(no subject)
So I've reached Singapore, and I am melting, as expected.
The flight back was decent. Normally I don't get any sleep, but I slept a little too much, this time. From NCL to Dubai, I had a lovely Geordie gentleman sitting beside me, and he was so friendly and chatty and getting progressively tipsier with every successive drink, but that was okay because I managed to understand him anyways (Yay for newly developed linguistic skillz!). He's in the same industry as my father, and has a little girl whom he raises alone because his wife left him, and he loves her so much! You could just tell from how he talks about her, and it kinda won me over. He was a big guy, actually. A little scary, when he first walked in. But such a lovely person, I had a great time chatting with him, when I wasn't passed out.
The flight from Dubai to Singapore was fine too. Slept through it pretty much the whole way, but despite it being a bigger aeroplane than the first one, my seat was smaller, and I had a horrible sleeping posture. The guy next to me, another sweetheart, put a pillow on his shoulder and told me to just go ahead and kip there. I was too sleepy to resist at the time, and just went right ahead, but when I woke up it struck me how very kind he'd been. He hadn't needed to do any such thing, and he'd still let me have a few solid hours of rest. It was really very nice of him. He was on his way to Penang from Prague for work, and he told me about his backpacking adventures in Asia when he was younger, and about his family and his kids and his work, and about what to do in Prague.
I came to the conclusion that in RL, I have three rock solid kinks when it comes to men. 1. I like older men. There is some sort of innate appeal in the idea that he's seen more of the world than I have, and isn't quite as chipper and naive as younger men, because I'm not very chipper, and I'm not sure, but I don't think I'm very naive either. It's important that they don't expect me to be as... Idk. Enthusiastic? Open? Bubbly? Idk. As *young*, I guess, as other women my age. I'm not young. I've never been young. I don't trust easily, I don't see the best in people, I'm cynical. I guess my chances of finding someone who can accept that increase with age.
2. I like men who like children in the non-paedophilic way. I mean. Family men, even if we never have a family. There is something charming, and heart-warming when I see a man taking care of a child with care, and tenderness. Same goes for pets, actually. Men who aren't afraid to cuddle their pets and take care of them; that gentleness is what wins me over. I want a gentle-man in the true sense of the word, not the modern one. Idk idk.
3. CdS says that she wants a man who will go out and protect her, and provide for her even if she can provide for herself. She wants a manly man who can draw a line that she can't cross. Idk. I think that if a man tried to tell me what to do, I'd become immediately disenchanted with them, and it would be the end of it. She said that he'd have to be the one who went out and defended their kids from bullies, while she told him it was a bad idea. I told her that I would be the one to do it myself, and if anything, he'd be my back up to help me drive the get-away car and hide the body. Something about equality. Can't quite articulate the point well, atm. I blame jetlag.
I don't quite know what brought this on, but with LS and Ed getting together and being all lovey dovey and all that. Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed for her, and I wouldn't take it from her for all the gold in the world, because she's an absolutely lovely person and she deserves it. But I can't help but wonder when I'll find that. *If* I'll ever find that, be it a man or a woman.
I passed with a high 2.2 average in the first year, which is brilliant but disappointing at the same time. I wish I'd had just a couple of more marks, and then I'd have been happy, because it'd be a 2.1. But. Oh well. Work harder/smarter next year, I guess. My point was, now that the nightmares about results are gone, I've started having my recurring dreams again. The swimming/bridge one, and the one about being a boy and kissing a boy after having a fight with my family. But there's a new one, which has already happened a couple of times now.
It basically involves me being the little spoon, under a duvet, and it's chilly outside but I'm feeling wonderfully toasty, and ze is behind me, little bit bigger and taller than me, nose buried in my hair and lips on the nape of my neck, just kissing me. Zir arm is around my waist, pulling me closer to zir body, tucking me under and tangling our legs, and just enveloping me completely. When it started out, I thought it was one of those dreams where you turn around and you're being cradled by a monster, but I didn't turn around. The room stayed dim, and quiet, and the curtains filtered out most of the light, and I just melting into zir arms. My fingers tangled with zir fingers on my belly and ze would kiss my neck and my shoulders and my hair. I'd let down my hair for zem. I sleep with my hair tied because it's a mess when I wake up, and if it obstructs my vision after a bad dream, I panic. And I'd let it down. It's a very detailed dream. A very happy dream. I'm not alone in it, even though I don't know who it is I am with.
Ugh. Possibly hormones. Possibly insecurity. Possibly sleep deprivation. Possibly all three? Idk. Can't wait for them to stop. As happy as they make me, I'm always vaguely sad when I wake up.
On a more cheery note, met my dad for a little bit before he had to fly off again. It was a shame, actually, but better than nothing because he'd delayed his flight enough as it was. So. Something's better than nothing? Everyone was excited to see me, and I seem to have fallen right back into place. I needn't have worried about the awkwardness my friends were talking about. There is no awkwardness in my family. Of that I am both glad, and proud. And relieved. The idea that I won't fit in to my home after being away for a couple of months is horrifying.
New laptop = yay!
Transfering from old laptop to new laptop =/= yay.
(#First world problems?)
I'm glad though. It's much faster than my current one. I love this one, but I think I need something a little bit snappier. Laptop, darling, you have served me well. *cuddles* but it's time for me to move on.
Yeah. So. Nothing much else, except the heat. Meurgh.
More about my adventures with the moving people, later!
xxx
The flight back was decent. Normally I don't get any sleep, but I slept a little too much, this time. From NCL to Dubai, I had a lovely Geordie gentleman sitting beside me, and he was so friendly and chatty and getting progressively tipsier with every successive drink, but that was okay because I managed to understand him anyways (Yay for newly developed linguistic skillz!). He's in the same industry as my father, and has a little girl whom he raises alone because his wife left him, and he loves her so much! You could just tell from how he talks about her, and it kinda won me over. He was a big guy, actually. A little scary, when he first walked in. But such a lovely person, I had a great time chatting with him, when I wasn't passed out.
The flight from Dubai to Singapore was fine too. Slept through it pretty much the whole way, but despite it being a bigger aeroplane than the first one, my seat was smaller, and I had a horrible sleeping posture. The guy next to me, another sweetheart, put a pillow on his shoulder and told me to just go ahead and kip there. I was too sleepy to resist at the time, and just went right ahead, but when I woke up it struck me how very kind he'd been. He hadn't needed to do any such thing, and he'd still let me have a few solid hours of rest. It was really very nice of him. He was on his way to Penang from Prague for work, and he told me about his backpacking adventures in Asia when he was younger, and about his family and his kids and his work, and about what to do in Prague.
I came to the conclusion that in RL, I have three rock solid kinks when it comes to men. 1. I like older men. There is some sort of innate appeal in the idea that he's seen more of the world than I have, and isn't quite as chipper and naive as younger men, because I'm not very chipper, and I'm not sure, but I don't think I'm very naive either. It's important that they don't expect me to be as... Idk. Enthusiastic? Open? Bubbly? Idk. As *young*, I guess, as other women my age. I'm not young. I've never been young. I don't trust easily, I don't see the best in people, I'm cynical. I guess my chances of finding someone who can accept that increase with age.
2. I like men who like children in the non-paedophilic way. I mean. Family men, even if we never have a family. There is something charming, and heart-warming when I see a man taking care of a child with care, and tenderness. Same goes for pets, actually. Men who aren't afraid to cuddle their pets and take care of them; that gentleness is what wins me over. I want a gentle-man in the true sense of the word, not the modern one. Idk idk.
3. CdS says that she wants a man who will go out and protect her, and provide for her even if she can provide for herself. She wants a manly man who can draw a line that she can't cross. Idk. I think that if a man tried to tell me what to do, I'd become immediately disenchanted with them, and it would be the end of it. She said that he'd have to be the one who went out and defended their kids from bullies, while she told him it was a bad idea. I told her that I would be the one to do it myself, and if anything, he'd be my back up to help me drive the get-away car and hide the body. Something about equality. Can't quite articulate the point well, atm. I blame jetlag.
I don't quite know what brought this on, but with LS and Ed getting together and being all lovey dovey and all that. Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed for her, and I wouldn't take it from her for all the gold in the world, because she's an absolutely lovely person and she deserves it. But I can't help but wonder when I'll find that. *If* I'll ever find that, be it a man or a woman.
I passed with a high 2.2 average in the first year, which is brilliant but disappointing at the same time. I wish I'd had just a couple of more marks, and then I'd have been happy, because it'd be a 2.1. But. Oh well. Work harder/smarter next year, I guess. My point was, now that the nightmares about results are gone, I've started having my recurring dreams again. The swimming/bridge one, and the one about being a boy and kissing a boy after having a fight with my family. But there's a new one, which has already happened a couple of times now.
It basically involves me being the little spoon, under a duvet, and it's chilly outside but I'm feeling wonderfully toasty, and ze is behind me, little bit bigger and taller than me, nose buried in my hair and lips on the nape of my neck, just kissing me. Zir arm is around my waist, pulling me closer to zir body, tucking me under and tangling our legs, and just enveloping me completely. When it started out, I thought it was one of those dreams where you turn around and you're being cradled by a monster, but I didn't turn around. The room stayed dim, and quiet, and the curtains filtered out most of the light, and I just melting into zir arms. My fingers tangled with zir fingers on my belly and ze would kiss my neck and my shoulders and my hair. I'd let down my hair for zem. I sleep with my hair tied because it's a mess when I wake up, and if it obstructs my vision after a bad dream, I panic. And I'd let it down. It's a very detailed dream. A very happy dream. I'm not alone in it, even though I don't know who it is I am with.
Ugh. Possibly hormones. Possibly insecurity. Possibly sleep deprivation. Possibly all three? Idk. Can't wait for them to stop. As happy as they make me, I'm always vaguely sad when I wake up.
On a more cheery note, met my dad for a little bit before he had to fly off again. It was a shame, actually, but better than nothing because he'd delayed his flight enough as it was. So. Something's better than nothing? Everyone was excited to see me, and I seem to have fallen right back into place. I needn't have worried about the awkwardness my friends were talking about. There is no awkwardness in my family. Of that I am both glad, and proud. And relieved. The idea that I won't fit in to my home after being away for a couple of months is horrifying.
New laptop = yay!
Transfering from old laptop to new laptop =/= yay.
(#First world problems?)
I'm glad though. It's much faster than my current one. I love this one, but I think I need something a little bit snappier. Laptop, darling, you have served me well. *cuddles* but it's time for me to move on.
Yeah. So. Nothing much else, except the heat. Meurgh.
More about my adventures with the moving people, later!
xxx