Maybe I feel better????????

[not_cynical]

• Someone asked me if I was going to do Camp Nano this month and my entire response was "lol no." Progress!
• Me: I promise that I haven't left the house except to go to the supermarket.
  Jill: That's what I wanted to hear! *hangs up*
• ... Serious request, every time someone suggests doing a "show your appreciation for the NHS" thing that isn't "more funding, PPE, and paid staff," please do the thing if you want to AND ALSO write a letter to your MP to ask them to call for more material support for the NHS. I don't have a problem with harmless displays of appreciation! It's just good to couple them with other things.
• I don't know if "wandering around the house in leggings, baggy socks, and partner's largest t-shirt" is a specific quarantine look, but I've discovered it and unironically love it. If I don't have all of my cute dresses (they're in a storage unit) then I'll just have to wear comfy clothes instead!
• Turns out that normal work dreams about trying to keep students out of the library are suddenly horrible when living under lockdown! That was fun!
• I have read two (2) books! The first volume of What Did You Eat Yesterday by Fumi Yoshinaga, which I think was the first book I even tried to read in the last two weeks? Which is bananas, because obviously what I should use all of this unprecedented free time for is reading! But also, emotional investment is exhausting. (The other one was Bloom by Kevin Panetta and Savanah Ganucheau.)
• WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, I always a season-change slump in my reading, and I always drag myself out of it by reading shitty m/m manga until I feel better! Is that what this is? Have I been trying to fix it with slightly better shite than usual?
• Realised when I read this Captain Awkward post that I'm falling back on some of my old coping strategies - getting very nervous about making noise or moving around the house when there are people awake, playing video games that let me micro-manage lives and build things exactly how I want them, swinging wildly between "no I don't want to eat/sleep" and "I only want to eat/sleep," and picking at anything that could be a scab. Like, I'm fine and will continue being fine! It's just a thing for me to be aware of!
  
  • I'm not saying that I'm outsourcing my need meters to Lex, I'm just saying that it's way easier for me to judge when to go to bed or grab something to eat by going "Oh hey, Lex has just made himself lunch, I should do that."
  • I hit the "Plasters are to keep fingers out rather than blood in" stage of having a hole in my face, but it does seem to be working!
  • I have been trying to remember things that I want to do instead of writing them down. That is fucking fatal, right there. *gets out diary*
  • I moved what time I get up to around 8:30, because yay more sleep! But it means that there's not a point in the day where there aren't people around, due to the ways that mine, Lex's and Mike's sleep cycles work out. I'm not good at doing things like housework when there are other people around, because my anxiety spikes. \o/ But it's cool, once I'm used to getting up at a regular time, I can try to bump my alarm back a little earlier and get my housework time that way!
  • If I don't hear from the prescription place by Monday afternoon, I'm going to have to ring them again, which I don't want to do! Because they are busy! But also, I've been on a half-dose of my ADHD meds for the last fortnight because I still don't have a date for my prescription renewal.
• I might be coming up for air on the Dragon Quest Builders thing! Which is probably for the best seeing as I'm... Somewhere between half and two-thirds of the way through the game? I think I've got one island left, so I'm going back to do intense remodelling works on the islands that I've been to before and doing a sweep for huge angry monsters that could be my friend/give me awesome loot. Also I need to build Malroth's Museum of Murder where I put all of my old weapons/armour/weird loot that doesn't fit in the aesthetic of my villages.
• At some point I need to jury-rig a solution for Lex needing my desk and me wanting something that I can spread my laptop and my lists on so I can work. My current options are "Using the disconnected cupboard door like I used to" and "get out the very old folding chair and see if it will hold my weight." Yes we do have only two chairs in the house, no I don't know how that happened either, yes my having Can't Sit Still Disease is a problem here.
• So yes, I feel like I'm slowly getting back to being a person. I want to read again! I want to write again! Like, I also want to do things like "Read every graphic novel in my house" and "Play every Final Fantasy game that I own in release order" and "write all of the Builder/Malroth fic" (???????????????) which are obviously not sensible things to do, but I feel better. ... Maybe that's the being out of my ADHD meds and my sleep cycle being wonky, and my brain has just gone "YES, THIS LEVEL OF BRAIN CHEMICALS AND FAULTY COPING STRATEGIES, THIS IS FAMILIAR, WE CAN WORK WITH THIS." So not an ideal situation, but at least I'm feeling okay.
• Literally, my only goals for tomorrow are 1) go to the shop for squash/milk/bread/flour/cereal, 2) make a to-do list, 3) call the doctors. Stretch goal: make scones. Tiny achievable goals, yay!