(no subject)
It's weird how some people just know you. They know you better than people who have known you your whole life. It's weird how they just have some secret key, that unlocks so many areas of your mind. It's such a weird sensation to be the key to someone elses life. It's alot of infomation, alot of trust. I guess there are people that can care for you more than you'll ever dream possible. It's just strange, why bother, why care. I think it's very flattering to be cared for. But you have to wonder if they care for everyone like they care for you. Does everyone get that lavish attention, or that sparkling smile? I wonder why it matters. Shouldn't any form of love be appreciated? I guess it's just exclusivity. When you care, you must care for me only. I wonder when you get past that feeling. It's like I have a vision of a dream me, that doesn't yet exist. It must be wonderful, to truly trust and free yourself from the chains. I wonder what it feels like to look into someones eyes and not care if they look away. I hope security comes with age. I hope that I will never have to wonder and agonize over insecurities. I remember being 8 and wishing to never be afraid. I would cry everynight before going to bed. I now think about all the monsters and ghosts who let me see the morning again. Every morning I would wakeup feeling so free and relieved. But as soon as it got dark, a tension would build in my body.I still feel the anxiety of slipping into darkness at any moment. I don't want to be afraid. As a child I knew the darkness would come whether I liked it or not. It's strange how that same darkness holds so much protection, mystery and dreams.