Live for the Moment...
It's a new year since I last wrote.. and in many ways it's very much a new me... or a new phase of me anyway...
A lot of things have changed in the past few months... a lot of it was slowly building i guess.. or slowly working its way to where it is... but basically some major things have happened...
First off my amazing, crazy, entertaining, sweet, fluff of a puppy died on Dec 21, 2009. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Her illness came semi suddenly. In the beginning of Nov we started to notice she was getting pretty thin and didn't have as much energy. chalking it up to age we didn't really worry until she didn't eat as much and things were just off. Upon her visit to the vet we learned that it was serious. And i just knew in my gut that her life was coming to an end. She had chronic kidney disease and there was really nothing they could do. After a few days spent at the vets, we decided to take her home and keep her there until the end. She stayed alive for us for about a week and a half... then we decided it was time.
I can't really explain all my emotions of that time. I decided to keep what was going on to myself, mostly because i didn't wanna lose it or face it. I mean, i am surrounded by dogs and dog lovers at work and i just knew it would take a lot out of me to have people asking about how she was. So i kept it in... and to be honest don't think i've let it all out. And i'm sorry to those, especially goonie3, who i kept it all from.
In the end, i have a sense of peace that we did the right thing with her. But there's a chunk of me missing and it never gets easier leaving an empty house and not having her to curl up with at night. I miss ya Frenchie!!!
On to another topic... right during this whole mess, i find out my boss has decided to promote me. There had been some issues at work with managers not always being available and the like and they needed another person to throw in the mix. And somehow i was chosen, hah. So last week I started my training to become a part time/ fill in manager. And it's really really scary. But also really amazing to realize that for once in my life i'm actually being appreciated for the work I do. I'm not used to it at all. I've been taken advantage of so many times, especially in school and work situations, so it's very weird to think that my boss, who is AWESOME btw, actually thinks i'm good enough and sees something in me.
So to add to all of this, a newish fandom has taken over my life, and not a fandom most of my friends would see as one i would normally gravitate towards... and that is wrestling. Yes the WWE has kinda taken over my life... there's just something about the storylines, the hot guys, the good vs evil thing that pulls me in. When i was in middle school i had a friend who was into it and introduced me to the Hardy Boyz. Those guys are mad skilled let me tell you! And i still think they are amazing. Something about them and their story and whole style just really inspires me.
And into the new year their words/actions/stories have inspired pushed me more towards bettering myself. I didn't really make resolutions like i normally do, but more just want to better myself, become someone i can admire and not admonish, become something to aspire to not steer away from. Everything from my mindset to my body to my style to my goals, i want it all. I want to get to that person that i wanna be, even if i don't have a clear cut picture of what that is. I just want to be proud of something i've done. I don't want to constantly knock myself down. And i'm really really trying not to.
Matt Hardy of the Hardy Boyz was tweeting on New Year's Eve about the changes he wants to make for himself. he said "In 2010, I plan on redefining, reinventing, refocusing, & reapplying myself" And that's basically what i wanna do. And i tweeted him back saying he was pushing me to step up my game, and to my amazement he actually replied. And in that simple act i got that extra little kick to actually try it out, to really try to seek out my potential, to kick my ass into gear.
And though it's only 3 weeks into the new year, I think i've basically stuck to that plan. Maybe nothing hugely different yet. But i think my mindset and attitude about things is different this go around. yes i still have very down moments and hate many aspects of life, but i need a change and i need to MAKE a change...
So here is to 2010... not going to say it's going to be the best year yet... but let's just hope that it helps us all better ourselves and go towards our goals!
peace and i'm gonna make it happen!!
A lot of things have changed in the past few months... a lot of it was slowly building i guess.. or slowly working its way to where it is... but basically some major things have happened...
First off my amazing, crazy, entertaining, sweet, fluff of a puppy died on Dec 21, 2009. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Her illness came semi suddenly. In the beginning of Nov we started to notice she was getting pretty thin and didn't have as much energy. chalking it up to age we didn't really worry until she didn't eat as much and things were just off. Upon her visit to the vet we learned that it was serious. And i just knew in my gut that her life was coming to an end. She had chronic kidney disease and there was really nothing they could do. After a few days spent at the vets, we decided to take her home and keep her there until the end. She stayed alive for us for about a week and a half... then we decided it was time.
I can't really explain all my emotions of that time. I decided to keep what was going on to myself, mostly because i didn't wanna lose it or face it. I mean, i am surrounded by dogs and dog lovers at work and i just knew it would take a lot out of me to have people asking about how she was. So i kept it in... and to be honest don't think i've let it all out. And i'm sorry to those, especially goonie3, who i kept it all from.
In the end, i have a sense of peace that we did the right thing with her. But there's a chunk of me missing and it never gets easier leaving an empty house and not having her to curl up with at night. I miss ya Frenchie!!!
On to another topic... right during this whole mess, i find out my boss has decided to promote me. There had been some issues at work with managers not always being available and the like and they needed another person to throw in the mix. And somehow i was chosen, hah. So last week I started my training to become a part time/ fill in manager. And it's really really scary. But also really amazing to realize that for once in my life i'm actually being appreciated for the work I do. I'm not used to it at all. I've been taken advantage of so many times, especially in school and work situations, so it's very weird to think that my boss, who is AWESOME btw, actually thinks i'm good enough and sees something in me.
So to add to all of this, a newish fandom has taken over my life, and not a fandom most of my friends would see as one i would normally gravitate towards... and that is wrestling. Yes the WWE has kinda taken over my life... there's just something about the storylines, the hot guys, the good vs evil thing that pulls me in. When i was in middle school i had a friend who was into it and introduced me to the Hardy Boyz. Those guys are mad skilled let me tell you! And i still think they are amazing. Something about them and their story and whole style just really inspires me.
And into the new year their words/actions/stories have inspired pushed me more towards bettering myself. I didn't really make resolutions like i normally do, but more just want to better myself, become someone i can admire and not admonish, become something to aspire to not steer away from. Everything from my mindset to my body to my style to my goals, i want it all. I want to get to that person that i wanna be, even if i don't have a clear cut picture of what that is. I just want to be proud of something i've done. I don't want to constantly knock myself down. And i'm really really trying not to.
Matt Hardy of the Hardy Boyz was tweeting on New Year's Eve about the changes he wants to make for himself. he said "In 2010, I plan on redefining, reinventing, refocusing, & reapplying myself" And that's basically what i wanna do. And i tweeted him back saying he was pushing me to step up my game, and to my amazement he actually replied. And in that simple act i got that extra little kick to actually try it out, to really try to seek out my potential, to kick my ass into gear.
And though it's only 3 weeks into the new year, I think i've basically stuck to that plan. Maybe nothing hugely different yet. But i think my mindset and attitude about things is different this go around. yes i still have very down moments and hate many aspects of life, but i need a change and i need to MAKE a change...
So here is to 2010... not going to say it's going to be the best year yet... but let's just hope that it helps us all better ourselves and go towards our goals!
peace and i'm gonna make it happen!!