(no subject)
Sunday, February 21st 2010 at 12:52pm
I have my Paladin on Skype who is humming while he reads my Lords Online suggestion post on the suggestion forum. I have Lords Online up in Firefox, but it's being laggy. Everyone is complaining about it - apparently the server badly needs a reboot.
The sun is shining. I don't think there is any snow here, although there was much snow between here and home. Last night there was a beautiful sunset as we were driving. Snow covered the ground on both sides of the highway. The dark ominous trees stood in their bare glory, like dark brown hairs rising from a pale bumpy giant. The sun, a perfect red disc could be seen setting through the trunks of the trees. The clouds were illuminated in shades in pink, orange and red. It was beautiful. I took several pictures of course.
I ought to write down more of my ideas...
My computer just shut down on me out of no where - I was plugged in, but turned out the battery wasn't charging for some reason. I think I wrote more, maybe? And it didn't save? I'm not positive.
[6:07pm]
I don't know how to behave anymore. I constantly am thinking about how I could be with Paladin... How to not have all this distance in between he and I... It's truly frightening to be in love with someone so far away. Feels strangely unreal, sometimes for hours at a time. Other times I feel truly depressed about it. Like I'm trapped and helpless, and like neither time nor effort will do anything. Sometimes I feel happy just knowing he's mine and he exists, even if he is so far away... For a time yesterday, during the many long hours of driving, I thought about Porcupine and where I was three years ago, where I was on the first road trip with my father, how in love with Porcupine I was... How upset I was to be away from him... How things were when I returned... A happiness filled me as I realized how different things are with Paladin... That was a nice feeling.
Unfortunately such boosts in mood only seem to work the first time. Then I have to think of other things I am grateful for - new things. Silly emotions.
[7:14pm]
I just got back from going to Trader Joe's with my father. I bought organic pink lady apples, raw cheddar cheese, carrots, mixed-colored potatoes, three red onions, four organic bananas, six kiwis and my father also grabbed some milk. It should be enough until we leave here - I hope. Oh, and I also bought a bag of chips - Trader Joe's light salted brand. Cheaper than Kettle chips and I think they taste better too actually.
Lords Online doesn't seem to be connecting again, which is frustrating since I just got back and there are things I want to do on there. Paladin is being quiet - I don't blame him; I didn't bring my external mic (like an idiot) so he can't really hear me, because my laptop mic sucks... So I can't get him to say anything really. He's unresponsive to text.
So, in a silly attempt at getting him to speak, everytime I finish one of these paragraphs I'm sending them to him, hoping he'll say something. But so far I'm getting “mmmhmm” and other non verbal things. Before I left he was up to something, seemingly annoyed; I've asked him a dozen times today what he's up to, and the only time I got an answer was when he was farming Blue Wolves in Lords Online - the rest of the time he hasn't told me what he's up to. -_-
Aww, he's adorable. His attempt at saying things is, “Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.” I'm going to go do a few push-up reps now...