times of yore.
how have you been?
words die on their lips each time out of mutual agreement. their mouths would part slightly to utter the syllables that they used to say every chance they have (each time with gleaming smiles and hopeful hearts) but all of it has extinguished into thin air by now, empty and vacant.
all they have left are charred memories; wrinkled moments that yellow with age yet hold so much, holding what was left of them, holding what was them.
it’s been a while since they recalled what they had - although he doubts she still does because now she’s worth too much - but then they don’t really know how to remember anymore.
they still try, for old times’ sakes.
(only to keep in mind that they were friends, never in love.
even if they were, it was puppy love. and that never means anything.
it doesn’t mean anything.)
“there’s a new trainee, you know,” yoona remarks, pressing herself against joohyun as they head into the doors of the sm building upon meeting outside after school. the younger of the two shrugs. “there’re new trainees everywhere now. what’s the big deal?"
“well, he’s the same age as you. the two of you can be friends!”
snorting, joohyun replies briskly, “i don’t care, unnie. i’m fine the way i am. i don’t need a friend who’s a boy.”
oddly, yoona giggles. “but i met him yesterday and he’s really funny!” she insists. “cute, too, if you ask me.”
whatever, joohyun wants to say, but she swallows it and forces it down her throat.
only because she’s a little curious.
her feet shuffle against the linoleum flooring urgently as she struggles to make her way toward the room where her vocal lesson would be held. she doesn’t want to be late again (she needs to show just how badly she wants this) because her teacher would kill her.
“hey! watch where you’re going!”
joohyun slams into another person but she doesn’t look to see who it is, too busy scrambling for her books and papers that are strewn all over the floor from the collision. said person bends down, though, and helps her pick them up.
finally, she looks up.
“sorry about that,” the boy apologizes sheepishly. “anyway, i’m kim kibum.” he holds his hand out, expecting her to take it. he definitely does not know that joohyun isn’t into being touchy-feely. but she surprises herself when she accepts his handshake with a greeting of her own.
“hi. i’m seo joohyun.”
joohyun sniffs and wipes her nose on her sleeve.
she’s exhausted. she is so tired of singing and dancing continuously, not knowing exactly who she’s doing it for because it’s definitely not herself anymore. she loses track of time, energy and joohyun - and she doesn’t exactly know how to return.
“hey. how have you been? you okay?”
he stares at her, concerned, before sitting down next to her in the isolated practice room (he doesn’t have to ask; he just does because between them that doesn’t matter), scrawny fifteen-year-old legs pulled up to his chest.
“no, not really.”
“how come?”
her lament shakes with a slight tremor. “i’m tired. i want this so badly, i really do, but i’m so tired.” her words melt into one another out of weariness but kibum understands. “me, too,” he confesses. “this whole being famous thing isn’t as easy as i thought it would be.”
joohyun laughs. “you’re stupid if you ever thought it would be easy.”
he rolls his eyes at her mocking tone. “shut up, joohyun. crying makes you look stupid,” he teases.
she socks her elbow into his side, making him cower in pain.
(they laugh together later, when her tears are dry and her heart stops aching.)
“how have you been?”
“i’m alright. hey, guess what?”
“what?”
“i’m debuting soon!”
they are breathing hard and sweating equally so after arduous practices to better themselves (it’s always to improve and never to maintain; they don’t know what to do anymore because nothing seems to be enough), sore bodies rested against the wall.
“wow,” kibum whistles, although he feels strange inside. he isn’t wholeheartedly happy, to be honest, and it bugs him that he can’t pinpoint why. “that’s great! you and the other eight girls, i suppose? the ones you spend a lot of time with?”
“yep. but do you know what we’re going to be called?”
“what’s that?”
“so nyeo shi dae. how sad is that?”
kibum guffaws, long and hard (it’s too shrill and too brash to his own ears so he laughs even louder to mask his hypocrisy) and doesn’t stop until joohyun pinches his thigh. “it’s not funny!” she whines. “a few of the unnies started crying but i don’t mind as long as i get to be a star.”
but stars burn, too.
“how have you been?”
“alright. still practicing as hard as ever. i hear your follow-up song is doing pretty well,” he comments.
joohyun nods, smiling politely. “it is! we’re so thankful.”
the conversation ends there and that’s when they know that they’ve lost it - they lost whatever little thing they share and they lost each other in the process, maybe when she left him behind.
he grits his teeth because this isn’t the joohyun he knows. this one is buffed to perfection so she can be packaged with a sparkle and a wink. kibum doesn’t know who she is anymore (has he ever known her?) but all he does is offer her his trademark grin anyway.
“good to know. good luck, joohyun.”
this is the ending. the last word on the last page of a book that is too short for them to live because it stopped halfway. there were supposed to more chapters - sequels, even - but they stopped.
just like that.
many years later, they are key and seohyun (too awkward around each other because seohyun has always been best buddies with minho and not him) and nothing else.
one fateful music show later, key is sent by minho to girls’ generation’s dressing room before one of their performances to deliver a note to yuri (she’s mad at me so i don’t dare to do it myself) and he agrees, albeit grudgingly. he forgets to knock on the door and just yanks it open.
seohyun is alone inside.
she is staring at her reflection in the vanity mirror, her expression blank yet so serene; so beautiful until it makes him push their memories back, way back into the attic of his mind. not wishing to intrude, key jerks her out of her reverie by clearing his throat.
“hello, seohyun-ssi,” he gauchely begins, one foot grinding something nonexistent into the cracks of the floor. “i’m just here to leave something for yuri-noona. from minho, of course.” seeming a little dazed, seohyun nods and moves aside so he can place the note on yuri’s portion of the vanity.
just as he turns to leave, she calls out for him.
“key-ssi?”
“yes?” answers key, a little wary.
a tiny, wistful smile illuminates her face with a subtle glow.
“how have you been?”