What's the biggest change?
'What's the biggest change?' is the question that I get asked a lot about my significant weight loss (6 stone). I don't really have an answer to that.
In my mid twenties and early thirties, I had some really difficult times. I was (and still am) locked into a semi-predictable depression/hypomania cycle. One of the coping mechanisms I used was binging on food... any kind of food. I'd also use food to punish myself, eating lots and lots of food that made me feel ill. As I came out of a depressive episode, I'd be able to get more active, eat more healthily and lose a bit of weight. However, I always put weight back on in the next depressive episode; sometimes more than I'd lost. I had many periods where I ate healthily and exercised quite a bit. Many people (in the dieting world) who meet me assume that I ate loads of crap all the time when I was heavier, and that I didn't do any exercise. People do that black and white thinking a lot, making assumptions.
I have lost weight for one reason only: I want to get a double mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery, and my surgeon wants me to be a certain weight before he'll operate on me. Part of that is the risk of death when under general anaesthetic, part of that is to do with the cosmetic result of surgery/trying to reduce the risk of needing to get more surgery in that area in the future. This is a goal that is in the near future, and it's something unlike the reasons a lot of people want to lose weight: looking good in swimwear, being healthy in general, thinking fat doesn't look good. I think my body looks less good than it did when I was at my highest weight; I have quite a lot of excess skin which is not pretty. I feel way less sexy when I'm naked than I did when I was at my highest weight.
I love how fit I am now. I can jog for four miles with ease. I can walk around without discomfort. I don't think twice before leaving my flat just because I have to climb stairs to get back in again. I run up stairs through choice! I run for the bus for fun. I am significantly stronger. I can do proper form pushups. I'm on my way to doing pullups. Those are changes that I like, that I notice. They're not totally weight-related though. It's easier to run when now I'm lighter though; running at 19 stone is very different to running at 14 stone, even discounting the increased fitness.
Small changes:
I have much more choice in the clothes I can buy, and more choice in what shops cater to people of my size.
I shimmy through narrow gaps with joy, thinking what a tight squeeze it would be at 20 stone.
I can sit on seats with fixed arm rests (most notably on tubes and trains) and be comfortable.
I don't get swollen feet/ankles in the summer.
I get frequent praise for having lost weight. (That annoys me when people do that in a busy social environment, as it makes me feel very self-conscious.)
I wonder what answers people expect when they ask that question. They seem to be disappointed when I talk about my vastly improved level of fitness. I think they may want me to say that I feel more confident and sexy or something. I don't! I vacillate between full-on confidence and self-hatred as much as I have done since I was 12 (yay Borderline Personality Disorder).
In my mid twenties and early thirties, I had some really difficult times. I was (and still am) locked into a semi-predictable depression/hypomania cycle. One of the coping mechanisms I used was binging on food... any kind of food. I'd also use food to punish myself, eating lots and lots of food that made me feel ill. As I came out of a depressive episode, I'd be able to get more active, eat more healthily and lose a bit of weight. However, I always put weight back on in the next depressive episode; sometimes more than I'd lost. I had many periods where I ate healthily and exercised quite a bit. Many people (in the dieting world) who meet me assume that I ate loads of crap all the time when I was heavier, and that I didn't do any exercise. People do that black and white thinking a lot, making assumptions.
I have lost weight for one reason only: I want to get a double mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery, and my surgeon wants me to be a certain weight before he'll operate on me. Part of that is the risk of death when under general anaesthetic, part of that is to do with the cosmetic result of surgery/trying to reduce the risk of needing to get more surgery in that area in the future. This is a goal that is in the near future, and it's something unlike the reasons a lot of people want to lose weight: looking good in swimwear, being healthy in general, thinking fat doesn't look good. I think my body looks less good than it did when I was at my highest weight; I have quite a lot of excess skin which is not pretty. I feel way less sexy when I'm naked than I did when I was at my highest weight.
I love how fit I am now. I can jog for four miles with ease. I can walk around without discomfort. I don't think twice before leaving my flat just because I have to climb stairs to get back in again. I run up stairs through choice! I run for the bus for fun. I am significantly stronger. I can do proper form pushups. I'm on my way to doing pullups. Those are changes that I like, that I notice. They're not totally weight-related though. It's easier to run when now I'm lighter though; running at 19 stone is very different to running at 14 stone, even discounting the increased fitness.
Small changes:
I have much more choice in the clothes I can buy, and more choice in what shops cater to people of my size.
I shimmy through narrow gaps with joy, thinking what a tight squeeze it would be at 20 stone.
I can sit on seats with fixed arm rests (most notably on tubes and trains) and be comfortable.
I don't get swollen feet/ankles in the summer.
I get frequent praise for having lost weight. (That annoys me when people do that in a busy social environment, as it makes me feel very self-conscious.)
I wonder what answers people expect when they ask that question. They seem to be disappointed when I talk about my vastly improved level of fitness. I think they may want me to say that I feel more confident and sexy or something. I don't! I vacillate between full-on confidence and self-hatred as much as I have done since I was 12 (yay Borderline Personality Disorder).