Just thinking....
Ever wonder why you pine after people you can't have...
I have done this... I do this a lot, more now that I do not think much of my self and that makes it all the more harder to even attempt. The best is pining after people i can't have like women who do not prefer my gender, why I find lesbians the hottest. Or women who are married, or close enough to, seem to me the more I can't have them the more I want them, then when they are attainable I loose the never and never do anything about it anyway.
How about feeling lost...
Even more then ever I do not feel human, I do not understand people, well unless they hurt each other, I seem to get pain quite well. I seem to have lost attractivety toward other humans, I still prefer females but it is as if my sexuality toward them is stifled. I first though like usual everyone thinks I am gay and yet men are nothing, I do not see an appeal, I barley even want to make Friends with other males. So it my loss of zest for life or has the part of my personality that ingrained depression finally sunk into my sexuality. Does this mean I just don't care about it any more. Am I to be a completely emotionless lover, did I ever really have feelings for anyone I ever slept with?
Emotions...
Ever wonder if you could burn out the center in your brain that produces emotions, I have thought of this several times. I do not find them usefully, I fake enough happiness and content feelings and instead of feeling depressed I shut off, instead of hurting it is better to just feel numb. So why can't I just have a surgery or take a drug that makes me feel numb all the time. Would I stop being so obsessed with sex, studding it, analyzing it, trying to figure out all these ways or preforming pleasure when if I just shut it off I would become a perfect cog in society just work, make money produce the house, family and kids and keep faking all the emotions a human is supposed to do. Would it be possible to just do this and try and live content life, can you even get rid of your emotions?
I have done this... I do this a lot, more now that I do not think much of my self and that makes it all the more harder to even attempt. The best is pining after people i can't have like women who do not prefer my gender, why I find lesbians the hottest. Or women who are married, or close enough to, seem to me the more I can't have them the more I want them, then when they are attainable I loose the never and never do anything about it anyway.
How about feeling lost...
Even more then ever I do not feel human, I do not understand people, well unless they hurt each other, I seem to get pain quite well. I seem to have lost attractivety toward other humans, I still prefer females but it is as if my sexuality toward them is stifled. I first though like usual everyone thinks I am gay and yet men are nothing, I do not see an appeal, I barley even want to make Friends with other males. So it my loss of zest for life or has the part of my personality that ingrained depression finally sunk into my sexuality. Does this mean I just don't care about it any more. Am I to be a completely emotionless lover, did I ever really have feelings for anyone I ever slept with?
Emotions...
Ever wonder if you could burn out the center in your brain that produces emotions, I have thought of this several times. I do not find them usefully, I fake enough happiness and content feelings and instead of feeling depressed I shut off, instead of hurting it is better to just feel numb. So why can't I just have a surgery or take a drug that makes me feel numb all the time. Would I stop being so obsessed with sex, studding it, analyzing it, trying to figure out all these ways or preforming pleasure when if I just shut it off I would become a perfect cog in society just work, make money produce the house, family and kids and keep faking all the emotions a human is supposed to do. Would it be possible to just do this and try and live content life, can you even get rid of your emotions?