again...
Watch my life unfold before your eyes.
Is it a dream?
Is any of this real?
The pain is real.
So I must be awake.
My heart beats slowly.
My mind cannot keep up with me.
So I leave it behind.
Inside, Im in slow motion mode.
Outside, life goes 100 mph.
And I miss you.
And I miss what you said.
And I miss how you changed.
Because in my mind I am barely awakening from a game of tag with sleep.
I seem to have forgotten how to breathe.
And I am teaching myself to walk again.
I close my eyes and tell myself that soon Ill awake.
Ill awake and be that 8 year old girl with no fears and no cares.
With brothers who taught her not to cry about pain.
Rewind 12 years and I may have never met you.
Life would have been different.
To change the course of my destiny, for what?
A normal healthy life?
Impossibilites.
But if something amazing happened and I was faced with that decision,
I would turn away.
I would rather live this life a thousand times.
Then not call you my friend.
I am not real.
I am not human.
I have told you time and time again.
I am a figment of your imagination.
A figment who has a mind if its own and is now pretending to live.
Pretending it has a place in this world only to find out it is nonexistant.
Your imagination was too powerful and now I think Im real.
An imaginary friend who thinks she can feel love.
Feel happiness.
Feel sadness and pain.
And now she wants a real life.
And a family.
For you created her full of hope and dreams.
A particle of your own being.
And without you she is lost.
I am lost.
Is it a dream?
Is any of this real?
The pain is real.
So I must be awake.
My heart beats slowly.
My mind cannot keep up with me.
So I leave it behind.
Inside, Im in slow motion mode.
Outside, life goes 100 mph.
And I miss you.
And I miss what you said.
And I miss how you changed.
Because in my mind I am barely awakening from a game of tag with sleep.
I seem to have forgotten how to breathe.
And I am teaching myself to walk again.
I close my eyes and tell myself that soon Ill awake.
Ill awake and be that 8 year old girl with no fears and no cares.
With brothers who taught her not to cry about pain.
Rewind 12 years and I may have never met you.
Life would have been different.
To change the course of my destiny, for what?
A normal healthy life?
Impossibilites.
But if something amazing happened and I was faced with that decision,
I would turn away.
I would rather live this life a thousand times.
Then not call you my friend.
I am not real.
I am not human.
I have told you time and time again.
I am a figment of your imagination.
A figment who has a mind if its own and is now pretending to live.
Pretending it has a place in this world only to find out it is nonexistant.
Your imagination was too powerful and now I think Im real.
An imaginary friend who thinks she can feel love.
Feel happiness.
Feel sadness and pain.
And now she wants a real life.
And a family.
For you created her full of hope and dreams.
A particle of your own being.
And without you she is lost.
I am lost.