers own sexual encounters and ranking them on the Kinsey Scale, he could better understand the fools he would one day rule over.
It only took three minutes after the powder started fully circulating through the house for two people to find the guestroom. Insano checked his clipboard and identified Benzaie, who was carrying Marzgurl in his arms, as he walked almost drunkenly toward the bed. He laid her upon it before straddling her waist and bending down to kiss her.
“Oh Benzaie,” Marzgurl moaned as his hands made their way under her shirt to cup her breasts. “I always thought of you as a perverted gamer, but now I realize how very attractive you are.”
“I could say the same of you, mon cherie,” Benzaie murmured against her neck. “Your hair is looking especially purple today.”
“Take me now!” Insano had to put the binoculars down as they tore each other’s clothes off and engaged in the most heated wrestling match he’d ever seen.
“I never realized a study of sexuality would involve so much nudity,” he muttered as he felt his face start to heat up. “But no, I mustn’t look away from an experiment of this importance! I must record my observations.” Insano picked up his clipboard and jotted down what he could recall from the tryst before assigning numbers to the producers.
“I suppose that’s a 0 for both, since they have engaged in entirely heterosexual intercourse. Hmm, that’s a bit boring. I hope my next subjects provide some variety to this experiment.”
Insano’s hopes were met when, eight minutes later, a threesome arrived of Paw, who thrusted forcefully into Todd in the Shadows while kissing along his neck and back, and Pushing Up Roses, who thrusted into Paw using some sort of strap-on that made Insano blush to look at.
“Where would one purchase such a device?” He pondered this as Paw came, sinking his teeth into Todd’s neck to muffle his scream. Paw then lay back on the bed, panting heavily, while Roses scrambled over him and turned her attention to Todd, who eagerly reciprocated.
“Oh Todd!”
“Oh Lupa!”
Roses smacked him for this before crying out softly as she climaxed. A moment later Todd grunted as his own orgasm came, and then the three started cuddling each other like a pack of tired puppies.
“Well… I don’t really know what to make of that,” Insano admitted as he scribbled more notes upon his clipboard. “But I suppose this is sufficient data for classification. The Roses female seems to be a 0, the Todd male a 3, since he seemed satisfied with intercourse with both sexes, and the Paw male… eh, I’ll give him a 5.”
Insano finished marking down his results and shifted into a more comfortable position while wondering when his next subjects would arrive. He was startled from his thoughts by a scream, and scrambled for his binoculars, where he spied two young woman now occupying the bedroom.
“Wait… how did the other three vanish so quickly?” Insano adjusted his focus and looked more closely at one of the women, who was lying naked on the bed with her legs splayed open. “And isn’t that Marzgurl again? How quickly does this powder replenish their sexual appetites?”
“Oh… Hagan,” Marzgurl moaned to the other woman, who had her face buried deep between her legs. “You were right… women are better at pleasing women!”
“That’s what I’ve always said,” Diamanda Hagan said, pulling away long enough to kiss along the Marz’s thigh. “Once you’ve had clit, cock don’t mean shit.”
Marzgurl unleashed a sharp laugh, which turned into a shriek of desire when Hagan ran her tongue along her clitoris. Insano’s brow furrowed as he erased his previous ranking.
“So, it seems I do need several observations for each subject. I’m so glad I have those cameras recording everything for later study. All right, so the Marzgurl female’s ranking will now be a 1, since it sounds like this is her first time experiencing intercourse with another female. The Hagan female will receive a 6, since she seems to prefer intercourse exclusively with females.”
The door to the guestroom opened with a bang as Benzaie stumbled inside once again, this time with Angry Joe in his arms.
“You’re lighter than you look, mon cherie,” Benzaie purred before kissing Joe.
“Hey! This room is occupied!” Hagan hissed, glaring daggers at the men.
“Whoa, sorry to interrupt, ladies,” Joe said with an approving nod at the scene. “Say, why don’t we make this a real party and join you two?”
“No!”
“Okay!” Hagan looked hurt by Marzgurl’s quick agreement but then focused her anger back on the men.
“Get out now, or I’ll personally bite off your testicles and shove them down your throats!”
“Damn, that’s hot,” Joe moaned, squirming a little in Benzaie’s arms.
“I will take cool you off, then,” Benzaie promised as he carried Joe back outside. “Sorry to bother you two.” When the door was closed, Hagan returned to pleasuring Marzgurl, although her technique seemed to get a bit rougher, and involved nail-scratching on areas that made Insano wince.
“Sexuality can also be rather brutal,” he observed as made more notes. “So that Benzaie male was also classified too early, since it appears he may actually be a 3, and the Angry Joe male also seemed interested in encounters with both sexes, so he’ll also be deemed a 3.”
A lull followed this encounter, which allowed Insano the chance to snack on a granola bar he’d brought with him and take a drink of water. While Insano waited for the next subjects to arrive, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye and trained his binoculars on the Critic’s front porch. There he discovered Spoony and Linkara rolling around like dogs in heat. Insano rolled his eyes.
“Really, Spoony? You two don’t have enough intercourse when the hero sneaks into your room every few nights? Or when you sneak into his?” Insano really was shocked that neither of them had found the hidden cameras he’d installed into the ceilings of their bedrooms. “I hope you two weren’t planning on keeping that a secret. As much as you pretend to be 0s, you’re both classified as 1s.” Insano couldn’t help smiling as he wrote down their rankings.
When the bedroom door did open again, 11 minutes later, Insano was surprised to see only one male subject, and that he locked the door behind him before barricading it with a chair. Only seconds after his arrival, however, a pounding on the door followed.
“Sean! Hey! You have to let me it!”
“RolloT? Is that you?”
“Yes! Now please, let me in! Hurry!” Sean sighed and allowed his former co-host entry.
“I don’t know what the hell’s going on out there,” Sean admitted as he locked the door once again. “Everyone has gone fucking insane! And they’re all fucking each other too! I don’t know what’s wrong with them, but I think if we stay up here for a while, we can-”
Sean stopped when RolloT tried to jump up and kiss him. Then he pushed the shorter man away with a scowl.
‘What the fuck are you doing?”
“What? Nothing. You look really hot, by the way.”
“Damn it, RolloT! You know I’m straight!”
“Yeah, I know, I’m straight too!”
“But you just tried to kiss me.”
“Correct.”
“But I’m a guy.”
“You can kiss a few guys and still be straight, Sean.” Sean just stared at him before taking a few steps backwards.
“Ok, I’m just going to leave now.” Before he could, the door opened again as JewWario entered the room.
“Hey Sean! I was looking all over for you, buddy!”
“No!” Sean bolted out of the room and a few minutes later, Insano watched his car peel out of the Critic’s driveway.
“What’s up with him?” JewWario asked. RolloT responded by pouncing on the older gamer and pulling him onto the bed for a sexual act Insano later needed to look up to properly identify. Even then, he still had trouble understanding why the act was associated with the number 69.
“Another batch of important data for my study,” he declared while the two men pulled their clothes back on. “The Sean male receives a 0 rating, the RolloT male can have, oh, let’s say a 2, and the JewWario male receives a 6 at this point.” This was later revised to a 3 when Insano spotted JewWario stroking the PsychoNeko’s pussy until she screamed out his name so loudly, a flock of birds took flight in fear. He also spotted Benzaie, dressed in a grey hoodie, thrusting into the Nostalgia Chick while she screamed out Todd’s name.
“Tesla, that one seems to have had an extreme reaction to the powder,” Insano muttered as he recorded the Chick’s score of 0, and changed Benzaie’s to 2. “I probably should have run a few trials on its effects.”
Nine minutes later and the bedroom found itself occupied by two of the younger producers, whom Insano identified as Film Brain and Luke. Instead of tearing each other’s clothes off and diving under the covers, these two seemed content with sitting on the bed and talking.
“So, uh, it’s getting pretty weird down there, huh?” Luke said. He seemed to fidget quite a lot as he spoke, twirling several of his curls around one finger and tapping his foot against the floor like he was a human metronome.
“Y-yes, it does seem rather mad,” Film Brain replied with a nod that caused his bangs to bounce.
“Yeah, it’s crazy.” Luke rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath before blurting out, “S-so… whatdoyouthinkifwetrythat?” Film Brain blinked twice and smiled in polite confusion.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I just… I really like you,” Luke said, his cheeks slowly growing crimson with each word. “I’ve known I liked guys for a long time now, more than how I’d like girls, but when I met you, Film Brain… I never liked anyone as much as I like you.” He paused to swallow then, and clenched his hands into fists. “Would you ever even think about being with someone like me?” Luke closed his eyes then and seemed to brace himself for an inevitable rejection, but Film Brain reached out to unclench one hand before running his fingers along the back.
“I’ve actually thought about it quite a lot, Luke. I thought you’d noticed, once my animosity for you vanished and I realized what an amazing person you are. I would be honored to go out with someone like you.” Film Brain smiled as he watched Luke’s face light up.
“I can’t believe it was this easy.” Film Brain looked like he had a response, but Luke grabbed him them and kissed him passionately enough to make the Brit almost go limp in his arms. When Luke tried to move so they would be lying on the bed, however, Film Brain tensed and pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” Luke asked, his arousal clearly showing amidst his confusion. “I thought you said… am I going too fast?”
“I’m sorry.” Film Brain lowered his gaze so he spoke to the carpet. “I do like you, Luke, and I want to be with you, but… I just don’t… enjoy sex.”
“You-what?” Luke sat back up and stared at the other man with an expression of intense perplexion. “You don’t like sex?” Luke’s face fell and looked down at his hands. “Oh my God, you hate me.”
“No! No, I don’t!” Film Brain said quickly.
“I pushed too hard, too fast!”
“No, it’s not you! I just don’t have any desire to have sex with anyone!” Film Brain almost shouted before his face turned bright red.
“Why are you saying that?” Luke asked, looking genuinely hurt. “Are you trying to spare my feelings? Just admit it, you’re not interested in me like that.”
“But it’s not just you,” Film Brain insisted before he closed his eyes and sighed. He looked utterly defeated for a moment before saying slowly, “All right, fine, you’ve caught me. I just said that because… because you were moving too fast.”
“I knew it.” Luke looked crestfallen.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t like you,” Film Brain said, taking Luke’s hand again. “Because I do. I‘d just like to take things slowly. Is that all right?”
The disappointment was very evident on Luke’s face but he nodded and curled his fingers around Film Brain’s palm.
“Yeah, that’s all right. Who needs to rush things anyway?”
“Thanks, Luke.” Film Brain hesitated before leaning in to brush their lips together. Luke’s expression dissolved into one of happiness and the two left the bedroom still holding hands.
“I’m not entirely sure of what to make of that,” Insano said as he wrote notes on this latest scene. “It seems both of them were able to resist the effects of the powder much more than I’d anticipated. Oh sure, that Luke male eventually gave in to its effects, and I will assign him a 4 for his efforts, but the other male seemed to have no sexual desire at all, and even claimed that this was a common occurrence.” Insano chewed on the end of his pencil while he tried to think of which ranking to give Film Brain. “I suppose he shall have to remain number-less until more evidence is acquired.
The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, and after observing a great number of producers, Insano felt he’d gathered as much information as he could from this group.
“This honestly is more difficult than I’d imagined.” Insano looked down at the scribbles and eraser-marked paper that constituted his notes and felt disheartened. “Every time I seem to get a proper ranking for one of them, they’re likely to engage in another act and completely change the results. Oh, can’t there be more consistency when it comes to sexuality?”
“Hey! You!” Insano looked down to discover the Other Guy standing underneath his tree with crossed arms and an unhappy look. “You’re the reason I came home to find my brother plowing RinryGameGame and Oancitizen at the same time, aren’t you?”
“Really?” Insano asked as he hurried to record this data. “While the female being a 0 and the other male a 6 doesn’t surprise me, I did expect the Critic to land a bit higher on the scale than the 3 position.”
“Hey, Guy, you’re looking delicious today.”
“Benzaie, get back in the house before I turn the hose on you.” Insano watched the Frenchman shrug before returning indoors and shook his head.
“That subject is truly determined to remain a solid 3, isn’t he?”
“Insano, get down here now and fix this!”
“All right, I’m coming.” Insano tucked his things away into his coat and climbed to the ground. “Oh, sitting on a tree branch for several hours really isn’t a wise decision,” he admitted while rubbing his sore behind. “My posterior has never felt so tender.”
“Well maybe I can do something to make you feel better.” Insano started when the Other Guy suddenly embraced him and pulled him in for a kiss.
“Hey! W-what are you doing?” Insano yelped as hands slipped under the top of his scrubs and trailed along his torso. “How l-long were you inside that house?”
“Long enough to realize that you are looking hot right now,” the Other Guy said in between kissing along Insano’s neck. Insano shuddered and squirmed under his touches, but also found he was enjoying them immensely. “Come over here and heal me, doctor,” the Other Guy continued as he scooped Insano into his arms and carried him over to the back porch. “Paging Dr. Sex. Dr. Sex is needed right away.”
“Ohhhh, he’s here,” Insano sighed as those hands slipped down the bottom of his scrubs. He was still a scientist, and this was just another part of his experiment, one that would need to be replicated many times before conclusive information could be garnered about his personal ranking. Judging from the Other Guy’s expression as he thrusted deeply into Insano while kissing along his neck and chest, he was also prepared to donate his time and body to the pursuit of science. Multiple times.