HAvEn’t YOu EvER DAteD ANyonE?
The problem with loving someone, no matter how small or brief, is that once the bond of love is made the individual then becomes part of you. Their memory merges with your being and as such the person never truly go away - their memory just fades into the background only to periodically resurface at the most inopportune times. Driving down a familiar road, a work meeting, a supermarket, or on the way to a social event - it takes only a breeze, tantalizing scent, or familiar restaurant to recall the deluge of memories that marked the relationship and bring back the longing despair associated with their departure. That seems to be the trend of the past few weeks, months, years as this town is littered with landmarks that stand as reminders to old relationships.
The memories in question are marked by a collage of both ex-girlfriends and potential girlfriends, each one taking part in the rotating rolodex of memories: regrets, doubt and endless ‘what-if’ scenarios. By definition, nostalgia has a way of reflecting on the best parts of the past while conveniently forgetting the worst. My memories seem to take nostalgia to the highest level, capturing the best of the relationship while striking out the worst. Even the most trivial of memories are elevated to the highest level of euphoria - presenting the false narrative that things were so much better than they were….or maybe they were that good and it’s simply a case of ‘not realizing what you have until it’s gone’, who really knows. Even the worst relationships have their isolated moments of bliss and regardless of what came before or after it’s difficult to not yearn for that moment when you two were both happy - wanting to revisit that night at amusement park, the trip in downtown New York, playing gauntlet, or float down the river, the concert in the park, the festival in DC, or that poker game that we discussed but never did
It’s all very confusing. Each one of the past girlfriends represents a memory of what could have been, what should have been, what I would want to have been - a vision so magnificent that it can only be surpassed by the memories of the next girlfriend - and so the rolodex continues until it’s back at the beginning. Needless to say this destructive behavior can’t continue on forever as the constant longing for what was constantly eats away at the present. “You need to let them go”- true, absolutely, but it’s difficult to forget someone you once cared deeply about, to just walk away and allow the memory to fade off into the distance is not an easy thing to do. It’s difficult to forget the blissful moments, the instances where we both were happy, where we were content with each other before something happened and one of us became uncontent.
I was at a party where someone immediately jumped from the table exclaiming, “My God. My ex just sent me a message - I haven’t talked to them in years, I can’t believe this.” I smiled, I was delighted at the idea of a once diminished connection reigniting. I thought about the person on the other end of the phone and the courage it must have took to send that message after years apart.
Before I could even respond /ATB slapped her hand down on the table and responded, “Honey! There is only one response for that and it is: “New phone, who dis?”’ The party roared with laughter as each member took the message to heart - briefly reminiscing about past ex’s they would most like to forget. That is, everyone but me of course. I glanced back at /ATB and shot a look of a disapproval, commenting “Isn’t that a little harsh? I mean, maybe see what the ex wants - it might be nice to reconnect.”
She immediately fired back, “Jesus [ObLiVioN], haven’t you ever dated anyone? You always seem so shocked by the things I say. This is how the world works!” she briefly paused and turned to the man who got the message from ex, “Tell your ex you’re better off without their lazy ass. Honey, tell them they are barking up the wrong tree!”
The memories in question are marked by a collage of both ex-girlfriends and potential girlfriends, each one taking part in the rotating rolodex of memories: regrets, doubt and endless ‘what-if’ scenarios. By definition, nostalgia has a way of reflecting on the best parts of the past while conveniently forgetting the worst. My memories seem to take nostalgia to the highest level, capturing the best of the relationship while striking out the worst. Even the most trivial of memories are elevated to the highest level of euphoria - presenting the false narrative that things were so much better than they were….or maybe they were that good and it’s simply a case of ‘not realizing what you have until it’s gone’, who really knows. Even the worst relationships have their isolated moments of bliss and regardless of what came before or after it’s difficult to not yearn for that moment when you two were both happy - wanting to revisit that night at amusement park, the trip in downtown New York, playing gauntlet, or float down the river, the concert in the park, the festival in DC, or that poker game that we discussed but never did
It’s all very confusing. Each one of the past girlfriends represents a memory of what could have been, what should have been, what I would want to have been - a vision so magnificent that it can only be surpassed by the memories of the next girlfriend - and so the rolodex continues until it’s back at the beginning. Needless to say this destructive behavior can’t continue on forever as the constant longing for what was constantly eats away at the present. “You need to let them go”- true, absolutely, but it’s difficult to forget someone you once cared deeply about, to just walk away and allow the memory to fade off into the distance is not an easy thing to do. It’s difficult to forget the blissful moments, the instances where we both were happy, where we were content with each other before something happened and one of us became uncontent.
I was at a party where someone immediately jumped from the table exclaiming, “My God. My ex just sent me a message - I haven’t talked to them in years, I can’t believe this.” I smiled, I was delighted at the idea of a once diminished connection reigniting. I thought about the person on the other end of the phone and the courage it must have took to send that message after years apart.
Before I could even respond /ATB slapped her hand down on the table and responded, “Honey! There is only one response for that and it is: “New phone, who dis?”’ The party roared with laughter as each member took the message to heart - briefly reminiscing about past ex’s they would most like to forget. That is, everyone but me of course. I glanced back at /ATB and shot a look of a disapproval, commenting “Isn’t that a little harsh? I mean, maybe see what the ex wants - it might be nice to reconnect.”
She immediately fired back, “Jesus [ObLiVioN], haven’t you ever dated anyone? You always seem so shocked by the things I say. This is how the world works!” she briefly paused and turned to the man who got the message from ex, “Tell your ex you’re better off without their lazy ass. Honey, tell them they are barking up the wrong tree!”