The Nine Rules of Being a Demon Part 1
Title: The Nine Rules of Being a Demon
Pairing: HaeHyuk
Minor Pairings: YeMin, ninja!HanChul
Part: 1
Rating: PG
Genre: romance, humor
Disclaimer: I wish
Warnings: none
Summary: Being a demon is hard. Training a demon takes it to a whole new level.
“I don’t see why I have to do this,” Eunhyuk complained to his companion as they walked down the spacious hall towards their destination. “I’m a high ranking demon.”
Sungmin shook his head. “You know every demon has to do this at least once.” He smirked at Eunhyuk. “Even the devil’s favorite.”
Eunhyuk hit his friend’s arm. “What about you? Did you do it yet?”
Sungmin tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, a while ago. It was actually pretty fun.” He stopped abruptly in front of large ornate double doors. “Here we are.” He clapped Eunhyuk’s shoulders comfortingly. “Good luck.”
Eunhyuk looked at the doors and pushed them open with a sigh, entering the room.
“If you mess this up, the devil will have your head!” Sungmin yelled from outside.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Eunhyuk muttered darkly as the doors shut behind him.
“Um, hello?”
Fixing his face into a sinister scowl, Eunhyuk turned around and gave the person sitting in a chair in the middle of the room an intimidating glare. “What?” he snarled.
The boy (Eunhyuk had lived so long, everybody was but a child to him) fiddled with the edge of his white t-shirt nervously. “I was just wondering who you were…” he trailed off uncertainly.
“I’m your worst nightmare,” deadpanned Eunhyuk.
The boy stared at Eunhyuk for a few seconds before he burst out into raucous laughter.
Eunhyuk folded his arms across his chest grumpily. He hated this boy already. “Listen, you punk,” he snapped. He pointed to the boy. “You are a newbie demon. The lowest of the low.” He pointed towards himself. “I am one of the highest ranking demons. You listen when I talk and I won’t boil you in hot lava, capiche?”
The boy grinned at him. “Got it, boss. My name is Donghae, by the way. What’s yours?”
“Eunhyuk,” he replied stiffly.
The boy’s- Donghae’s- eyes widened. “I knew it! You’re Eunhyuk!” He jumped out of his chair and gave the senior demon a bone-crushing hug. “You’re my idol!”
Eunhyuk quickly shoved the younger boy off. Great, a fanboy. “Look noob, er, Donghae. I really don’t want to do this and I’m sure you don’t either, but it has to be done. If you cooperate with me, we’ll get it over as quickly and painlessly as possible.”
Donghae nodded obediently, eyes shining with admiration.
“Good.” Eunhyuk clapped his hands together. “Let’s get started then.”
The Nine Rules of Being a Demon
1. Dress accordingly.
“A demon must always look the part.”
Eunhyuk knocked impatiently at Donghae’s door. The demon-in-training was late for their morning lessons. Tapping his foot irritably on the tile floor, he was just about to kick down the door when it opened by itself.
“G’morning Eunhyuk,” said Donghae sleepily, rubbing his eyes with his fist. “What are you doing here so early?”
“Early?” hissed Eunhyuk. “Our lesson was scheduled for fifteen minutes ago! You’re…” Eunhyuk nearly blew a blood vessel when he finally noticed Donghae’s state of dress. “What in the devil’s name are you wearing?!” he shouted.
Donghae blinked and ruffled his sleep tousled hair, the picture of innocence and confusion. “What’s wrong with this?” He looked down fondly at his favorite blue footie pajamas with little fishy designs on it.
“You’re wearing- It’s so- That thing-” Eunhyuk sputtered. “You look cute!” Eunhyuk finally yelled.
Donghae’s face lit up. “Really? You think I look cute?”
Eunhyuk mentally face-palmed. “Donghae,” he said in as patient a tone as he could muster. “You’re a demon. Demons aren’t supposed to be cute.”
Donghae’s face fell and he pouted…cutely.
Eunhyuk grabbed the younger’s wrist and dragged the protesting demon-in-training down the hallway until they reached an elaborate metal door. Eunhyuk shoved Donghae and his footie pajamas into the room, slamming the door behind him.
“Where are we?” Donghae asked, awestruck at the neatness of the room.
“My room,” said Eunhyuk simply. “Now strip.”
“WHAT?!” shouted Donghae, looking slightly panicked. He backed away towards the door, wide-eyed. “But I never-”
Eunhyuk rolled his eyes, striding over to his large walk-in closet. He tossed random piles of clothes onto his bed. “Here, try some of these on,” he commanded.
Donghae poked at the pile gingerly. “Why are all your clothes black?” he asked, lifting an artistically torn wife-beater.
“Why do you think?” snapped Eunhyuk. “Now change out of that ridiculous thing you’re wearing.”
Donghae looked pointedly at Eunhyuk.
“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, turning to face the wall. “But it’s not like there’s anything I haven’t already seen.” After some rustling, he heard a muffled “Okay,” and turned back around. His jaw promptly decided to kiss the floor.
Donghae was wearing a sleeveless vest that showed off arm muscles Eunhyuk hadn’t noticed before. There was a long silver chain around his neck and he wore a fingerless, studded glove. His tight leather pants hugged all the right (or wrong, thought Eunhyuk, licking his lips) places, particularly his clearly toned tush…
“How do I look?” asked Donghae, unnerved by Eunhyuk’s silent scrutiny.
Eunhyuk swallowed. “Very good,” he said honestly. “It suits you.”
Donghae beamed. “Thanks. I think you look very sexy too.”
-
“Would it be normal for me to think you’re sexy?”
Sungmin choked on his coffee. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, he frowned at Eunhyuk. “What makes you say that?”
Eunhyuk looked down at his own coffee in embarrassment. “Well, you’re my best friend and the feelings between us are only platonic, but I can still think you’re sexy, right?”
Sungmin’s smirk grew. “Oh, I see where this is going. You saw Donghae in those tight leather pants, huh?”
“But it would be normal, right?”
Sungmin chuckled. “Keep telling yourself that.”
2. Never show weakness.
“Always act strong.”
Eunhyuk stared stonily across the field of fire geysers at Donghae. Donghae approached him cautiously, carefully avoiding the random jets of lava that shot out of the holes in the ground.
“I’m not late,” Donghae announced cheerfully when he got to Eunhyuk’s side.
“What is that thing?” demanded Eunhyuk, glaring at Donghae.
Donghae frowned as he looked down at his clothes. Sleeveless black shirt, check. Leather pants, check. Fingerless gloves, check. “I thought you liked me in these types of clothing,” he said, slightly confused. “Or do you think I overdid the black?”
“You look perfectly fine,” said Eunhyuk through gritted teeth. “I was talking about that…that thing you have in your shirt.”
“What thing?” asked Donghae. As though on cue, a fluffy white head poked its’ way out of his shirt collar and licked Donghae’s face. “Stop that, it tickles!” he giggled, cuddling it. He smiled at Eunhyuk. “It’s a dog I found on my way here. I think I’ll call him Bada. Isn’t he cute?”
Eunhyuk smiled back. “Oh, he’s so cute! Can I hold him?”
Donghae was surprised at his teacher’s eagerness and happily handed over the puppy. “Try scratching him behind the ear; he likes that.”
Eunhyuk, gummy smile and all, dropped the protesting dog into a pool of lava.
“Bada!” cried Donghae, rushing over, only to see his beloved puppy had sunken beneath the surface. He looked at Eunhyuk in horror. “What did you do that for?” he shouted angrily.
“Caring for an animal is showing weakness,” said Eunhyuk unapologetically, his scowl back in place. “Demons are not supposed to show weakness.”
Donghae did not speak, or even look, at him for the rest of the day.
Although Eunhyuk still did not regret the demise of Bada by his hands, he had to admit that having Donghae upset at him was not a very pleasant feeling.
-
“You killed a puppy?!” Sungmin stared at Eunhyuk in dismay. “How could you?”
“That thing will soften Donghae and make him a weak demon,” Eunhyuk stated.
“Just because I’m jealous of all the attention Yesung gives that turtle of his, it doesn’t mean I have to make turtle stew! Although I’ve heard it’s delicious…”
“I’m not jealous of a dog,” Eunhyuk denied, giving his friend an odd look.
Sungmin snorted. “Yeah, that’s what they all say.”
3. Do not befriend humans.
“Humans are there to be messed with. Nothing more.”
“Hi, my name is Kibum. What’s yours?”
“I’m Donghae!”
“Pleased to meet you, Donghae. And who is this?”
“Oh, no one important. Just ignore him.”
Eunhyuk glared at Donghae, who was still giving him the cold shoulder. It was the younger’s first trip to the human world and he was already causing trouble. He turned his scowl towards Donghae’s new human friend, who was getting along too well with the demon-in-training.
Eunhyuk thought this Kim Kibum person was a highly suspicious character and it wasn’t because the man was handsome; this human was very handsome. With his megawatt smile and quiet charisma, Kibum was just the type to deceive naïve, gullible people. People like Donghae.
And it was up to Eunhyuk to protect his pupil (because the devil would have his hide if he didn’t).
As soon as Donghae excused himself to the bathroom of the café they were currently in, Eunhyuk leaned forward on his elbows to smile at the human. “My name is Eunhyuk. I’m Donghae’s boyfriend.”
Kibum raised an eyebrow. “Really now? You two don’t seem to be on very good terms.”
Eunhyuk waved off the comment. “Donghae can be pretty temperamental sometimes,” he said airily. “Now, I want to ask a favor of you.”
Kibum stared silently at Eunhyuk, which he interpreted as an okay.
“I want you to leave and never come near Donghae again.”
Kibum frowned. “Why would I do that?”
Eunhyuk’s smile tightened and he grabbed the human’s shirt front, yanking viciously. “Because,” hissed Eunhyuk, allowing his pupils to turn black as he activated his powers. “I said so. And…” Kibum yelped as his shirt caught on fire. “If you don’t, I’ll make sure you regret it. Every. Single. Day. For the rest of your life.”
After frantically putting out the flames, Kibum shot Eunhyuk a frightened look before hightailing out of the coffee shop.
Satisfied his point got across, Eunhyuk sat back into his chair and sipped the drink Kibum left behind.
“Where’s Kibum?” asked Donghae when he got back, evidently confused enough about the human’s disappearance that he forgot about his grudge against Eunhyuk.
“Gone,” replied Eunhyuk, merrily.
-
“You’re not supposed to use your powers in front of a human like that,” Sungmin reprimanded him later. “You’re being a bad example for Donghae.”
“Donghae didn’t see,” protested Eunhyuk. “And that guy was asking for it.”
Sungmin threw his hands up. “My devil, I don’t even know how you got so high up in the rank!”
4. Respect the devil.
“He’s the boss, the big bad, the head kahuna.”
“Eunhyuk~”
Eunhyuk resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the sound of his name. Donghae, with whom he was in the middle of a lesson on the levels of hell, turned to look curiously at their interruption.
“What do you want, Siwon?” asked Eunhyuk tiredly, running his hand through his flaming red hair.
The taller man perked up at the acknowledgement and gave Eunhyuk a dimpled smile. “I’m bored,” he complained.
“And you think I’m not?” snorted Eunhyuk. “Go find someone else to bother.”
Eunhyuk felt arms snake around his waist. “But you’re the best,” insisted Siwon, hugging Eunhyuk tightly from behind. Eunhyuk felt, rather then saw, Donghae stiffen.
“Siwon, I’m busy,” said Eunhyuk, pushing Siwon’s head away.
Siwon held on persistently. “Eunhyuk, entertain me,” he whispered seductively into the redhead’s ear.
Before Eunhyuk could tell Siwon to beat it, the taller man was roughly pulled off by a furious Donghae, who swiftly delivered a powerful punch to the handsome face.
“My nose!” cried Siwon as blood sprayed onto the carpeting.
Eunhyuk felt Donghae pulling him out of the room and followed reluctantly. Donghae did not stop until they reached the other end of the hall, where Eunhyuk yanked his arm back.
“Donghae, what was that stunt you just pulled?” demanded Eunhyuk.
Donghae shrugged unrepentantly. “I punched him.”
“You can’t just go around punching people!” yelled Eunhyuk.
“You didn’t like him touching you,” replied Donghae, looking at the floor.
Taken aback, Eunhyuk took several seconds to recover his wits. “What I like or don’t like doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that you just punched the Devil!”
“What?” Donghae looked startled.
“Siwon is the Devil! Lucifer, Satan, our boss, ruler of hell.”
“Really?” Donghae’s expression darkened. He stalked back down the hall where they came from. “Makes me want to punch him more.”
-
“I like him. He’s feisty.”
Eunhyuk stared in disbelief across the desk at Siwon, who was applying an ice pack to his broken nose and a fresh black eye suspiciously in the shape of Donghae’s knuckles. “What are you, a masochist?”
“You’re doing a good job training him,” said Siwon. He licked his lips slowly. “I can’t wait to see what other talents he has.”
When Eunhyuk left the office in a huff, there was yet another bruise forming on Siwon’s face, this time, in the shape of Eunhyuk’s fist.
5. Respect God.
“But avoid him at all costs.”
“The devil and God are like this.” Eunhyuk held up his tightly crossed fingers for emphasis.
“Then why do we have to avoid him at all costs?” asked Donghae.
Eunhyuk shuddered. “You don’t want to know. Just don’t go near him.”
“So why are we here if we want to avoid him?” Donghae looked up in awe at the gates of heaven.
Eunhyuk pushed a fluffy cloud out of his face irritably. “Because I want you to talk to my friend. He’ll do a better job at explaining the heaven and hell, angels and demons thing than I would.” He pulled out his senior demon all access card and inserted it into a slot. With a beep, the gates opened.
“There’s no gatekeeper?” Donghae looked at Eunhyuk’s card, confused.
“We have to keep up with changing technology.” Eunhyuk ushered Donghae in. “Besides, no one wanted to sit here all day doing nothing but opening and closing the gates.”
“Stay here,” Eunhyuk instructed Donghae sternly, placing the demon-in-training under a sparkly rainbow. “I’ll be back.”
Eunhyuk should have known better. By the time he got back with Leeteuk in tow, Donghae was nowhere to be seen.
“That moron!” cried Eunhyuk, shoving a large cloud out of the way. “Where did he go this time?”
“Eunhyuk, it’s not nice to call your dongsaeng a moron,” chided Leeteuk. “Come on, I’ll help you look for him.”
After searching high and low, there was only one place left: God’s palace.
“Oh, God isn’t that bad,” said Leeteuk, tone assuring. “You just have to get to know him.”
“Let’s just get this over with,” muttered Eunhyuk as they entered the palace.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Eunhyuk. I haven’t seen you in a while. Busy avoiding me?”
Eunhyuk stared in shock at the sight before him. Seated on a cloud, sneering at him was God. But the thing that got him was across from the almighty, sat Donghae, sipping from a delicate china teacup.
“Eunhyuk!” cried Donghae happily, waving his crumpet at his mentor. “Heechul-hyung is really nice! And he has the best cakes I’ve ever had!”
“You’re having tea with God, who I told you to avoid. And you’re on first name basis with him.” Eunhyuk felt a headache coming.
“You’re lucky to be teaching such a fine young man.” God, a.k.a. Heechul, smirked at him. “I better not hear that you were mistreating my new favorite dongsaeng, or else.”
Eunhyuk felt a chill run up and down his spine. “I-I won’t.”
“Eunhyuk, Heechul said you used to have really awful blonde hair that was long and braided in the back. He also showed me pictures. He’s right! You look so much better now.” Donghae nodded as though in approval of Eunhyuk’s style choice.
Eunhyuk buried his face in his hands.
-
“I told you not to interfere with those two.” Heechul looked over his teacup in amusement.
Siwon winced as he felt the still present black and blue marks on his face. It didn’t hurt as much as his pride though; the usually handsome man now resembled a panda football player. “I couldn’t help it,” he protested. “Both of them are just so tempting.”
“Go bother someone else then.”
Siwon leered at Heechul. “Is that an invitation?”
Heechul sipped his tea daintily. “Remember the last time Hangeng caught you trying to make a pass on me (not that I would let you)?”
Siwon sulked.
-
A/N: Looking back at the stuff I posted, I noticed that it was all HyukHae, so I will be on a HaeHyuk run for a while. I really don't know where the YeMin came from. I wrote this with every intention of having KyuMin as a side pairing, but Yesung just popped up and refused to go away...