[fic post] Diabolical Schemes with a Side of Romance
Title: Diabolical Schemes with a Side of Romance
Rating: R
Genre: Humor
Pairings or Characters: Kakashi/Sakura
Warnings: solo sex
Word Count: 1975
Summary: Kakashi's never fought a villain like this, and he has very little hope of winning.
Author Notes: For kakasaku's Poe challenge, round four. I was runner up for week three, but through crazy life happenings, a_lifestyle chose to drop out and I got bumped into week four of the Poe Challenge, so I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE, but I am, and for that, I'm very grateful to everyone who voted for me through this challenge. I literally would not be here without you. ;_; <3 Compared to the last three entries of mine, which were all pretty angsty, I've gone back to more light-hearted fare. Out of the two prompts, I chose An Ether of Sighs. I've read the poem Ulalume, but I'm sticking to the line rather than the general poem for my theme, because ENOUGH ANGST, ALREADY. Good luck to denilmo and pockyphoto this week!
Diabolical Schemes with a Side of Romance
Sakura could play innocent all she wanted, but Kakashi wasn't fooled.
She had to be doing this on purpose.
~
The whole mission was a joke. That should've tipped him off in the first place, but he'd given her the benefit of the doubt. (Future note to self, he thought now, If suspicious of Sakura, you are not being overly paranoid. Run away immediately.) The village they were being sent to was a five-days trip away, and even Tsunade had been hesitant to send anyone because the trip wasn't worth the mission-a minor thief problem, no real need for ninja, let alone elite ninja like Kakashi-until she saw the payment was some rare brand of sake. Kakashi still hadn't understood why she was assigning him until he saw Sakura on his way out of the Hokage tower.
"Kakashi, I'll be by your house at seven a.m. tomorrow."
"For what?"
"To make sure you head out on the mission."
He had stared at her, remembering something on the mission report that had mentioned her name, and narrowed his visible eye at her.
"You recommended me for this. And you got me on it because of your pull with Tsunade."
She had smiled, wide and unconcerned, and gave him a wink as she trotted off, calling over her shoulder, "Seven a.m., Kakashi!"
~
And that was how he ended up like this, on the road, stomping grumpily behind Sakura on their way to a village he had no need to be going to. Sakura had yet to reveal her masterful plan as to why she'd gotten them both stuck on this pointless mission, but Kakashi was convinced it was dastardly. You didn't wake people up before noon on a weekend and not have something vile up your sleeve.
Sakura was even humming. Clearly her plan was to drive Kakashi insane.
"Can you knock that off?" Kakashi grumbled.
"Hmm? Something I'm doing bothering you?" she asked, not even glancing back over her shoulder as she walked. Kakashi groaned and ran a hand over his face. If she wasn't even going to acknowledge what a pain she was being, he wasn't going to have much of a chance getting her to stop.
This was their second day traveling, and it was looking just as unbearable as the first. Sakura would pretend not to notice his misery and he would continue to wallow in it, but at least he could stand it during the day. He had a high tolerance for pain and annoyance, but he was dreading nighttime, when they would pull off the of the main road and camp for the night, because then it would happen.
He wasn't sure he'd be able to take another night of it, and they still had quite a ways to travel.
~
"Kakashi, are you sure--"
"You take the tent," Kakashi insisted, staring at the fire. He refused to look up, because then he'd have to deal with her pouting, and this was difficult enough as it was. Sakura kept offering to share, but he could barely handle being in the same clearing as her. Being in the same tent would probably ruin all chance he had at remaining sane, and so he was determined to sleep by the fire. The mission was so low-ranking that neither of them even bothered to worry about staying up for watch, although Kakashi hadn't gotten much sleep last night and didn't expect to get much more tonight, either.
"If you say so," she sighed at last, giving up.
Kakashi saw her shrug out of the corner of his eye as she started to zip up the tent.
"Sakura," he asked suddenly, stopping her from disappearing completely.
"What is it?"
"You're... going right to sleep... right?"
Kakashi finally turned his head towards the tent and saw green eyes sparkling amusedly at him, matched by a smug grin. He felt his stomach drop, because he recognized that face. That was the face of a diabolical villain.
"Of course," she nodded with a wink, zipping the tent door all the way closed and leaving Kakashi alone with nothing but his fear and the dark of the night.
~
Sakura wasn't striding several feet in front of him today like usual. Instead, she was right at his side, staring up at him and making his skin itch nervously. She wasn't saying anything, but at least she wasn't humming or singing-Kakashi had learned that she had the voice of a woman swallowing glass when trying to sing back when she was twelve, but every now and again he had the distinct displeasure of hearing her try even now, years later-and he appreciated the mercy.
But Sakura's gaze was harder to withstand for long periods of time than most tortures Kakashi had experienced, and he had a lot of experience with torture, and he found himself caving quickly.
"What is it?" he breathed.
"You look tired. I knew you wouldn't sleep well out of the tent. You should sleep with me tonight," she said casually, but she might as well have stabbed him in the ribs with the way he jerked and stumbled backwards. "Kakashi?" she asked in concern, tilting her head at him.
"You mean. In the tent. Sleep with you in the tent."
She blinked before smiling wide, eyes crinkling in mirth.
"Of course that's what I meant. Why, were you thinking of something else?"
Kakashi audibly gulped and shook his head, starting to walk again, this time at a much faster pace.
He was certain of it now. She was actively trying to kill him, and on this trip, there would be no witnesses.
~
On the third night, Kakashi tried to delay the inevitable as best he could.
"So why are we on this mission anyway?" he asked, poking his chopsticks into his rice. He wasn't really hungry, too terrified to think about eating. If he had to suffer, he at least deserved to know what she was plotting. Wasn't that the thing with bad guys, anyway? They always loved divulging their genius scheme before actually doing away with the hero.
"Hmm?" Sakura mumbled, chewing a large bite of her chicken. She didn't look very diabolical across the flames-one might even say she looked quite pretty, ignoring the chipmunk cheeks from her large mouthful of food-but Kakashi knew better.
"I mean, you're the Hokage's apprentice. I'm sure there's stuff you'd rather be doing."
"You think being buried in paperwork and working double time between the Hokage office and the hospital is something I want to do?" she laughed through another chopstick-ful of food.
"So instead you want to waste your time walking for nearly a week to a place where there probably won't be any sign of the thief by now and getting paid in sake we can't even drink?" Kakashi asked, eyebrows furrowing. He didn't bring up what went on at night, but he feared mentioning it would make it happen, and he really, truly did not want it to.
"Kakashi, compared to my usual workload, this is heaven. I'm considering this a personal vacation."
"Even with all the walking in the middle of nowhere?"
She used to hate traveling for days with no showering. He remembered being threatened with beatings when she was fifteen if they didn't stop at a place where she could bathe, and he consented for fear of having every bone in his body broken messily.
"I like stretching my legs," she shrugged, finishing the last bite of her meal. She dropped her dishes into her bag and stood up, stretching slowly. He tried to keep his eye off of her stomach as her shirt lifted up, but it was a losing battle. If she caught him, she didn't say anything, simply smiling lightly as she walked around the fire and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Now c'mon, Kakashi. Bed time."
"Look, uh, you can take the tent again tonight. I'll be fine," he mumbled, using all of his strength to stay seated. If Sakura wanted, she could lift him with two fingers, but she let him go and folded her arms across her chest.
"If you still look exhausted tomorrow, I am making you sleep in that tent," she warned, and he nodded, knowing he had only put off his terrible fate for one more night. She sighed and dropped her arms to her sides, leaving him be with his still uneaten rice as she crawled into the tent to begin his nightly torture.
~
"That's it. As medic, I am demanding that you sleep in that tent. You're like a zombie, Kakashi, and you are ruining my vacation."
Kakashi groaned, drained and exhausted, and accepted his fate like a man choosing between getting beheaded and being pushed off a cliff. In all his years and of all the evil men he had fought, Sakura was by far the worst, and he had no chance of winning.
~
He had thought it was terrible when he was outside the tent, just listening to her as she tortured him. Being in the tent was a thousand times worse, and she hadn't even done anything yet.
"Kakashi? Are you asleep?" Sakura asked, and Kakashi flinched hard, but he kept his breathing quiet and pretended to be asleep, already rolled on his side and facing the wall of the tent. He was pretty good at playing dead, and Sakura appeared to fall for it, because soon he heard a rustling of cloth as she adjusted in her sleeping bag, and he knew.
The end was nigh.
It started slow, with just the sound of cloth moving in time with her hands, but then she was breathing, hard and unrestrained, and he felt heaven and hell wrapping around him and squeezing him tight. He started to picture it, as hard as he tried to think of something, anything else, and soon he could see fingers, small and feminine but rough and well-worn, working their way against her sex, pressing into heat and touching just the right spot. Every time he imagined her thumb brushing against her clit, she'd suck in a breath or let out a broken gasp, and soon he was breathing just as hard as she was as he rubbed the heel of his palm down on his straining erection.
And then, then, like the evil, dastardly, scheming villain she was, she broke him in two with a quiet moan of his name.
The sound of it swallowed him whole and for a moment he couldn't hear anything but his name rolling off of her lips, desperate and wanting. He squeezed his eyes shut, writing a will in his head that no one would ever read, before rolling out of his sleeping bag and landing above her, held up by his elbows. She froze, face visibly pink, even in the darkness, but quickly began to smile, still breathing hard as her hand rustled under the fabric of her sleeping bag.
"Stop," he choked, trying to ignore the demand coming from the lower half of his body to press his waist down and roll against her hips.
"But Kakashi," she whispered, sounding breathy and smug, fingers still moving where Kakashi couldn't see, "if I stop, how will I finish? You wouldn't leave me like this, would you?"
"No, I wouldn't," he groaned, reaching up and pulling down the flap of her sleeping bag, only to find her naked beneath him.
"Oh, you really are a vile, terrible villain," he hissed, and she pushed up on her elbows to kiss him.
"I know," she laughed against his lips, and he wanted to fight it, but he was already lost. He had been since the first time her sighs enveloped him, calling his name and sounding like heaven.
Rating: R
Genre: Humor
Pairings or Characters: Kakashi/Sakura
Warnings: solo sex
Word Count: 1975
Summary: Kakashi's never fought a villain like this, and he has very little hope of winning.
Author Notes: For kakasaku's Poe challenge, round four. I was runner up for week three, but through crazy life happenings, a_lifestyle chose to drop out and I got bumped into week four of the Poe Challenge, so I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE, but I am, and for that, I'm very grateful to everyone who voted for me through this challenge. I literally would not be here without you. ;_; <3 Compared to the last three entries of mine, which were all pretty angsty, I've gone back to more light-hearted fare. Out of the two prompts, I chose An Ether of Sighs. I've read the poem Ulalume, but I'm sticking to the line rather than the general poem for my theme, because ENOUGH ANGST, ALREADY. Good luck to denilmo and pockyphoto this week!
Diabolical Schemes with a Side of Romance
Sakura could play innocent all she wanted, but Kakashi wasn't fooled.
She had to be doing this on purpose.
~
The whole mission was a joke. That should've tipped him off in the first place, but he'd given her the benefit of the doubt. (Future note to self, he thought now, If suspicious of Sakura, you are not being overly paranoid. Run away immediately.) The village they were being sent to was a five-days trip away, and even Tsunade had been hesitant to send anyone because the trip wasn't worth the mission-a minor thief problem, no real need for ninja, let alone elite ninja like Kakashi-until she saw the payment was some rare brand of sake. Kakashi still hadn't understood why she was assigning him until he saw Sakura on his way out of the Hokage tower.
"Kakashi, I'll be by your house at seven a.m. tomorrow."
"For what?"
"To make sure you head out on the mission."
He had stared at her, remembering something on the mission report that had mentioned her name, and narrowed his visible eye at her.
"You recommended me for this. And you got me on it because of your pull with Tsunade."
She had smiled, wide and unconcerned, and gave him a wink as she trotted off, calling over her shoulder, "Seven a.m., Kakashi!"
~
And that was how he ended up like this, on the road, stomping grumpily behind Sakura on their way to a village he had no need to be going to. Sakura had yet to reveal her masterful plan as to why she'd gotten them both stuck on this pointless mission, but Kakashi was convinced it was dastardly. You didn't wake people up before noon on a weekend and not have something vile up your sleeve.
Sakura was even humming. Clearly her plan was to drive Kakashi insane.
"Can you knock that off?" Kakashi grumbled.
"Hmm? Something I'm doing bothering you?" she asked, not even glancing back over her shoulder as she walked. Kakashi groaned and ran a hand over his face. If she wasn't even going to acknowledge what a pain she was being, he wasn't going to have much of a chance getting her to stop.
This was their second day traveling, and it was looking just as unbearable as the first. Sakura would pretend not to notice his misery and he would continue to wallow in it, but at least he could stand it during the day. He had a high tolerance for pain and annoyance, but he was dreading nighttime, when they would pull off the of the main road and camp for the night, because then it would happen.
He wasn't sure he'd be able to take another night of it, and they still had quite a ways to travel.
~
"Kakashi, are you sure--"
"You take the tent," Kakashi insisted, staring at the fire. He refused to look up, because then he'd have to deal with her pouting, and this was difficult enough as it was. Sakura kept offering to share, but he could barely handle being in the same clearing as her. Being in the same tent would probably ruin all chance he had at remaining sane, and so he was determined to sleep by the fire. The mission was so low-ranking that neither of them even bothered to worry about staying up for watch, although Kakashi hadn't gotten much sleep last night and didn't expect to get much more tonight, either.
"If you say so," she sighed at last, giving up.
Kakashi saw her shrug out of the corner of his eye as she started to zip up the tent.
"Sakura," he asked suddenly, stopping her from disappearing completely.
"What is it?"
"You're... going right to sleep... right?"
Kakashi finally turned his head towards the tent and saw green eyes sparkling amusedly at him, matched by a smug grin. He felt his stomach drop, because he recognized that face. That was the face of a diabolical villain.
"Of course," she nodded with a wink, zipping the tent door all the way closed and leaving Kakashi alone with nothing but his fear and the dark of the night.
~
Sakura wasn't striding several feet in front of him today like usual. Instead, she was right at his side, staring up at him and making his skin itch nervously. She wasn't saying anything, but at least she wasn't humming or singing-Kakashi had learned that she had the voice of a woman swallowing glass when trying to sing back when she was twelve, but every now and again he had the distinct displeasure of hearing her try even now, years later-and he appreciated the mercy.
But Sakura's gaze was harder to withstand for long periods of time than most tortures Kakashi had experienced, and he had a lot of experience with torture, and he found himself caving quickly.
"What is it?" he breathed.
"You look tired. I knew you wouldn't sleep well out of the tent. You should sleep with me tonight," she said casually, but she might as well have stabbed him in the ribs with the way he jerked and stumbled backwards. "Kakashi?" she asked in concern, tilting her head at him.
"You mean. In the tent. Sleep with you in the tent."
She blinked before smiling wide, eyes crinkling in mirth.
"Of course that's what I meant. Why, were you thinking of something else?"
Kakashi audibly gulped and shook his head, starting to walk again, this time at a much faster pace.
He was certain of it now. She was actively trying to kill him, and on this trip, there would be no witnesses.
~
On the third night, Kakashi tried to delay the inevitable as best he could.
"So why are we on this mission anyway?" he asked, poking his chopsticks into his rice. He wasn't really hungry, too terrified to think about eating. If he had to suffer, he at least deserved to know what she was plotting. Wasn't that the thing with bad guys, anyway? They always loved divulging their genius scheme before actually doing away with the hero.
"Hmm?" Sakura mumbled, chewing a large bite of her chicken. She didn't look very diabolical across the flames-one might even say she looked quite pretty, ignoring the chipmunk cheeks from her large mouthful of food-but Kakashi knew better.
"I mean, you're the Hokage's apprentice. I'm sure there's stuff you'd rather be doing."
"You think being buried in paperwork and working double time between the Hokage office and the hospital is something I want to do?" she laughed through another chopstick-ful of food.
"So instead you want to waste your time walking for nearly a week to a place where there probably won't be any sign of the thief by now and getting paid in sake we can't even drink?" Kakashi asked, eyebrows furrowing. He didn't bring up what went on at night, but he feared mentioning it would make it happen, and he really, truly did not want it to.
"Kakashi, compared to my usual workload, this is heaven. I'm considering this a personal vacation."
"Even with all the walking in the middle of nowhere?"
She used to hate traveling for days with no showering. He remembered being threatened with beatings when she was fifteen if they didn't stop at a place where she could bathe, and he consented for fear of having every bone in his body broken messily.
"I like stretching my legs," she shrugged, finishing the last bite of her meal. She dropped her dishes into her bag and stood up, stretching slowly. He tried to keep his eye off of her stomach as her shirt lifted up, but it was a losing battle. If she caught him, she didn't say anything, simply smiling lightly as she walked around the fire and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Now c'mon, Kakashi. Bed time."
"Look, uh, you can take the tent again tonight. I'll be fine," he mumbled, using all of his strength to stay seated. If Sakura wanted, she could lift him with two fingers, but she let him go and folded her arms across her chest.
"If you still look exhausted tomorrow, I am making you sleep in that tent," she warned, and he nodded, knowing he had only put off his terrible fate for one more night. She sighed and dropped her arms to her sides, leaving him be with his still uneaten rice as she crawled into the tent to begin his nightly torture.
~
"That's it. As medic, I am demanding that you sleep in that tent. You're like a zombie, Kakashi, and you are ruining my vacation."
Kakashi groaned, drained and exhausted, and accepted his fate like a man choosing between getting beheaded and being pushed off a cliff. In all his years and of all the evil men he had fought, Sakura was by far the worst, and he had no chance of winning.
~
He had thought it was terrible when he was outside the tent, just listening to her as she tortured him. Being in the tent was a thousand times worse, and she hadn't even done anything yet.
"Kakashi? Are you asleep?" Sakura asked, and Kakashi flinched hard, but he kept his breathing quiet and pretended to be asleep, already rolled on his side and facing the wall of the tent. He was pretty good at playing dead, and Sakura appeared to fall for it, because soon he heard a rustling of cloth as she adjusted in her sleeping bag, and he knew.
The end was nigh.
It started slow, with just the sound of cloth moving in time with her hands, but then she was breathing, hard and unrestrained, and he felt heaven and hell wrapping around him and squeezing him tight. He started to picture it, as hard as he tried to think of something, anything else, and soon he could see fingers, small and feminine but rough and well-worn, working their way against her sex, pressing into heat and touching just the right spot. Every time he imagined her thumb brushing against her clit, she'd suck in a breath or let out a broken gasp, and soon he was breathing just as hard as she was as he rubbed the heel of his palm down on his straining erection.
And then, then, like the evil, dastardly, scheming villain she was, she broke him in two with a quiet moan of his name.
The sound of it swallowed him whole and for a moment he couldn't hear anything but his name rolling off of her lips, desperate and wanting. He squeezed his eyes shut, writing a will in his head that no one would ever read, before rolling out of his sleeping bag and landing above her, held up by his elbows. She froze, face visibly pink, even in the darkness, but quickly began to smile, still breathing hard as her hand rustled under the fabric of her sleeping bag.
"Stop," he choked, trying to ignore the demand coming from the lower half of his body to press his waist down and roll against her hips.
"But Kakashi," she whispered, sounding breathy and smug, fingers still moving where Kakashi couldn't see, "if I stop, how will I finish? You wouldn't leave me like this, would you?"
"No, I wouldn't," he groaned, reaching up and pulling down the flap of her sleeping bag, only to find her naked beneath him.
"Oh, you really are a vile, terrible villain," he hissed, and she pushed up on her elbows to kiss him.
"I know," she laughed against his lips, and he wanted to fight it, but he was already lost. He had been since the first time her sighs enveloped him, calling his name and sounding like heaven.