(no subject)
Well I don't know. Today was just one of those days. Nothing really bad happened...I just wasn't in a very good mood. I tried but I just couldn't seem to stay happy. Yeah Steve and Joel and Justin randomly attacked me in the halls all day and it was fun for a while, but yeah. I think Steve likes me. It's probably my fault. Cody's right I am a tease...I guess I just never realized it before. I can't hlep it either. I love guys in general. I love everything about them. So more than likely the first chance I get I'm gunna flirt with them. And I bet I've been flirting with Steve a lot. I don't know if I really like him or I just want someone to mess with. I do that a lot to Cody too. I feel horrible. He says he hates how I mess with his head. Like one minute he'll think he has a chance with me but than I'll go and ignore him and he has no idea what's goin on in my head. But the truth is even I don't know what's going on in my head. At the party I was all over Alex and Ridge, not just Cody. I'm so fucking bad with that. And I started talking to Charles again...well we kinda talk. I really miss how "close" we used to be. Not physically, but yeah. I want to see him so incredibly bad. I wish that things were different so that maybe we could have a relationship. I love him and he really deserves someone who will be good to him...and NOT cheat on him. But I probably wouldn't be the right person for him. I don't deserve him. Wow and than there's this guy, Tony. He's incredible. I've liked him since the first day I've met him. But it seems like the more I talk to him the more I want him. He says he likes me a lot too. And we REALLY want to see each other more. The only thing is he was afraid of what Jake might think. But the truth is...nothing is ever going to happen with me and Jake. Yeah I used to love him...but I can't do it anymore. Like one day he'll say he loves me and everything...but than I won't talk to him for like a week or so and he acts like he doesn't like me anymore. And than all of a sudden it's back to me again. And he reminds me so much of Jeff and Tom. I really can't pretend anymore. I hope we can stay really close friends like we have been, but I don't want anything more. If Tony wants to start something...than I think I might actually be ready to do that. And hopefully it's not just a fling. I think I really do like him.
On another note, me and Liz might go to a college party this Friday. It's Chad, the singer from the band at the pep ralley's party. He seems really cool. And I bet he has a lot of hott friends. So maybe we'll give it a shot. As long as Dan stays the fuck away from me. Liz I love you. I hope that you aren't sad anymore. I want you to be happy. We both deserve to be happy once in a while without feeling guilty. I know how hard it gets but you should try to forget it all and go for what you really want. Things will turn out okay. I'm always here for you if you need me. <3 Ya!
Alright, well that's enough for now. I'm fucking tired and I still don't feel good. I skipped out on goin to Emily's cause I felt horrible. Maybe I can sleep it off. Bye <3