Hello, Dr. Pavlov
So, I got hit on, of sorts on Tuesday. A friend of mine from out of state expressed an interest in flying in and getting to know me better to find out what might develop.
I declined. I suspected that this would be the case, but my suspicions were confirmed as the panic set in. It was accompanied by a lot of other feelings, only the feeling of being flattered someone would perceive me that way the positive one. And that was brief, while the fear, mistrust, and flight response lasted a lot longer and shouted a lot louder.
It's been four years, two months, and five days since my last relationship. (Sounds like someone at a Relationships Anonymous meeting, doesn't it?) I've been reliving that time period since Tuesday, and my dreams have been troubled too, though I suspect at least half of that is thanks to the visit from the plague fairy, who loves to pop in when the roommate is away for a bit.
But this makes it clear to me that there are lingering psychological issues from my past that are going to cause significant problems for any romantic infestations moving forward until I resolve them. And I don't know if that resolution is possible in the approximately fifty years maximum (barring medical advances, of course) I have left to me this time around. As Ringo sang, "It don't come easy." Ah well, it is what it is.
I declined. I suspected that this would be the case, but my suspicions were confirmed as the panic set in. It was accompanied by a lot of other feelings, only the feeling of being flattered someone would perceive me that way the positive one. And that was brief, while the fear, mistrust, and flight response lasted a lot longer and shouted a lot louder.
It's been four years, two months, and five days since my last relationship. (Sounds like someone at a Relationships Anonymous meeting, doesn't it?) I've been reliving that time period since Tuesday, and my dreams have been troubled too, though I suspect at least half of that is thanks to the visit from the plague fairy, who loves to pop in when the roommate is away for a bit.
But this makes it clear to me that there are lingering psychological issues from my past that are going to cause significant problems for any romantic infestations moving forward until I resolve them. And I don't know if that resolution is possible in the approximately fifty years maximum (barring medical advances, of course) I have left to me this time around. As Ringo sang, "It don't come easy." Ah well, it is what it is.