pieces of me.
she doesn’t know when it stopped being okay.
she used to be fine with him doing this (and by this she means him toying with her heart until it is broken and ruined beyond repair to the point where she couldn’t return to who she was before he came along) and maybe at one time, she liked it.
yuri has gotten used to the pain until she realizes that it’s growing on her and she has slowly developed a sadistic sense of fondness for it, as if it has become a part of who she is. not the small section where it concerns him, but everything because now her whole entire being is about him.
something that she finds oddly funny is that every broken piece of her heart comes with the name of a girl.
it becomes a custom for her to recall the names. she might as well cup the shattered pieces of (what's left of) her heart in her palms, sounding off a name with each ragged piece.
that’s for hara. the other for nicole. that one’s for seohyun. and that big, big piece is for krystal.
the bigger the piece is, the more love minho showers upon the girl, she thinks. maybe once upon a time a different big piece was named yuri; the piece being his entire heart (still intact, because she could never massacre his heart like he does hers) or maybe it is a dream - wished desperately for and longed for but never a reality.
“i love you. do you know that?”
tears of infamy soak her cheeks because she is a coward. only three simple words he utters and already she is prepared to succumb to him yet again, even after all the heartache and fragmented pieces; just because she’s stupid and she can and she will.
“i love you, too.”
when minho smiles at her, yuri knows what she’s living for. maybe the shame is too much to bear at times, but the feeling of when he looks at her and smiles at her as if she is his entire world goes much further than that, so maybe she could live with and learn to accept the pain.
they aren’t a story of past love. they don’t have a story of we could never be or he found someone else he loves that makes jessica cry into her pillow every night because they still are (never gone, though lost, yet integral, but cracked) despite everything else.
maybe this is why yuri just swallows when he grins at nicole; why she just pretends to be nonchalant when he flirts with hara; why she just laughs when he chooses seohyun over her (why she just looks away when she catches him with his tongue down krystal’s throat).
it isn’t okay anymore, not that fine anymore and although she holds the tattered pieces of her heart in her palms, her tears burning against her skin, she continues to live with it. she could not let go of the pain she has come to love.
because although he is supposed to be what love is to her, her special little pieces have replaced his position and by the end of the day, they amount to the same thing.