successful evening
foibey and I went to nitoda, wuluf anda_musing_amazon's house for a new years eve gathering. ianlovingboth, lisalovely, mandrake91, Geoff and a couple of kids were there. I arrived anxious and unable to speak and left anxious and unable to speak, but the bits in between weren't completely scary all of the time. I participated in conversation and didn't leave the living rooom to panic many times. wuluf gave me his old digital camera - thanks mate :-) We left at 9.30 when the anxiety got too much for me and we're now safe at home. I don't even have to speak to fee if I want as I can IM her. It's the first party I've been to in 6 years, and the first new years party I've been to as an adult. It's getting late; my tradition is to go to bed early and *ignore* the sound of people cheering and fireworks being let off.
I'm still not sure if parties are a bad idea or not. I fear rejection so much, especially from people I like. Friendly people make me anxious; perhaps I fear that they will withdraw their friendliness at any time (possibly to do with how hot and cold my mother was).
Anyway. I am at home with my beautiful girlfriend. She makes me so happy *sighs*
I'm still not sure if parties are a bad idea or not. I fear rejection so much, especially from people I like. Friendly people make me anxious; perhaps I fear that they will withdraw their friendliness at any time (possibly to do with how hot and cold my mother was).
Anyway. I am at home with my beautiful girlfriend. She makes me so happy *sighs*