days
Days and Days and Days/
I had a weird dream and Tisa was in it... and it was like the begining... part one of a dream I had a long time ago, but never knew what had started the journey of that dream. But my dream last night was the one that began it all.. but it was the first time having that dream. So bizarre.
I have a cold. And all my body parts are stiff. Well they have been for the past few days I cant walk correctly and soon the ache stiffness and pain reached my arms.
Then last night I started howling... crying so loud. My mom never came in but I am not sure how she didnt hear me as I belt out tears as though that was my last cry ever. And I wept and wept and wept for close to three hours. I wanted to talk with Chris to calm myself down, but it was 8 am his time and he didnt pick up/ I finally passed out with snot and tears all over me.
I woke up this morning.. and my body is less stiff. I am not sure if it was a coincedence.
I made a HEALTHY ME CALENDAR and it is a huge desk calendar that is ONLY for my daily health routine. I wanted to start a chart to remind me what I need to do.. what I think I need to do, to be healthy... physical and mental. SO some days I have to do puja, and some days I have to do breathing excericises. And some days I have to walk, and some days I have to do 100 toe touches. When I start my job I will be riding my bike everyday, well m-fr. So I didnt include that movement.. but I will make sure I floss every other day. And of course brush my teeth twice a day.. which I dont forget to do.. but I included it all.. even the stuff I do naturally... like bathe. So I will eat a handful of seeds one day then a handful of almonds the next and the next seeds and so on. And every other day I will put my fancy expensive face mask on. And once a week a fancy hair mask. And I have to journal here once a week. Usually would be Saturdays but the computer is in teh shoppe and I have to go to library to check email. SO I am writing it today. And I have to drink min two cups of tea and drink min 3 glasses of water a day/ and make min 2 art projects a month and a min of 2 books a month.... and tke certain vitamins certain days... I am too old to remember this all on my own.. hence the calendar. Old meaning... neurotic... and forgetful.
so that covers reading, movement, teeth, eyes, memory, inner health, skin, mental (in)sanity being expressed through art (includes knitting and banjo) and breath. Hopefully I get better. Cause basically I am super depressed. Not by my own craziness or present enviroment... those are actually sound and good... its just the whole detention room stuff, it really fucked me up. I feel like how I did when I got date raped... like I am trying to put together all that happened, but I cant.... and I have a lot of self blame, with maddness to the other person involved... and no one understands, and I even feel alienated and misunderstood by my lover.
I am going to make some zines though to pass the time. One for sure that is once a month and forces me to get out of my house and go to city activities. So.. thats cool... and it involves writing and music... two wonderful things.
I got a job but cant start til my background check goes through. It pays 9.40 which is a dollar more the min wage. Not bad I guess... as Utah min wage was yucky horrible.
I really was bummed to not take that trip to Arcata. But the day after what I was planning to leave is what I think got me the job, as I had an interview the day before I was to leave and the day after I WAS to leave they wanted me to come in for the morning and get a feel for the place and they can have a feel for me before they said yes you get the job.
So I am happy I stayed for work purposes. I am annoyed that my phone bill is about 300 this last month and little more then 200 of it was from the two days in Heathrow air port. YEP 200 from 12.30 to 12.31 stupid.
So that is also why I could not pay 200 for a rental and gas and food to see Cicada and Cougar....
hmm... well maybe some day I will go.. from here... but I HOPE WITH ALLLLL MY ♥ its to see Chris.
I had a weird dream and Tisa was in it... and it was like the begining... part one of a dream I had a long time ago, but never knew what had started the journey of that dream. But my dream last night was the one that began it all.. but it was the first time having that dream. So bizarre.
I have a cold. And all my body parts are stiff. Well they have been for the past few days I cant walk correctly and soon the ache stiffness and pain reached my arms.
Then last night I started howling... crying so loud. My mom never came in but I am not sure how she didnt hear me as I belt out tears as though that was my last cry ever. And I wept and wept and wept for close to three hours. I wanted to talk with Chris to calm myself down, but it was 8 am his time and he didnt pick up/ I finally passed out with snot and tears all over me.
I woke up this morning.. and my body is less stiff. I am not sure if it was a coincedence.
I made a HEALTHY ME CALENDAR and it is a huge desk calendar that is ONLY for my daily health routine. I wanted to start a chart to remind me what I need to do.. what I think I need to do, to be healthy... physical and mental. SO some days I have to do puja, and some days I have to do breathing excericises. And some days I have to walk, and some days I have to do 100 toe touches. When I start my job I will be riding my bike everyday, well m-fr. So I didnt include that movement.. but I will make sure I floss every other day. And of course brush my teeth twice a day.. which I dont forget to do.. but I included it all.. even the stuff I do naturally... like bathe. So I will eat a handful of seeds one day then a handful of almonds the next and the next seeds and so on. And every other day I will put my fancy expensive face mask on. And once a week a fancy hair mask. And I have to journal here once a week. Usually would be Saturdays but the computer is in teh shoppe and I have to go to library to check email. SO I am writing it today. And I have to drink min two cups of tea and drink min 3 glasses of water a day/ and make min 2 art projects a month and a min of 2 books a month.... and tke certain vitamins certain days... I am too old to remember this all on my own.. hence the calendar. Old meaning... neurotic... and forgetful.
so that covers reading, movement, teeth, eyes, memory, inner health, skin, mental (in)sanity being expressed through art (includes knitting and banjo) and breath. Hopefully I get better. Cause basically I am super depressed. Not by my own craziness or present enviroment... those are actually sound and good... its just the whole detention room stuff, it really fucked me up. I feel like how I did when I got date raped... like I am trying to put together all that happened, but I cant.... and I have a lot of self blame, with maddness to the other person involved... and no one understands, and I even feel alienated and misunderstood by my lover.
I am going to make some zines though to pass the time. One for sure that is once a month and forces me to get out of my house and go to city activities. So.. thats cool... and it involves writing and music... two wonderful things.
I got a job but cant start til my background check goes through. It pays 9.40 which is a dollar more the min wage. Not bad I guess... as Utah min wage was yucky horrible.
I really was bummed to not take that trip to Arcata. But the day after what I was planning to leave is what I think got me the job, as I had an interview the day before I was to leave and the day after I WAS to leave they wanted me to come in for the morning and get a feel for the place and they can have a feel for me before they said yes you get the job.
So I am happy I stayed for work purposes. I am annoyed that my phone bill is about 300 this last month and little more then 200 of it was from the two days in Heathrow air port. YEP 200 from 12.30 to 12.31 stupid.
So that is also why I could not pay 200 for a rental and gas and food to see Cicada and Cougar....
hmm... well maybe some day I will go.. from here... but I HOPE WITH ALLLLL MY ♥ its to see Chris.