Fun with feelings
Anxiety
I've had a lot of anxiety lately. It's a fear of change/uncertainty thing.
What follows is my fantasies of the future, not stuff that is actually happening.
End point: I become homeless because...
I have been supporting myself for over a year (the cut-off point for returning to benefits at the rate I'm getting them now) and become mentally unwell, run through my savings, cease supporting myself and am so unwell that I cannot apply for benefits.
1. I have short, medium, and long-term goals to get me towards being self-supporting. They are all manageable especially because they are flexible. I can go backwards whenever I need to, take breaks for as long as I need to, completely change what direction I'm going in. All of my goals are achievable and realistic for someone with my particular mental health issues.
2. Even when I'm at my most depressed including acting on my suicidal impulses, I am able to claim benefits. If there is a problem with my benefits and I am extremely depressed I sort it out. I am VERY focused on food, and a lack of food or the prospect of such would be a massive kick up the arse. Even when suicidal, I would prefer to be suicidal in the comfort of my own home rather than sleeping rough. I have slept rough and know how to avoid that.
What I call my 'stupid head' has no trust in my plans. It has no trust in my abilities to cope. It thinks that I am useless. Stupid head indeed!
I have been incredibly anxious and have avoided doing my nutrition case study because to pass it would mean that I would be a fully qualified Personal Trainer and I would be able to get moving with some of my goals. I finally completed it and sent it off after my college had stopped giving me deadlines.
I'm trying really hard to use the stuff I picked up in Mentalization Based Treatment. To ask myself: What is the assumption? What is the evidence for that assumption? What is the reality? It is hard. My automatic thoughts go towards disaster.
The reality is that I am a very capable person. I have the appropriate support psychiatrically and socially. I have sensible plans that work for me. I will do positive affirmations starting today.
I am a capable person.
I've had a lot of anxiety lately. It's a fear of change/uncertainty thing.
What follows is my fantasies of the future, not stuff that is actually happening.
End point: I become homeless because...
I have been supporting myself for over a year (the cut-off point for returning to benefits at the rate I'm getting them now) and become mentally unwell, run through my savings, cease supporting myself and am so unwell that I cannot apply for benefits.
1. I have short, medium, and long-term goals to get me towards being self-supporting. They are all manageable especially because they are flexible. I can go backwards whenever I need to, take breaks for as long as I need to, completely change what direction I'm going in. All of my goals are achievable and realistic for someone with my particular mental health issues.
2. Even when I'm at my most depressed including acting on my suicidal impulses, I am able to claim benefits. If there is a problem with my benefits and I am extremely depressed I sort it out. I am VERY focused on food, and a lack of food or the prospect of such would be a massive kick up the arse. Even when suicidal, I would prefer to be suicidal in the comfort of my own home rather than sleeping rough. I have slept rough and know how to avoid that.
What I call my 'stupid head' has no trust in my plans. It has no trust in my abilities to cope. It thinks that I am useless. Stupid head indeed!
I have been incredibly anxious and have avoided doing my nutrition case study because to pass it would mean that I would be a fully qualified Personal Trainer and I would be able to get moving with some of my goals. I finally completed it and sent it off after my college had stopped giving me deadlines.
I'm trying really hard to use the stuff I picked up in Mentalization Based Treatment. To ask myself: What is the assumption? What is the evidence for that assumption? What is the reality? It is hard. My automatic thoughts go towards disaster.
The reality is that I am a very capable person. I have the appropriate support psychiatrically and socially. I have sensible plans that work for me. I will do positive affirmations starting today.
I am a capable person.