(no subject)
A subject.
For the first time in a long time, I cant think of a subject.
There is no subject.
Only time.
And millions of thoughts never to be assembled into a clear and simple subject.
No subject, just life.
No past just present.
No future, just now.
A subject?
Fear?
That is my subject.
Only not at all a subject.
A feeling mayhaps.
My greatest fear.
Losing people I love.
And though I've experienced it, and survived.
It is still the worst.
Not a matter of perspective.
It is my fear, and mine alone.
Overwhelmed with facts and information.
Medical terms and a random diagnosis.
Not even that, compared to the night before.
I hate hot Chai teas now.
Almost as much as I hate how Damien Rice makes me cry.
But more than I hate not having gas to drive around aimlessly.
My last payment to the clinic was of $387.00.
For what?
Pain Killers.
And drugs to fight any serious infection,
Which aparently have failed.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Whisper a prayer for me.
To whoever you have faith in.
I will be fine.
And if Im not.
Ill still be fine.
And if Im not fine, then Im not Nora.
And you must set out and find the real Nora.
The one who is always ok.
There is no subject.
No real center for my words to revolve around.
Nothing but random pointless words that flow from my mind to the tips of my fingers to form the words you read at this precise moment.
Do they matter?
If you understand them yes.
If you dont understand them...
yes.
Its not a matter of comprehension.
Its a matter of attention,
and how much of what I speak you retain.
Ill hear your story when you tell it.
Even if you turned away when I told mine.
Know that I've not yet completed my course.
That the end of the road is the entrance to the unknown.
a place with no roads and no direction.
That the end of the road does not mean the end of everything,
but the entrance to something new.
For the first time in a long time, I cant think of a subject.
There is no subject.
Only time.
And millions of thoughts never to be assembled into a clear and simple subject.
No subject, just life.
No past just present.
No future, just now.
A subject?
Fear?
That is my subject.
Only not at all a subject.
A feeling mayhaps.
My greatest fear.
Losing people I love.
And though I've experienced it, and survived.
It is still the worst.
Not a matter of perspective.
It is my fear, and mine alone.
Overwhelmed with facts and information.
Medical terms and a random diagnosis.
Not even that, compared to the night before.
I hate hot Chai teas now.
Almost as much as I hate how Damien Rice makes me cry.
But more than I hate not having gas to drive around aimlessly.
My last payment to the clinic was of $387.00.
For what?
Pain Killers.
And drugs to fight any serious infection,
Which aparently have failed.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Whisper a prayer for me.
To whoever you have faith in.
I will be fine.
And if Im not.
Ill still be fine.
And if Im not fine, then Im not Nora.
And you must set out and find the real Nora.
The one who is always ok.
There is no subject.
No real center for my words to revolve around.
Nothing but random pointless words that flow from my mind to the tips of my fingers to form the words you read at this precise moment.
Do they matter?
If you understand them yes.
If you dont understand them...
yes.
Its not a matter of comprehension.
Its a matter of attention,
and how much of what I speak you retain.
Ill hear your story when you tell it.
Even if you turned away when I told mine.
Know that I've not yet completed my course.
That the end of the road is the entrance to the unknown.
a place with no roads and no direction.
That the end of the road does not mean the end of everything,
but the entrance to something new.