I'm going to bed and no one dare stop me
Dear dreamwidth friends: as part of bringing the unfuckening round full-circle, I'm trying to get back into, like, actually existing in a community instead of just leaning out of the window and shouting about my opinions and problems. If you get necrocomments on stuff from a million years ago, or see me signal boosting something from the dawn of time: this is why!
Apart from that, current state of the Susan:
+ Went to the dentist and she didn't mention any damage from the teeth-grinding I'm apparently doing, AND I didn't get the inside of my face scraped!
- Accidentally stabbed myself in the gum with my toothbrush and now I can't stop poking at it, and I have to go back next week to get a filling. But it's a WHITE filling, which feels very weird and fancy.
+ Discovered the phrase "executive function halt state", which feels like the shorter and fancier way of describing that feeling of looking at the stuff you WANT to do and almost bursting into tears instead. Will naming the demon help me to defeat it? WE SHALL SEE. I am definitely in the stage where the thing I want to be doing the most is the thing that's hardest for me to get at, so I guess that's fun.
~ If anyone is waiting for anything from me, it's coming, I'm just trying to unstick myself. (Here is your metaphor: everything was flowing nicely down the river of my brain until one thing went sideways and jammed everything, so now I'm trying to pick out the smaller bits and pieces so I've got room to move the bigger pieces.)
+ Have set up my folding desk in my living room and I'm not only using it, but enjoying it? It's comfy and means that I can actually spread stuff out like I want to!
+ Went to see The Gentlemen with
LexGarrett and my Pseudotwin this time, and they very kindly let me complain about toxic masculinity and violence against women as a fridging technique.
+
captainraz has finally managed to lure me into her bullet journal cult, in that I've gone "fuck it" and taken the actual diary inserts out of my filofax and am just going ham on some lined paper. I'm hit and miss on the bullet journal thing, because it feels a bit "tech bro invents to-do lists" (like, some of the stuff I read about is just like "The innovative part is INDEXING YOUR NOTEBOOKS" and I'm over here like "Mate, everyone indexes their notebooks, this isn't a new thing.") but I'm gonna give it a fair shake! It's easier to do in a filofax, because if I decide I don't like something or need to rearrange pages, I can, so I guess I'll see how flexible it is?
- Possibly coming down with the slowest-moving cold in history, in that my throat's been going "Nope, need more water, here is STABBING PAIN to remind you," for a while
+ I'm not doing that thing I was doing 2015-2018 where I'd just go flat out for months and then literally collapse as soon as I had a day off! Having a sore throat that isn't part of me getting a fever like a victorian urchin is honestly progress.
+ Just over a month to go till my NHS ADHD assessment! Excited and terrified, and I found out today that I don't need to work the time back or swap shifts to go because it counts as a hospital appointment. Yaaaaay!
+ Exam season ends on Saturday! Fewer stressed out students means fewer stressed out members of staff!
~ All that said, I'm fucking knackered mates, so I'm off to bed. Wish me luck with the fixing things, I'll see you on the other side of the war this mountain of shite I'm doing. Be good, be safe, be careful.
Apart from that, current state of the Susan:
+ Went to the dentist and she didn't mention any damage from the teeth-grinding I'm apparently doing, AND I didn't get the inside of my face scraped!
- Accidentally stabbed myself in the gum with my toothbrush and now I can't stop poking at it, and I have to go back next week to get a filling. But it's a WHITE filling, which feels very weird and fancy.
+ Discovered the phrase "executive function halt state", which feels like the shorter and fancier way of describing that feeling of looking at the stuff you WANT to do and almost bursting into tears instead. Will naming the demon help me to defeat it? WE SHALL SEE. I am definitely in the stage where the thing I want to be doing the most is the thing that's hardest for me to get at, so I guess that's fun.
~ If anyone is waiting for anything from me, it's coming, I'm just trying to unstick myself. (Here is your metaphor: everything was flowing nicely down the river of my brain until one thing went sideways and jammed everything, so now I'm trying to pick out the smaller bits and pieces so I've got room to move the bigger pieces.)
+ Have set up my folding desk in my living room and I'm not only using it, but enjoying it? It's comfy and means that I can actually spread stuff out like I want to!
+ Went to see The Gentlemen with
LexGarrett and my Pseudotwin this time, and they very kindly let me complain about toxic masculinity and violence against women as a fridging technique.
+
captainraz has finally managed to lure me into her bullet journal cult, in that I've gone "fuck it" and taken the actual diary inserts out of my filofax and am just going ham on some lined paper. I'm hit and miss on the bullet journal thing, because it feels a bit "tech bro invents to-do lists" (like, some of the stuff I read about is just like "The innovative part is INDEXING YOUR NOTEBOOKS" and I'm over here like "Mate, everyone indexes their notebooks, this isn't a new thing.") but I'm gonna give it a fair shake! It's easier to do in a filofax, because if I decide I don't like something or need to rearrange pages, I can, so I guess I'll see how flexible it is?
- Possibly coming down with the slowest-moving cold in history, in that my throat's been going "Nope, need more water, here is STABBING PAIN to remind you," for a while
+ I'm not doing that thing I was doing 2015-2018 where I'd just go flat out for months and then literally collapse as soon as I had a day off! Having a sore throat that isn't part of me getting a fever like a victorian urchin is honestly progress.
+ Just over a month to go till my NHS ADHD assessment! Excited and terrified, and I found out today that I don't need to work the time back or swap shifts to go because it counts as a hospital appointment. Yaaaaay!
+ Exam season ends on Saturday! Fewer stressed out students means fewer stressed out members of staff!
~ All that said, I'm fucking knackered mates, so I'm off to bed. Wish me luck with the fixing things, I'll see you on the other side of the war this mountain of shite I'm doing. Be good, be safe, be careful.