I've had it
I hate men. Really. I've just had it.
I'm supposed to be on the verge of getting married, and I used to feel guilty a long time ago that I had kept some old stuff from my past secret from him; and when I finally raked up the courage to confront him, he told me he was happier not knowing so long as it was over. I was feeling guilty at a time when otherwise, i was a perfect girlfriend while he was an ass that enjoyed intentionally feeding my inssecurities and trying to make me jelous when i never used to be, until he turned me into a raving lunatic.
Now, our relationship has generally lost all flavor.. our norm is fighting, talking to each other is the exception; whenever i make up my mind not to fight with him, he continually says really hrtful stuff til i just want to go home, take an asprin, and go to bed.
Today I was looking through his email (yes, i was snooping, sue me) and found he was planning an outing which he never even told me about with the bitch R who tried and partly succeedded in snatching my bf and caused our break up 2 years ago.. i cant fucking trust him, and frankly i dont see the point of continuing this relationship.
I guess i still love him somewhat, but not even as much as before.. I think I dont want to leave him bc I dont want to start over again. I haven't got the energy to play the game anymore, to go through all the headache and emotionally rollercoaster of finding 'the one".. it seems the older u get the less u can adapt to new ppl, the more critical u are of strangers, the less u can make friends easily. Or this is how it is for me.
In a lot of ways I feel like being with khaled has turned ME into someone that's not ME; someone I dont like, and i am wondering if the problem is that we arent good TOGETHER.
If u've seen the movie 'the story of us' I think u'll understand what our relationship has turned into. I feel sad all the time, I'm too sick and tired to fight anymore so our relationship is pretty much just ignoring and avoiding eachother or awkward sillences, i'm just keeping appearances and dont know if i have the courage to start over again.
my father is a cheating bastard, my fiance is a cheating bastard, my best friend's fiance is a cheating bastard. Ironically the only guy who I trust to keep his dick in his pants and be faithful isn't talking to me anymore bc his new wife doesnt want him to be friends with his ex. Hence ALL men are bastards, most of the cheating variety.
I'm supposed to be on the verge of getting married, and I used to feel guilty a long time ago that I had kept some old stuff from my past secret from him; and when I finally raked up the courage to confront him, he told me he was happier not knowing so long as it was over. I was feeling guilty at a time when otherwise, i was a perfect girlfriend while he was an ass that enjoyed intentionally feeding my inssecurities and trying to make me jelous when i never used to be, until he turned me into a raving lunatic.
Now, our relationship has generally lost all flavor.. our norm is fighting, talking to each other is the exception; whenever i make up my mind not to fight with him, he continually says really hrtful stuff til i just want to go home, take an asprin, and go to bed.
Today I was looking through his email (yes, i was snooping, sue me) and found he was planning an outing which he never even told me about with the bitch R who tried and partly succeedded in snatching my bf and caused our break up 2 years ago.. i cant fucking trust him, and frankly i dont see the point of continuing this relationship.
I guess i still love him somewhat, but not even as much as before.. I think I dont want to leave him bc I dont want to start over again. I haven't got the energy to play the game anymore, to go through all the headache and emotionally rollercoaster of finding 'the one".. it seems the older u get the less u can adapt to new ppl, the more critical u are of strangers, the less u can make friends easily. Or this is how it is for me.
In a lot of ways I feel like being with khaled has turned ME into someone that's not ME; someone I dont like, and i am wondering if the problem is that we arent good TOGETHER.
If u've seen the movie 'the story of us' I think u'll understand what our relationship has turned into. I feel sad all the time, I'm too sick and tired to fight anymore so our relationship is pretty much just ignoring and avoiding eachother or awkward sillences, i'm just keeping appearances and dont know if i have the courage to start over again.
my father is a cheating bastard, my fiance is a cheating bastard, my best friend's fiance is a cheating bastard. Ironically the only guy who I trust to keep his dick in his pants and be faithful isn't talking to me anymore bc his new wife doesnt want him to be friends with his ex. Hence ALL men are bastards, most of the cheating variety.