I'm Gonna Lube You Whether You Like It Or Not
A new kink meme fic for the prompt of Cinema Snob being an unhappy, ungracious bedmate to someone who's trying to be all sweet and kind to him, so of course I chose Phelous. The prompter also wanted the person to sort of angrily have sex with Snob, and I kind of did that, but then stopped and made it fluffy because I felt bad... and I love fluff. I hope it turned out well. I like it, at least.
The title comes from a Greatest Hits song from the album 'Songs of the Mechanic'. It doesn't totally apply, because Phelous does care if Snob likes it. <3
Cinema Snob didn’t know why he felt so out of sorts that night. Maybe it was because he’d just spent four hours trying to film a review only to find out a glitch in the camera had made the footage unusable. Maybe it was because he’d accidentally spilled bleach on his favorite jacket, rendering it unwearable. Whatever the reason, he found himself in a horrible mood that didn’t improve when Phelous came over for their weekly fuck session. In fact, Phelous’s presence just seemed to make things worse.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Snob snapped when he found himself wrapped in the taller man’s arms and being pulled toward his chest. “What are you, a five-year-old? Do I look like some sort of ragdoll or blanket for you to cuddle?” Phelous stopped his movements but continued to embrace Snob as he looked down at him, puzzled.
“What’s wrong? I thought you liked this.”
“Maybe after I’ve cum so fucking hard that I’ve lost most of my senses and don’t know what you’re trying to do to me,” Snob griped, squirming as he struggled to pull away. Damn Phelous’s freakish Canadian strength.
“Mmm, I don’t recall that being true the last time we got together,” Phelous said, while one hand traveled in slow circles around Snob’s neck, causing him to shudder involuntarily. “You seemed to like it when I held you then. You made this noise that was like a combination of a sigh and purr. You were really cute.” As he spoke, Phelous lowered his head enough to nibble on the back of Snob’s ear while his other hand stroked up and down his chest. Goosebumps quickly arose across his skin and Snob squirmed even more.
“No I didn’t and no I wasn’t!” he snapped, his face reddening from the memory, as well as from Phelous’s current actions. “And would you stop all this goddamn touching shit? If I wanted foreplay, I’d be with a fucking woman!”
Snob felt horrible the moment after he said that, but his bad mood was preventing him from apologizing to Phelous like he normally would. Instead, he kept his body tense as the taller man finally released his hold and shifted backwards a little.
“Fine. I’ll just get the fucking lube then, so we can get this over with.” Snob cringed when he heard the coldness in Phelous’s voice. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Fuck this whole night, seriously. “So, you said last time that I could top for once,” Phelous said when he’d fished the lube from the drawer of Snob’s bedside table. “I was trying to get you in the mood for that, but since you aren’t interested, just lie down and get ready.”
“Finally,” Snob said. “For someone who never talks in public, you sure can’t shut up when you’re with me.” No, damn it all, that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say! He’d wanted to apologize and mention that being in this position was actually making him nervous! But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, not even when Phelous roughly slathered him up with that cold as fucking ice lube.
Snob started blushing again, even worse than before, when he caught sight of his reflection in the television. It was his first time being the bottom in any sexual situation, and instead of feeling excited about it, he was irritated as hell for feeling so embarrassed, and scared of what it would feel like, which just made him more irritated. And now, there wasn’t even the option to talk to Phelous about it, since he’d taken Snob’s last complaint to heart and was silently lubing himself.
“Fuck,” Snob moaned, too softly to be heard. This was going to suck. He suddenly tensed when he felt Phelous starting to enter him. Snob couldn’t hold back his shudder, but instead of asking if he was all right, Phelous continued with his vow of silence and pushed until his cock was so deep inside that Snob was biting his lip to keep from screaming.
“F-fuck!” he couldn’t help crying out when Phelous started to thrust into him, gripping the sheets tightly as he struggled for control. It hurt, yes, but it also felt so damn good, especially when Phelous hit that one spot which made Snob’s back arch involuntarily. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and he unleashed a whimper that filled him with shame, because he knew it was entirely his fault that this was happening. Why did it have to hurt when it felt so good?
“Hey… Snob? Are you okay?” Snob opened his eyes when he realized the movements had ceased and that Phelous was actually sliding out of him.
“Why are you stopping?” Snob asked, bewildered. Phelous didn’t answer until he had moved into a position where he could see the other man’s face.
“It was hurting you,” he replied, as if this should be obvious. “Why didn’t you say it was hurting, Snob?” Snob looked down, shame flooding through him once again.
“Because I fucking deserved it. I was being a dick to you for no reason, so why shouldn’t you have some payback in the form of my aching asshole?” Snob was startled when Phelous pulled him into another hug.
“You’re such an idiot,” he said, sounding exasperated. “You’re a dick to everyone for no reason, so why feel bad about it now? I don’t care. I just don’t want to hurt you, Snob, and if that means always bottoming or listening to you bitch at me when I’ve done nothing to warrant it, well, that’s okay.”
“That’s okay?” Snob looked up at him, incredulous. “What the hell is wrong with you that you’d take that shit from me on a constant basis?” Phelous shrugged as a small smile crept upon his face.
“What can I say? I fell in love with an asshole.” Snob’s jaw fell open and his lips waggled like he wanted to talk but couldn’t find the words. Phelous didn’t seem to mind, and bent down to kiss him anyway. “Feeling better now?” he asked when he pulled away. Snob looked down as his face reddened once again.
“Can you… try it again? I think I’m used to it now, and it did feel sort-of good.”
“Whatever you say,” Phelous told him. Snob couldn’t help smiling back.
The title comes from a Greatest Hits song from the album 'Songs of the Mechanic'. It doesn't totally apply, because Phelous does care if Snob likes it. <3
Cinema Snob didn’t know why he felt so out of sorts that night. Maybe it was because he’d just spent four hours trying to film a review only to find out a glitch in the camera had made the footage unusable. Maybe it was because he’d accidentally spilled bleach on his favorite jacket, rendering it unwearable. Whatever the reason, he found himself in a horrible mood that didn’t improve when Phelous came over for their weekly fuck session. In fact, Phelous’s presence just seemed to make things worse.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Snob snapped when he found himself wrapped in the taller man’s arms and being pulled toward his chest. “What are you, a five-year-old? Do I look like some sort of ragdoll or blanket for you to cuddle?” Phelous stopped his movements but continued to embrace Snob as he looked down at him, puzzled.
“What’s wrong? I thought you liked this.”
“Maybe after I’ve cum so fucking hard that I’ve lost most of my senses and don’t know what you’re trying to do to me,” Snob griped, squirming as he struggled to pull away. Damn Phelous’s freakish Canadian strength.
“Mmm, I don’t recall that being true the last time we got together,” Phelous said, while one hand traveled in slow circles around Snob’s neck, causing him to shudder involuntarily. “You seemed to like it when I held you then. You made this noise that was like a combination of a sigh and purr. You were really cute.” As he spoke, Phelous lowered his head enough to nibble on the back of Snob’s ear while his other hand stroked up and down his chest. Goosebumps quickly arose across his skin and Snob squirmed even more.
“No I didn’t and no I wasn’t!” he snapped, his face reddening from the memory, as well as from Phelous’s current actions. “And would you stop all this goddamn touching shit? If I wanted foreplay, I’d be with a fucking woman!”
Snob felt horrible the moment after he said that, but his bad mood was preventing him from apologizing to Phelous like he normally would. Instead, he kept his body tense as the taller man finally released his hold and shifted backwards a little.
“Fine. I’ll just get the fucking lube then, so we can get this over with.” Snob cringed when he heard the coldness in Phelous’s voice. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Fuck this whole night, seriously. “So, you said last time that I could top for once,” Phelous said when he’d fished the lube from the drawer of Snob’s bedside table. “I was trying to get you in the mood for that, but since you aren’t interested, just lie down and get ready.”
“Finally,” Snob said. “For someone who never talks in public, you sure can’t shut up when you’re with me.” No, damn it all, that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say! He’d wanted to apologize and mention that being in this position was actually making him nervous! But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, not even when Phelous roughly slathered him up with that cold as fucking ice lube.
Snob started blushing again, even worse than before, when he caught sight of his reflection in the television. It was his first time being the bottom in any sexual situation, and instead of feeling excited about it, he was irritated as hell for feeling so embarrassed, and scared of what it would feel like, which just made him more irritated. And now, there wasn’t even the option to talk to Phelous about it, since he’d taken Snob’s last complaint to heart and was silently lubing himself.
“Fuck,” Snob moaned, too softly to be heard. This was going to suck. He suddenly tensed when he felt Phelous starting to enter him. Snob couldn’t hold back his shudder, but instead of asking if he was all right, Phelous continued with his vow of silence and pushed until his cock was so deep inside that Snob was biting his lip to keep from screaming.
“F-fuck!” he couldn’t help crying out when Phelous started to thrust into him, gripping the sheets tightly as he struggled for control. It hurt, yes, but it also felt so damn good, especially when Phelous hit that one spot which made Snob’s back arch involuntarily. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and he unleashed a whimper that filled him with shame, because he knew it was entirely his fault that this was happening. Why did it have to hurt when it felt so good?
“Hey… Snob? Are you okay?” Snob opened his eyes when he realized the movements had ceased and that Phelous was actually sliding out of him.
“Why are you stopping?” Snob asked, bewildered. Phelous didn’t answer until he had moved into a position where he could see the other man’s face.
“It was hurting you,” he replied, as if this should be obvious. “Why didn’t you say it was hurting, Snob?” Snob looked down, shame flooding through him once again.
“Because I fucking deserved it. I was being a dick to you for no reason, so why shouldn’t you have some payback in the form of my aching asshole?” Snob was startled when Phelous pulled him into another hug.
“You’re such an idiot,” he said, sounding exasperated. “You’re a dick to everyone for no reason, so why feel bad about it now? I don’t care. I just don’t want to hurt you, Snob, and if that means always bottoming or listening to you bitch at me when I’ve done nothing to warrant it, well, that’s okay.”
“That’s okay?” Snob looked up at him, incredulous. “What the hell is wrong with you that you’d take that shit from me on a constant basis?” Phelous shrugged as a small smile crept upon his face.
“What can I say? I fell in love with an asshole.” Snob’s jaw fell open and his lips waggled like he wanted to talk but couldn’t find the words. Phelous didn’t seem to mind, and bent down to kiss him anyway. “Feeling better now?” he asked when he pulled away. Snob looked down as his face reddened once again.
“Can you… try it again? I think I’m used to it now, and it did feel sort-of good.”
“Whatever you say,” Phelous told him. Snob couldn’t help smiling back.