(no subject)
I don't fucking get it. Okay I know I shouldn't let stupid shit bother me...but I do. I can't help it. I've tried SO hard not to complicate things. I really have. But things just keep getting worse. Oh and goody! My breakdowns are coming back :) Fuckin bullshit. I THOUGHT I got rid of those a couple months ago...but nooo. I just started feelin it tonight. And I kno that's what it was. I tried lookin for the pills I used to take..but I couldn't find them. So that's not gunna help. Whatever I guess tho right? I'm just gunna have to let it pass.
So I went to the doctor again today. I was hopin that after they went over my test results everything would be fine, no cancer or anything, and I could get on birth control. But no. I don't have cancer..that part is okay. But I have some sort of blood...hormone....syndrome thing. They don't know if it's good or bad. Well it's not good. How could it be good? Lucky me tho, I get to go thru more testing!! Already got 4 MORE viles of blood taken today. Next is an MRI...and who knows after that. Okay I just don't get why my everything is so fucked up. It's not my fault tho I guess. I just can't help wishing it would stop.
Party tomorrow...maybe. If I can find someone to take. Cause I'm not going if it's just Dan. I'm afraid he will try to rape me. He's been talking about that again. And well...he could if you really wanted to. I am pretty small compared to him. And Liz can't go. She's going to be babysitting and spending some time with her family..which is good. Maybe I'll take a weekend off this time. I don't know what I should do. It's too much thinking right now. I guess I'll try and sleep everything off. Mmhm. Bye <3