Anybody Out There...
There is so much going on in my life right now...
so much most people know nothing or very little about... in some ways i'm keeping stuff quiet cuz i don't need to force things upon people... one thing i was told to keep quiet.... and others.. well keeping them quiet and not letting people know about them makes them less real...
or at least less present in my mind all the time... i don't have people asking me about things... and therefore don't hafta think about them or lie to them about them...
of course eventually this will all probably crash and burn and i'll be left with no real support cuz i cut people off or left them in the dark... but until then.. i get to pretend shit is ok... or at least keep distracting myself... as much as i can...
I'm just freaking scared of making the wrong decisions... i have to actually act like a grownup and everything is telling me different things... and i don't wanna fuck up all this stuff...
UGGGH i'm not ready for all of this... i just... i don't know what to do... i got semi comfortable with how things were... and now i dunno.... i'm just... i'm so lost...
and there really was no point to this point.. i just needed to semi vent but not really...
it's cold... and i'm too close to tears so i'm stopping now...
peace and someone tell me what to do!
so much most people know nothing or very little about... in some ways i'm keeping stuff quiet cuz i don't need to force things upon people... one thing i was told to keep quiet.... and others.. well keeping them quiet and not letting people know about them makes them less real...
or at least less present in my mind all the time... i don't have people asking me about things... and therefore don't hafta think about them or lie to them about them...
of course eventually this will all probably crash and burn and i'll be left with no real support cuz i cut people off or left them in the dark... but until then.. i get to pretend shit is ok... or at least keep distracting myself... as much as i can...
I'm just freaking scared of making the wrong decisions... i have to actually act like a grownup and everything is telling me different things... and i don't wanna fuck up all this stuff...
UGGGH i'm not ready for all of this... i just... i don't know what to do... i got semi comfortable with how things were... and now i dunno.... i'm just... i'm so lost...
and there really was no point to this point.. i just needed to semi vent but not really...
it's cold... and i'm too close to tears so i'm stopping now...
peace and someone tell me what to do!